Happy Halloween!

So, its Halloween. This used to be one of my favorite holidays as a kid! I have SO many memories of trick or treating with my brother and sister, and then when I got older, my friends.

I still remember where the "good candy" houses are, and remember the furthest I ever walked one year. I made it halfway across town and had to drag my pillowcase back because it was so full of candy.

I remember hiding all the candy so my mom didn't know how much I really had. I remember sorting it all into like kinds, the "good stuff", the "yucky stuff", the stuff I wanted to trade, and the stuff I wanted to eat first. All the starbursts in one pile, all the candy bars in another. All the licorice over here, and all the stupid pencils and tiny toys over THERE.

Although, I can't remember what I ever dressed up as... I know one year I was yoda, and another year I was a baby (that was the most fun!), but other than that, I can't recall... Isn't that sad? The was one of the most important things, deciding what you were going to "be". And now I can't remember any of those "oh, so important" decisions.

This year all three of my kids are dressing up, and Pat has taken the day off to go trick or treating with us. Josie is going to be Tinkerbell, Mia is going to be a kitty cat, and Blake is going to be a monkey. :) I am actually looking forward to tonight. I think it will be so much fun to go out as a family and make some memories for my kids.

Anyways, tonight should be a lot of fun. The weather should be perfect, and the whole family is going out on the town! Hope they have as much fun as I did!

PS. Today's weight 169 lbs.

Angie's Top 5

Top 5 Things I Love About Having Kids
1. Never a dull moment
2. The “I love you mommy” :)
3. Someone is ALWAYS happy to see you come home
4. The hugs and kisses goodnight
5. Their laughter

Top 5 Things I DON’T Like About Having Kids
1. Cleaning Bottles
2. Car seats
3. Poopy Diapers
4. BATH TIME
5. Having to make every single decision about every single thing, every single day

Top 5 Things I like to do when no one is home:
1. Sleep
2. Play WoW
3. Watch infomercials
4. Eat chips and dip without having to worry about little fingers getting in it
5. Masturbate

Top 5 Reasons why I like to work
1. Adult conversation with adults!
2. Making money
3. Get out of my house for a while
4. Taking long lunches ALONE
5. Making money

Top 5 things to do in the car while driving
1. Smoke
2. Cuss at other drivers
3. Talk on the phone
4. Play the radio really loud
5. Watch other people pick their noses at stoplights

Top 5 Restaurants
1. Red Lobster
2. Carlos O’Kellys
3. Sal’s
4. Olive Garden
5. Golden Coral

Top 5 “Extras” I don’t mind spending money on
1. Massage
2. Facial
3. Pedicure
4. Extra Cheese
5. Delivery

Top 5 Things I want to do before I’m 30
1. Lose weight!
2. Start taking some college courses
3. Go on a REAL vacation with Pat
4. Get another tattoo
5. Get plastic surgery

Top 5 Pet Peeves
1. People who do not answer their phone
2. People who ask me where shit is without even looking for it
3. Strangers in the store who think they know how to raise your kids better than you do and feel the need to give you “advice” on stuff
4. People who take up a REALLY good parking place with a motorcycle
5. People who leave seconds on the microwave, instead of pushing clear

Top 5 Weird Things I’ve Done
1. Became an ordained minister
2. Learned how to read Tarot cards
3. Dress up and work at the Ren Fair every year (bi-annually actually!)
4. Starting writing a book…but never finished
5. Became a MOTHER!! WEIRD! :)

Top 5 Regrets
1. Ages 17-22
2. Never going to college
3. Getting a GED instead of a real diploma
4. The way I treated my family and friends for sooo many years
5. Josie having Chris’ last name…I wish I could change it

Well there you have it! At least the beginning, I'll add more if I think of some!

What are your "Top 5"?

Update on My Diet

Ok, so I started my diet last Wednesday. I have NOT had a REAL soda since, and since I don't really like diet soda, I've only had maybe one or two of those a day. I have been drinking more water and tea (green tea with citrus - yum). If you recall, the real soda (10 a day) was apparently my biggest "fat-ass" contributer, so this is a huge step for me.


I have also been wearing my pedometer, and am averaging about 7k steps a day (my goal is 10k). I think this is pretty good, so I'm not going to KILL myself trying to get them, but I am going to keep trying to do a little extra each day and see where it leads me.


So... today I weighed myself. 171 lbs.


WOOOOOOOOOOOOO! 6 big ones! That's what I'm talking about. I hope they came off of my ass...

Anyways, so it's working, and I feel great. I eat when I'm supposed to but I just eat a LOT less. Where I would usually have 2 sandwiches and a bowl of soup, I have 1/2 sandwich and a little bit of the soup before I'm full. And my willpower against takeout is amazing because I'm not really that hungry, so I find myself not going out to eat because I know half of the food will just go to waste and I don't want to waste the money.


I usually snack on cucumber slices, cheese and apple slices, cottage cheese, etc., because I can control how much I cut up and I don't have to throw any of it away.


Saturday night I thought I really fucked up because I went to a wedding and had some steak and garlic mashed potatoes and then drank all night... all the booze and beer are just empty calories that I don't need PLUS a big dinner, I really thought I had screwed myself. But I guess all the "exercise" later that night must have worked off all those extras! (Yes I'm talking about sex, cover your ears, little ones).

I have been sleeping about normal, but have had more energy throughout the day (which I desperately needed), so all in all I think it's going great! Keep your fingers crossed for me, and hopefully I will continue to do well in the upcoming weeks/months.

Oh, Mia, Mia, Mia

Oh, geez, my little Mia. She is sooooo cute, but can really be quite a pain.

Today - she hid my keys.

OMG I spent 20 minutes looking for them and STILL didn't find them. Funny part is when I asked her to go find them and bring them to me, she ran off and came back with Pat's keys (apparently she had them also), but not mine.

I TORE that place apart, looking everywhere. Dumped out boxes of toys, looked in her toy kitchen, in her room, my room, the bathrooms, kitchen, living rooms, playroom. Under the couches, under the cushions, in the trashcan (Pat found his phone there once), in the diaper bag, EVERYWHERE!!!!!

I finally said fuck it, and just took my car key off of Pat's keyring and told he to hide a house key outside for me when he left and call and let me know where. I was 25 minutes late to work, and was pissed and fuming the WHOLE way.

Once I got to work, complained to a couple people about my morning, and explained to my boss why I was late, and apologized for it (he said "I don't care about that stuff, I knew you would call if you were not going to be in at all.... THATS cool!)

Then, I started retracing my steps from last night, and trying to remember the last time I SAW them... well, Mia had them. She was in the kitchen, and was trying to use them on her toy car. THE TOY CAR!!!! Omg, why didn't I think of that? I remember that her toy car has a seat that lifts up with a cubby hole underneath. So I call Pat. "Sweetie, I am soooo sorry I yelled at you this morning about my keys. I was just very frustrated, and didn't mean to take it out on you...but, hey - could you check Mia's toy car?"

............................ TA DA! There they are!!!! WHOOO HOOO! Fantastic. So I got all worked up and they were in the only place I didn't think to check... man, I feel stupid.

So, to ensure this doesn't happen again, I have come up with a GREAT idea. I am going to go to WalMart and buy a bunch of blank keys, and a few different key chains. I am going to make Mia her OWN set of keys!! I think she will LOVE this!! Damn, I'm a freakin' genius....

Well, wish me luck, I hope it works. :)

You know, a friend of mine (mother of three, oldest just turned 18) once told me - "I think they make the little ones really cute so you don't kill them. And they make the older ones little assholes so you won't miss them as much when they decide to move out!!"

Oh, and on another note - my weight loss plan seems to be going well. I have been having a hard time meeting my calorie limit. I am at about half that, so my nutritionist suggested I take the rest of my prenatal vitamins to help. After those are gone, I can just get an over-the-counter one. Soooo.... yea! :)

I'm on day three - weight 174 lbs. ( I lost 3 pounds!)

Fattys On Parade!

~WIPES FORHEAD~ Wheeeeeew...... That's done. I went to the doctor today. My reason for going? I'm too fat. Yep. You can apparently go to the doctor for that now.

If you have previous blogs you will know that I had an appointment today to start my "Weight Loss With Meds" program. Well, I was very nervous that they would go through my lab results and find that I was not a good candidate or something like that, I would have to go back to trying to do it the hard way - eating right, exercising, etc.

But come to find out, everything went GREAT! With the exception of the doctor telling me I have no life, and I need to get one (yea, no shit doc? I could have told you that, and I didn't have to go to school for 16 years).

My steps to my weight loss target goal of 40 lbs.

Step One: I have to stop drinking 10 regular sodas a day. If I have to have my soda, I need to pick a diet one that I can live with and drink that.

Step Two: I have to drink water also. I was told this shouldn't be hard because the meds they put me on will give me cotton mouth (not their term, mine) and all I will want is WATER. So that's cool.

Step Three: Try and keep a food diary, and pay attention to how often I eat foods on the go (like fast food, etc.)

Step Four: Try and stick generally to a 1200 calorie diet, and make sure I GET 1200 calories (apparently the med will suppress my appetite, and I have to make sure I try and eat something, even if I don't feel that hungry)

Step Four: Get a pedometer and try to walk 10,000 steps a day (yeah that's not a typo...that will be the hardest I think)

Step Five: Take my meds as early in the morning as I can, daily. (Early because apparently they will keep you up late if you take them too late in the day.)

And that's it.

They put me on Phentermine and Prozac. Phen for weight loss and energy (an upper) and Prozac to even it out (a downer) and plus because I have no life (according to the doctor).

My doctor has assured me that this weight loss drug has been examined over and over and over again, and they can't find any reason that it should be pulled like some of the other weight loss drugs. He has taken it, and has prescribed it for over 15 years, and in his opinion, is completely safe when used correctly (like any controlled substance).

The nutritionist told me that in her opinion, if I cut out the soda (or go to a diet), and take my meds, that should be all I need to meet my goal. I am going to try and do the other stuff too, but those are going to be my big ones to concetrate on...

So today, my spirits are high, as is my motivation to finally do something about my weight.

Wish me luck!!!!

Oh, PS, I was sitting at the computer last night feeding Blake when my screensaver came up - it is a slideshow of pictures of me, Pat and the kids at special events over the past few years... the pictures were pretty much in chronological order, and I noticed I just kept getting fatter in each picture... time for things to change.

Starting Weight - 177 lbs. (shhhh) Let's keep track of this, shall we?

A Day at Home With the Kids!

So, yesterday Pat was working at the Ren Fair for my daddy, and I was at home all day with the kids. This was from about 9:15 am to 10:30 pm. THIS WAS A LONG DAY.


So it started out pretty normal with feeding the kids breakfast. Jo and Mia wanted donuts. Easy enough, right? Well, yes until we ran out. Holy shit, you would have thought I had told them that we ran out of oxygen to breath!! Biggest breakdowns in the history of breakdowns. So, to try and make it "all better" I offered Pop-Tarts... kids look at each other for a second, then "Yes, Yes, Pop-Tarts Mommy!!!!" .... well shit we are out of PopTarts. WHAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Oh, here we gooooooooo again! I finally got them to settle for some cereal, but they were CLEARLY not impressed with it. ~sad faces~


Wow, 2 flip outs and it is not even 10 o'clock yet... it's gonna be a looooooooong day.


It was while the kids were eating their breakfast that I realized Blake would be waking up soon, and there was NO clean bottles (even thought Pat was home all day, the day before). So I went ahead and washed all the bottles, and all the other dishes while I was at it. As soon as I am finishing that up, Josie comes in to tell me she is cold. Now, she has been sick for a couple days, so I go to turn on the heater...


Mother#$%*&$ - the heater is still not working! The other adult in the household (trying not to name names here...) was SUPPOSED to have called the landlord and gotten it fixed the day before - he said he was "too busy"and forgot.... to busy doing what? Playing WoW???? Sleeping???? ALL DAY??

Well, shit, now I have THAT to do.


After I make that phone call, I realize my whole house looks like shit. And being raised by my mother (and knowing I had a repairman coming over) that was just unacceptable. It doesn't matter if someone if coming over just to take a crap in my toilet, if I'm having company, I CLEAN. So, the cleaning commences.


While I was furiously cleaning my house (mostly just the areas he might see...) the girls did some coloring while watching the new Pooh Halloween Movie. After coming downstairs from the bedrooms, I notice some green paint on the wall... so I turn the corner....and.... OMG. Mia had found a "Paint Pen" and painted the hallway going down the stairs. O, mommy flipped her lid. I took the pen, threw it in the trash (while muttering "no more F-ing Paint Pens in the F-ing house!!!!!") and started cleaning THAT mess...


Ok, finally, kids had breakfast, dishes are done, bottles are washed, house is clean, walls are clean, baby got fed - time for LUNCH!! It is 12:30... its BARELY been 3 hours... wow...


So, lunch... Hmmm..... no food in the house. And I'm not taking all 3 kids to the store ON A SUNDAY, plus the heater guy is supposed to be showing up any time. SO - can of chicken noodle soup it is.


Kids are sitting down, eating their soup and crackers, so I go take a potty break! YEA! Come back up, and Blake has spit up on himself. Take him down to change him - come back up... and... Mia has taken a freakin' BATH in her soup!! Oh lord. What a fucking mess. She looks and says "All done!" Yea, no shit? All done because there is no more food in her bowl, doesn't mean she ATE it all. Fuck. So I strip her down, and start to give her a psuedo bath in the sink...


DING DONG.


Yep. Heater guy is here. Perfect timing.


Old man stinking like BO starts trekking through the house, looking at this, looking at that... finds a problem and leaves to go "get the part". Fine. Get out so I can spray some Febreeze and lay Mia down for a nap.


Mia stays in her room for about 45 minutes or so... not sleeping. But she is out of the way long enough for the heater guy to come back and fix the damn thing, and for me to do a couple of quests on WoW.


Well, ok, "nap" (if you could call it that) is over, and back to playing!!! Yeah!!


The girls decide they want to color some more. Fine. I put Blake in his bouncy-chair, toss on Baby Mozart (he loves it) and run down to switch around the laundry. Bring up a basket of towels, get to the top of the stairs when.... I see IT.


The scene that will be burned into my mind for a loooong time. Mia and Josie have found more Paint Pens (where the hell did these things come from anyways????) and are poised, ready to begin coloring, 1/2" away from - their BROTHER'S FACE. "STOP!!"

I snatch the pens from them and look around for more. I find 2 more, and take them all directly to the trashcan. And future Paint Pen events have been circumvented. (I love that word, I always think of that movie "The Last Boyscout").

After that was dinner, where Mia has decided she is a big girl and refuses to sit in her high chair anymore. So I spent the majority of dinner saying "Mia get back in your chair and eat your dinner"..... over and over and over and over and over and over again.

Josie has been sick and is still on antibiotic, and so after we ate it was time to take it.... oh geez. Someone help me. You would have thought I was trying to pull her fingernails out with needlenose pliers the way she was screaming. I'm surprised the police didn't show up with a noise or domestic dispute complain.... although in my neighborhood I'm not really THAT surprised - probably couldn't hear her screaming over all the gun shots...

A little later the girls are "playing" in theire room and I hear screams... oh lord now what? I go up and I see Mia... but no Josie. I HEAR Josie... wtf?

Apparently Josie was playing in the closet, and Mia had done something to wedge it closed and she could not get out... "No more playing in the closet kids!" geez....

The rest of the evening continues, fairly uneventful. I think they had all realized I had hit "My Limit" on stupid bullshit in one day.

I finally get the girls in bed, and Blake decides he wants to play. He has been pretty good MOST of the day, and he needed a little one on one time, and I was fine with that.

After he falls asleep, I get on my geeky video game and start playing until Pat gets home..... I MISSED YOU SWEETIE!!!!!!!! Omg I was SO glad when he got there!

So that was my Sunday... what did you do???? :)

Sleep Debt

So, have you ever heard of a sleep debt?

Apparently, your body has a memory. And it KNOWS how much sleep your body requires to function correctly, and keeps an internal log of how many hours you sleep each night.

So lets say your body needs 7 hours of sleep each night. You get 5 hours of sleep each night. So by the weekend you now your body 10 hours sleep. Your body just keeps on going, quietly contemplating HOW exactly it will get all that missed sleep back...

You body has now turned into a bookie. The juice is running on your missed sleep, and your body is hiding in the alley, just waiting to jack you. Now, if you are incredibly witty and sly, you can avoid having to pay back your debt until you die, but unfortunately all those missed hours are shaved off of your total life expectance...

Otherwise, it will get them one of two ways.

First, it waits until it sees an opening. It releases the "I'm soooooo tired" hormone into your bloodstream and you go to bed just a little early that night... and then - JACK! You CANNOT seem to drag your ass out of bed the next morning. You are 2 hours late to work, and all day long, all you want to do is go back to bed.

Second, it will just SLAM you with the NEED FOR SLEEP. You will just pass out and it will have its way with you. This can happen anytime, anyplace. Ever hear stories about people falling asleep behind the wheel? Well, they tried to slide one by on their body, and their body put a boot in their ass. They should have just went the easy way, just laid back and let it finish...

So the moral of the story is, no matter what, your body WILL get those hours back. It will try and do it all nice and slow, and you won't even notice what is happening until it is too late... But if you resist, it will use force - even if that means making you fall asleep driving a car, at work, or in the bathtub...

So, right now, I think I am about a ba-jillion hours behind, so I may keel over any day...

I am so screwed.

People I Hate

This has been requested by (and dedicated to) one of my AVID readers, my sister. And.... I figured I had had a couple of funny blogs, so now it is time for a rant. :)


FIRST - I hate people who don't answer their phone... especially when you KNOW they are home AND they have caller ID. Makes me feel like such a loser.


I hate people that say "Uh huh, uh huh, really? Oh, yeah, uh huh, uh huh" while you are telling them a story. It is distracting and makes me forget what in the hell I was talking about... Just SHUT UP and wait for your turn to talk!!! Now, if I pause (for a reaction) please feel free to insert a comment, but saying that shit while I'm still talking is like those assholes who think it is funny to say random numbers while you are trying to count just to fuck you up...


Oh, and I hate assholes who think it is funny to say random numbers while I'm trying to count something... dicks...


I hate people who ride on your ass when there is NO ONE in the other lane... pass me jerk off! The only reason to do that is to be a prick.


I hate skinny people... mostly because I am jealous. I'm tired of being OBESE. BMI of 30 FTL!!!! lol


I hate people who have a ton of kids so they can get more $$ on welfare. Maybe you should try getting a fucking job, free loader.


I hate people who send me "God" emails. I'm glad for you that you have found something in your life that gives you purpose, faith, meaning, whatever, but No Thank You. I think I am doing just fine, and my life is not going to get better or worse depending on whether or not I forward your email to 10 friends in the next 60 seconds. If you REALLY want to send me inspiring emails, send vouchers for free liquor, cigarettes, vacations, gas coupons, or just send me a check. That would inspire the hell out of me.


I hate people who continuously try to debate religion with me. I will save you some time right now - You are not going to convert me. I do not believe in organized religion, and am more of a believer of science. Also, don't quote the bible at me - it is a beautiful work of fiction. It was written by man, and is their personal account of what happened in that time period, and was edited MANY times. Don't believe every freakin' book you read. There are dozens of books written on how the Holocaust never took place... point.

I hate line jumpers, and wreck gawkers, people who talk with food in their mouths, and people who wear patchouli. I hate people who are always so miserable and think you want to hear about every tiny detail about every aspect of their fucked up existences. Man, I got problems of my own and your constant tale of woe is just bringing me down even more. (Not saying I don't care, I just don't need to hear about it day in and day out, CONSTANTLY).

I hate people who lean over into the passenger's seat to drive.... geez. Posture, people, POSTURE!!!

Hate guys who wear their pants down so low their underwear hangs out. And then they tuck their shirts into their underwear to make sure you see it... Ok, I feel bad for their mothers, who obviously TRIED to teach them proper dressing attire. The "tuck your shirt in" one stuck but apparently the "underwear is an undergarment, and is not supposed to be seen by everyone" didn't. Even my 5 year old has learned that you don't show off your panties...

I hate old people - they all (ok not ALL but most of them) feel like the world "owes" them something as a prize for reaching 60. They expect everyone to bend over backwards for them, but are not willing to do anything (like renew their driver's licenses, or chew with their mouths closed, or say "Thank you" when someone helps them) in return. I'm allowed to say this, by the way, because I work for old people.

Oh, and I hate that my boss talks on the phone while taking a crap at work... makes me wonder how many times I have talked to him while his was on the shitter... makes me cringe. Wait 5 minutes, how important can the call be???

BUT - on the other hand, if you are at home, on a personal call.... GO FOR IT! I do it at least once a day! :)

Oh, and did I mention I hate it when people don't answer their phone... especially when you KNOW they are home AND they have caller ID....

By the way, Shelly I have been calling you for an hour, ANSWER YOUR DAMN PHONE!!!! :)

Work? Yep, sure am!

So every now and then I have one of those days... a day that you don't want to do shit at work, and in all honesty, you don't really even what to BE THERE. And guess what? Today is one of thooooooooose days.

I have a habit that I fall into on days like these... first I call my sister... A LOT. :) I talk to her about pretty much nothing, but it gives me something to do and helps the time go a little faster. I will occasionally get caught being on the phone for long periods of time - in one of these instances, I say in my MOST professional voice "Ok, well thank you very much. I appreciate the call! You have a great day".

At this point she knows that is her cue to make one last smart ass comment in an effort to make me laugh out loud in front of whoever it is that I am trying to convience the call is work related (usually saying POOP in the phone will do it for me) and then I will call her back once the threat has passed.

Second, I surf the net a little bit and check in on Ol' McCane (I put CANE on purpose, the old fart) and Bommers. I know, I'm a geek... I probably won't even vote.

I also put on my headphones. Sometimes I'm not even listening to anything, but people assume I am listening to and typing dictation, so it works to get people to leave me alone and let me fuck off in peace. Other times, I'm listening to music or MSNBC video clips... today I listened to the debate - WHOO what a part-tee animal I am!!!!

I make a point to go smoke about once every hour too. This is not as hard or unusual as one would think, as the majority of this office does it on a daily basis anyways, so I'm really just conforming to the norm on that one...

And lastly, I go chat it up with my friendly neighborhood banker. (Kinda like your "Friendly Neighborhood Spiderman" but she doesn't really fight crime, or wear tights, jump from rooftops, etc... actually she is nothing like Spidey, so just forget all that shit...)

This is usually during one of my MANY soda/vending machine runs... I try to space these out, so I have a "get up and walk around" break about every 20 minutes including smoke breaks in there along with trips to the bathroom to check my hair, makeup, etc (which in reality I really shouldn't do. I always look like shit, and I just get depressed with every trip to the crapper...they should really take the mirrors out of there).

Oh, and I blog. Duh.

So, it is creeping up on 3:30, about time for another death stick, so I gotta go!! Back to WORK!!

LEGENDARY Spider Encounter...

So, I know I am a BIG OL' SISSY when it comes to spiders, but I swear to you, my fear was validated Friday night...

A little set up:

My front door is a little dark, even with the light on. It is nine o'clock at night, I have all three kids, and all their stuff, all MY stuff, my 2 year old is very upset because she has a badly skinned knee, 5 year old is tired and "just wants to go home" and Blake is hungry. Also, we just spent the evening at a school carnival so everyone is a little tired, a little whiney and Mommy is more than a little overwhelmed...o, and I'm in flip flops....

Ok, so - I start the approach to the door, when I see something large and black in front of the "Welcome" mat (how ironic...) just sitting there. I get closer, staring, trying to figure out what in the hell it is, when..... IT MOVES.

HOLY SHIT, IT IS THE BIGGEST FUCKING SPIDER I HAVE SEEN IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.

I grab the girls, stop them from tramping up the stairs to the porch, and watch this monster run into the corner by my door, with all the brush to camofluage its self.

Oh, shit what am I going to do now???? I am shaking, but don't want my kids to see me get upset, so I say "Ok, sorry kids, we have to get back in the car for a minute!"

Despite their whining and arguing, they all get back in the car. I find a plastic block in the front yard and chuck it at the spider... doesn't do a damn thing... I look around for bug spray, check the truck for something to hit it with... I can't find shit.

So, I call my sister. Shelly!! What do I do??? She asks me if I am drinking anything... why yes I am - Mt. Dew! Which I will gladly sacrifice for this battle. So I get my soda and start throwing it at the corner...

OMG THIS IT IS EVEN BIGGER THAN I THOUGHT! IT'S LIKE A FREAKIN' TARANTULA!!!

Ok, no shit, this thing was the size of the top of a pop can. Not a bottle.... A CAN. Two and a half inches in diameter... Scariest fucking thing I've ever seen. It starts crawling up the side of my door as I just pissed it off with the pop thing... well shit.

Now what, Shelly???? I am almost in tears now. I am alone with my kids, trying not to scare them, out of ammo, in flip flops, and completely petrified of spiders. She says "I'm coming to help". Omg, really??? Thank you, thank you, thank you! I ask if she is bringing some spray or something, she said she will bring a flyswatter... are you kidding me? A flyswatter? This Loch Ness of Spiders with snatch the flyswatter from her and beat her with it!!! Oh crap...

I get in the car and take a quick spin around the block, over to QT so Josie can pee, and then back to the Porch O' Doom. I park my car diagonal so I can shine my headlights on the door, as if I am about to perform surgery or something - need good light for this!! I get out, and with the new perspective with the headlights, I spy out of the corner of my eye... The Hose. Oh, yes, the garden hose! How could I have overlooked it?!

My sister is pulling up as I am turning the water on, and is walking up to the porch as I start spraying...

HE IS PISSED!!! WOOOOO HOOOOO he takes off running, and I keep spraying! I get him away from the door, and down the steps towards my sister who is waiting with her flyswatter... it was like watching someone getting ready to try and kill a bear with a loose leaf notebook... hmmm... could it work????

Bigfoot (aka Spider of Death) has now figured out what is spraying him with the goddamn hose, and makes a sharp 90 degree turn to come straight at me!!! OH SHIT!! Shelly lifts the flyswatter over her head, and.... WHAM! .....

WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM!!!!

Shelly has SAVED THE DAY!!!!! The spider of epic proportions is dead, and even all dead and curled up, the thing is still bigger than a fifty cent piece...

So, then I proceeded to spray the front porch for a good minute or so, JUST IN CASE there is another one hanging out or he has laid eggs for more gargantuan spiders. The All Clear is sounded, so it is back to the car and back to grabbing all my kids, their stuff and mine, although this time I have sissy there to help... Mia is saying over and over "Yea Delly!" and I couldn't have agreed more!

With the all clear, I pile all the kids in the house, still paranoid about spiders... Discreetly eyeing ever corner of every room as I walk through the house turning on every single light... Get the kids in bed and make myself a REALLY big drink (I had earned it)...

Thanks Shelly!!! You are my hero!!!

Oh geez

Hmmm... well I have a weird thing. I got contacted by a collection agency about a debt to Lincoln Meadows Apts where I had lived about 3 years ago. Apparently they felt I owed them some money. Now, I had owed them so $$ due to a move in "gift" I received, as I moved out before my lease was up. The lady in the office at the time had told me that I had to repay that amount, and I agreed. I made several payments, and then I stopped receiving mail from them - at this time I assumed I had paid it off.

Well, now (2 1/2 years later) I am getting harassed by an agency saying I owe about 3 times what I remember the orignal debt being for "carpet cleaning"... hmmm... well thats fucked up and I told them that I was disputing the charge, denying that it was mine. Well, being a fucking collection agency they then told me that they would have this put on my credit report and they would be contacting my employer for a garnishment. They were being assholes, so I hung up on that phone call...

Well, they called me again. And the first thing I said was "So, why are you calling me again?? I thought you guys were just going to garnish my wages for this alleged debt... that employer garnishment thingy, that not work out? I think they require PROOF of a debt through a court before they do that, which you don't have...that might be why you are having a problem with this..." So first thing out of the gate, I have pissed them off. And I don't really care.

Back and forth we go, blah blah blah. Finally I say that I do not believe this is an accurate collections, and I will not agree that this is my debt. They hang up on me this time. So I call the original debt company. The lady there was very nice, saying that she made an error and forgot to reflect the payments I had made, but the paperwork she shows says that I was also supposed to be paying a "one month rent" fee for not completing my lease. I can, honestly, see how this is probably true, but I can't remember. She says she has the paperwork, so I believe her. BUT the REAL debt is about 1/2 of what they were trying to collect. So she said she would contact them to fix it, and request that they work with me on a payment plan, due to her own error of not reporting this in a timely manner, as I had no idea about the debt and will need time in order to pay it off.

They call me back and are ASSHOLES. BUT they do set up a plan for me on the new $ amount. But then she starts being a bitch to me about the fact that this is my own fault, and the debt is almost 3 years old, and I should have been responsible enough to pay it before now... WHAT THE FUCK???? I am so pissed. Then she wanted my new address and I asked what she would need that for. She says "Fine I will put a note in here that you refused information required in order to collect this debt." I said, "First, you don't need my address to collect this debt, as I have already made arrangements to pay this online. Second, I didn't REFUSE i asked you WHY you need it." So I gave her address (very quickly and I knew she couldn't have written it down but at this point I didn't give a shit). She said she was done with my phone call. I told her to make sure to put that I complied by giving my address, its not my fault she writes slow. She hung up on me.

Fuck them

Fat Attack!

So, I have made my appointment with my doctor for the "Weight Loss Program With Meds"... this is my last attempt in loosing this weight that I can't seem to get rid of.

So, I have tried so many different kinds of diets and nothing seems to work. I have tried over the counter weight loss pills and still come up with nothing. At one time, I had tried a wiehgt loss pill and it was fantastic! I lost a ton of weight and felt great!! But I can't find it anymore (5 years later)... I know that I should eat better and exercise. But I also have 3 kids and work full time. I eat the best I can, in fact probably better than I ever did. I have "grown up" and now will even eat a salad!! But no matter what, I can't seem to get rid of it.

I checked my BMI yesterday - healthly is 19-21 and I am at 30. THIRTY. Wow... so I decided something needs to be done. I have 2 friends and a co-worker (notice how I divide the two catergories... lol) that have used phentermine (perscription from a doctor) and it worked wonders. So that is my next thing. I hope it works.

It better - my insurance doesn't cover it because it is considered "cosmetic" so I will be paying out of pocket. So it better effing work!!!! I do know I will need to try and eat good things and exercise whenever I can in addition to this... but I also count my running around for the kids a little bit of exercise... it does get my heart rate up!!!!!

So keep your fingers crossed for me over the next few weeks. I go in on the 22nd. I hope it works. I miss feeling good about the way I look...

Honey, have you seen my....

UGH!! What is it about men that makes them incapable of finding shit?? "Honey, have you seen my shoes? My wallet? My cigarettes, my lighter, my sweatshirt, the remote, the bread, my lunch, my cell phone, or my keys?"

WHY DON'T YOU OPEN YOUR EYES AND LOOK FOR IT FOR A CHANGE!!!!! Omg, I am so tired of being asked where shit is. It is bad enough that my kids can't find anything, but that is to be expected... so I suck it up and find their shoes, socks, etc. Pat can NEVER find anything. But I don't think he ever actually LOOKS for anything either.

He stands in front of the fridge, not even opened it yet, and asked me if his lunch is in there... open it up and fucking look, jackass! Do I have x-ray glasses on, and can see through the fridge door from 2 flights up to check for your lunch??

Stands in the bathroom and asked me I have seen his keys... I am supposed to believe he is looking for his keys in the shitter and just "can't find them anywhere"??? Noooo, he is fixing his hair, and can't be BOTHERED to go up and check the BIG KEY BOWL where all the keys go EVERYDAY to see if his are indeed in there or not...

"Where is my wallet?" ..... Why the hell would I know where your wallet is? It is your wallet...

"Are we out of toilet paper?" Um... go check. You know where we keep it - in the room with the toilet in it...

"Where is the cold medicine?" Same place it always is, in the medicine cabinet... And if it is NOT in there, I will go ahead and tell ya - that means "Yes" we are OUT, so don't ask...

"What did you do with my cell phone? It's not on the coffee table anymore..." My answer is: You mean you left it where the 2 year old can reach it (AGAIN) and you want someone else to blame for your stupidity?

Geez, I had babies with this man...

Although one of the FUNNIEST things I've ever seen was my brother in law... he walked through the house, comepletely naked, stood next to his wife (with his junk right next to her head) and asked "Honey, have you seen my boxers?" She turns her head and BAM - face fulla hubby!

But I love him, and you know I will do what every woman in America does... help him find his stuff. Everyday. Over and over again. Even when he puts his wallet in the freezer (because he set it down to fill his cup with ice) or his watch on the toothbrush holder (didn't want to set it on the sink, it might have gotten wet), just grin and bear it... and wait for him to lose his undies!! WOO WOOO!!!

Will you be my friend?

So, after 6 years, and 3 kids I have come to the realization that I HAVE NO FRIENDS!! Awwww, isn't that sad? But when I think back to who my friends were so long ago, the things I did with them and the things I didn't do with them, I'm starting to wonder if it is necessarily a BAD thing that we have lost touch.

Most of the time we would sit around and drink and tell stories. Hmm... yea, lots of fun when you are 22. But when you are almost 29, have a full time job and 3 kids under 6 years old, that seems like an obscene waste of time. (Although, in all honesty, still sounds kinda fun!)

Now, my best friend is my sister (ok, it's ALWAYS been my sister!) and the only other friends are "online friends"... I don't really know any of them in person, never went to dinner with them or went to their house. Our kids never played together, and we don't exchange birthday or holiday cards. But these are some of the best friends I have EVER had. I guess the way you meet online friends are usually doing something that you both enjoy and have in common (I play online video games - World of Warcraft in particular) so we immediately have something to talk about... And I know!!! I'm a geek!!! Please try to see past my geekiness to my very cool, suave, and incredibly trendy interior... :)

I also don't have friends at work - I have Co-Workers. I don't know what it is about co-workers, but I have always had a weird thing about "going out with the girls" at work... Sure I might go to lunch or something, but I never really do anything on a personal level. Maybe I am worried that there will be a conflict and make my work environment a living hell, or maybe I am afraid that if they REALLY got to know me, they wouldn't like me as much anymore.....or maybe I'm just a bitch who doesn't like anyone. Either way, in my mind, co-workers are in an automatic "No friend" zone.

I always thought my mom was too lonely and needed to get out and make new friends - then she would be happy... but I am starting to realize that I was part of the reason that she had no friends. All her friends were childless and didn't "get it" or they had kids too and were too damn busy to play anymore!!

I guess I am turning more and more into my mother every year. I used to think that would really suck ass... but, you know, the older I get, I am starting to understand what she gave up to raise her own children, and I have so much respect for her now.

I'm sure she is kicking herself, wishing she hadn't given up EVERYTHING and left a little time for herself though. I think she would be much happier if she had... maybe I can learn from her mistakes, but still be a great mommy like she has been to me.

Or maybe I just need a drink... or 5...

Wait.... I'm a grown up now??

Well, sadly I have figured out that, yes, I am indeed a grown up now. Well, shit, when did that happen?? Every day I realize more and more that I am pushing thirty. I know that is NOT old, but it sure ain't YOUNG either!! And I guess the worst part is...that I haven't really done much in my 28 years on this planet.

I never traveled the world, never went on a cruise, I've never REALLY been to a beach, never seen New York, or San Francisco OR Hawaii! I never bungee jumped or skydived, I've never tried ice skating or even snow skiing. I never did go stay in the haunted hotel where the Shining was filmed with my sister and I've never been to Mardi Gras. I never got to go to the Murder Mystery role-playing hotel (which I have been talking about for years now) and I never went back to school. I never got that gym membership and I never made my kids Halloween costumes. I never learned how to use an i-pod or how to burn a DVD... I've never got a video camera (even though I think about it a lot) and I never signed up to be on "Deal or No Deal". I never took ballet or even saw a ballet program. Never been to a Broadway play, or even a really crappy community theatre one... I never opened my bookstore, or my restaurant, or my bar and grill. Never learned how to sew or even knit, and I've never been to a shooting range.

I think my brain just can't get around the fact that I am an adult, and I can do whatever I want. If I want to take my family and move to Oregon (or Miami, or Venezuela), I could, or go on a safari, or visit the pyramids!!

I CAN do whatever I want... so why don't I ever WANT to do anything?

My life is FULL of "I nevers" and I am starting to realize how sad that is.

Josie is have a bad week...

Wow, she is only 5 and I feel so sorry for her crappy week. First, she got tripped by a boy at school (little bastard). Second, her sister stabbed her with a freakin' straw from a juice box last night IN THE CHEST (and it actually made a mark and broke the skin a TINY bit), then...this morning... she got a pimple... MY POOR BABY!! I mean, geez, she is only 5, does she really have to get a pimple already? I'm sure the kids don't know to make fun of it yet, but I have no doubt the teasing will commence sooner rather than later...

She is just having it rough. And everday she reminds me more and more of myself when I was little... Desperate for friends, gullible, and willing to believe anything if it means she has a friend...

She doesn't realize that some people are just mean - like a little girl who came up and pulled her braids out the other day, Josie tells me "No, she's my best friend! She just liked my pony tail holders"... That little snot yanked those out of my kids hair, and stole them, and Josie was taking it as a compliment because the girl liked them in the first place... how do I fix this?

And, you know, maybe I'm wrong. I do not drop off or pick up at school, so I don't see her with her "friends"... maybe she DOES have a lot of friends (cross fingers) and maybe the girl really DID just like them and wanted to see the pony tail holders... but I doubt it...

Please don't let her turn out like me...the geeky girl that no one liked, that everyone teased, and that later in life did anything anyone wanted in efforts to be liked (which didn't work, and made me feel even worse about myself)... I hope that will be able to spot it early enough in order to try and stop her from going down the same path I did... my poor baby, don't turn out like your mom.