Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Wow, I thought you were dead?!

Alrighty, well I’m sure you all thought I had died from excessive hair loss, but I’m still here!

AND – I did go through with it – ALL of it… I now have a hairless “kitty”, along with smooth legs and bare underarms. I think I am appreciating the underarms the most, as that was the one thing that I DID shave everyday, and I HATED it. Plus, I had that 5 o’clock shadow thing going after about 3 hours of shaving them. So to not have to shave under my arms for 3 weeks has been a freakin’ DREAM! If nothing else, I will absolutely be going back for more of that.

It did hurt but not nearly as bad as I thought it would, and the chic who “did me” was way freakin’ cool, so it helped make the whole experience a little less awkward. I have to say the most awkward part was when she had me roll on my side, with one leg bent up toward my chest, and I had to hold my giant butt cheek out of the way so she could “sugar my taint”. Felt like I was showing off my brown eye, which I don’t really think is one of my best features…

Yes, it all hurt very much, but honestly it was a ton easier than trying to do it myself (which I will NEVER ever do again), so I will be heading back to the salon soon. Plus, my hubby REALLY liked my "new haircut", so, I will need to keep it up...

I guess since it was my first time and all, I will need to be re-done after about 4 weeks. Once the hair starts growing in finer and thinner, I should be able to get away with 6-8 weeks, if I refrain from shaving in between (which shouldn’t be a problem, considering my hatred of the blade). So, I will keep you all updated as this progresses, since I know you are all just so DESPERATE to know all the crazy shit I do to my nether regions…

So, now on to another subject for today!

The reason I haven’t been on here much is because this site is porn. Yep, you all heard me right – P O R N. Apparently blogspot has been blocked as an inappropriate website here at work, and it is listed as pornography, which made me laugh my ass off. Well, at first I cussed a lot about not being able to get on here… THEN laughed later…

And so now it is very obvious to everyone that I apparently only blogged while at work… :)

Also, I have realized that I had developed some “bad girl behavior” lately – I have been spending my lunch hours SHOPPING. Ooooooo, shopping for everything. Clothes, shoes, junk at Target, jewelry, crap at the beauty supply store, anything I could think of to kill an hour. So, I decided to get a gym membership, as that would be a MUCH better way to spend my time and money.

Today was my first day at the gym, and I actually enjoyed myself. I did have a little freak out trying to figure out how to get the fucking stupid ass lockers to work (you have to insert your “membership card” into the back of the lock before the key would come out – who’s stupid fucking idea was that??). I was walking through the locker room trying all the other empty locker keys, thinking maybe the locker I had picked was just broken… nope, apparently I’m just stupid. I finally figured it out by opening the locker, craning my neck INTO the locker to follow the very confusing PICTURE instructions on the back. I actually looked at the picture showing you putting a card in the back, and thought to myself “I have to put a fucking CREDIT CARD in there??? I thought these things were FREE!!!”… then it hit me…




Soooooo, once I figured out the very complicated free locker system, and then spent half and hour watching TV on an exercise bike, I decided that I really liked the club. I think I will enjoy going there a few times a week.

I also got a deal, and got tanning included, so I am trying to figure out how I want to alternate them – can’t do both on the same day, just don’t enough time to screw off THAT much… So I was thinking I might just do tanning on the “T” days (“T” for Tanning, get it? lol) and work out on the rest. Maybe save one day for something totally useless, yet deeply satisfying… like shoe shopping… ahhhh…

Crap! Can’t buy shoes, have to get a pedicure first! Well, damn, looks like I’m going to have to skip the gym tomorrow… sigh…

Monday, April 20, 2009

On a Mission...

So, to answer a question - Needsleepy, yes I am on a mission to find the perfect body hair removal product/service available for lazy ass people... like ME...

Now, I stated before that I made an appointment with a professional to have them make me sleek, shiny and hairless, and my appointment was supposed to be last week. Well, I talked to another friend who suggested "Body Sugaring" in lieu of waxing. Apparently it is less painful, only removes the hair and any dead skin (as opposed to the whole top layer of skin with waxing), and since it only removes the dead skin, you are able to go over and over the same spot as much as needed to get each and every subborn little hair.

After hearing about this amazing service, I immediately called and cancelled my original appointment and made another one at a different salon to have myself "Sugared". My appointment is on Thursday this week, and I am REALLY looking forward to it!!!!

WARNING: The following paragraphs have to do with girly parts... just letting you know, so you are not shocked or offended... :)

I do have to admit, I did make an ass out of myself when I called though. I asked them about pricing and they told me that legs were X amount, bikini was X amount, and LA bikini was X amount. I asked "well whats the difference between regular bikini and LA"? The woman paused for a second and explained to me in a very kind way that Regular was just the part that would show around the edge of your undergarments and LA would be a complete removal of all hair...

Well, duh, Angie, pull your head out of your ass... what did you think it was?? How many different ways IS THERE to wax a bikini area? Anyways, that brings me to my main concern...

Could I really be capable of letting some strange woman give me a LA bikini "sugaring"?????

Just picturing the scene in my head makes me cringe... I mean, do I really want to sit in a chair with my ankles in the air, letting some lady spread some concoction all over my girly parts, then rip it off "over and over again until she gets every last stubborn little hair"???? I don't know if I am woman enough for that, to be honest.

I went ahead and made the appointment for it, but I might chicken out.

Even though woman don't have the same issues with their "downstairs" as men do (Like, I'm not toooo worried about if another woman's 'giner is bigger than mine....), I PERSONALLY do feel some apprehension about my upcoming appointment... I mean, what if I have a weird looking vagina? I mean, to be honest, I haven't seen THAT MANY vaginas, so I wouldn't really know... I think it is normal, but what if I have an extra lip, or something is in the wrong place???? Or what if ALLL those vaginal child deliveries made it saggy and droopy??

I mean, seriously, I know there are parts of mine that I CAN'T EVEN SEE!! What if I have some weird birthmark in the shape of a dildo or something equally odd and/or embarrassing?

Not to mention the fact that your hair is supposed to be 1/4" long... well I got a ruler out today just to kinda see how long 1/4" really is, and holy crap! My legs, I'm not really sure I'm gonna hit the mark, and sadly, I think I have left the 1/4" goal in the freakin' dust on the Downstairs area. Will she have to get scissors out to trim it up, just to be able to FIND the freakin' thing??? And do I really want a stranger that close to my bits with really sharp scissors????

I usually have that tiny bit of embarrassment when I have a pedicure, especially if I haven't shaved my legs recently (and as we have discussed, that is AN EXCELLENT possibility). Well, this is a little more personal that your feet, you know... I mean, is this chick gonna go run and tell the whole salon that I'm lopsided, or how I was so furry I could have passed for a snow shoe????? Then what happens next time when I go in, will they all laugh me??????

Hmmm.... am I overthinking this?

Anyways, I might chicken out and have her do my underarms instead... we'll see...

Thursday, April 16, 2009

My Boy...The Man...

As most of you know, I have a precious little boy named Blake. I was a little nervous when I found out my third child would be a boy, as I had 2 GIRLS… and I knew what to do with GIRLS – But boys… no freakin’ clue.

I DO have 2 nephews, but they both have special needs, so the things they do are not always what ALL boys would do, so I wasn’t REALLY sure what I was getting into with the “boy” thing. Everyone kept telling me, “Oh boys are WAY easier!”

But based on the majority of men that I know, I always figured that boys would just be more rowdy, break more shit, have more issues with personal hygiene, get in more fights at school, eat more food and leave more messes than girls… generally speaking… And so far, I think I’m right…

Now, my son is PERFECT (of course, right?) and I love love LOVE him, but I swear to you – He was a man from the day he was born.

So, just to prove my point: I am going to list out a description and YOU GUESS – Is the description about my 10 month old SON or my 31 year old HUSBAND…?????

I bet a dollar, whichever one you pick, you will doubt yourself over and over again… you might even flip flop back and forth on your choice, or maybe you won’t even MAKE a choice! That little voice in the back of your head will be whispering “Well, shit my husband is like that”, or “But that one could be a baby boy, too…”

1. He is a night owl.

2. He watches too much TV.

3. He will not get up in the morning when I want him to.

4. He eats his weight in food on a weekly basis.

5. He will pretty much eat anything I cook and will whine if it is not cooked fast enough.

6. Always wants to take a nap at the MOST inopportune time.

7. Gets bored VERY easily.

8. Has the smelliest shit and farts on the planet.

9. He loves his balls and touches them at every opportunity.

10. He is constantly pulling the front of my shirt down so my boobs show, and then laughs about it.

11. All he has to do is flash me that perfect smile and darling dimples and he can get out of any kind of trouble with me… MOST of the time…

12. When I want to give him attention, he could care less, but if I am busy or on the phone HE NEEDS MY ATTENTION IMMEDIATELY!

13. He sticks his fingers in my mouth whenever I yawn without covering my mouth with my hand.

14. Would eat food off of the floor if I would let him.


15. The bathroom is probably his favorite room in the whole house…

Ok guys, so which is it?????

Thursday, April 9, 2009

The Ways of the Woman - Wax On, Wax Off...

I was never what you would call a “girly girl”. I didn’t do my hair AT ALL (didn’t even dry it most of the time, let alone style or curl it), or pay attention to clothes, jewelry, or any of that crap. Hell, I didn’t even wear mascara or lipstick…I bought my clothes at Wal-Mart and Target, buying whatever was on sale and usually only buying clothes when I HAD to.

Most of my clothes were cheap and poor quality, and I really didn’t give a shit. I had like 2 or 3 pairs of black pants that I wore to work, over and over and over again… and I only wore dresses to weddings (and only then if I was in the freakin’ thing and HAD to wear a dress – otherwise, black pants here I come).

But the past few years have been progressive for me and the last 6 months have really been a turning point...

A few years back, it all started with a slight obsession with shoes and boots; then came the purses… then coats, jackets, scarves, etc. Then I actually bought my first bottle of REAL perfume (which I STILL wear, lol). Before that, I had always just used body spray and that was only IF I remembered.

2 years ago, I think is when took my first big step. I got LASIK eye surgery. OMG no more glasses, messing with contacts, NOTHING!! I have realized that (in retrospect) contacts and glasses were part of the reason I never wore eye make-up. Mascara would always flake and get stuck in my eyes, blah blah blah…

Then about 6 months ago, I bought (off of the internet, of course) the world’s BEST hair straightener and I used it EVERY day since. Got into the habit of allotting myself an extra 30-45 minutes so I could do my hair every morning. Just these 2 things (hair and no glasses) made me feel a lot better about my appearance…

Also about six months ago is when I started my weight loss program. As I slowly started losing weight, I got more and more interested in clothes and accessories, probably because I was finally able to find clothes that I thought ACTUALLY LOOKED GOOD on me… Necklaces no longer made my neck look fat and rings didn’t have rolls of fat on either side of the band!! Holy shit!!!

Then, I started really DOING my makeup (another 10 extra minutes in the morning by the way…). It was then that I realized I have turned into a girly girl… omg, what has the world come to???

So, as I embrace my girly-ness new ideas keep popping into my head every day… Like a couple of weeks ago, I decided that since I use up a lot of my “getting ready time” in the morning for hair, make-up, clothes, accessories, etc., I have been neglecting the CHORE of shaving my legs… /sigh. I fucking HATE shaving my legs.

(I remember when I couldn’t WAIT to start shaving my legs! Now I think of it as another pointless chore, like making the bed. I mean, the bed is just gonna get slept in the same night! What’s the point? Well the leg hair will start growing back immediately and I will need to shave again by tomorrow… see my logic?)

Anyways, the point to the story is I got the bright idea of WAXING my legs… yep…
My thoughts were, “It will take like 30 minutes, but I won’t have to do it again for like a MONTH!!” Sounds like a freakin’ dream, right??? Nooooooo…

I had convinced myself that I could do it. Sure it would hurt, but so did childbirth and I survived that. And it can’t possibly hurt THAT bad, right? Hmmm, wrong again, Angie…silly little bitch...

So one evening, I gathered up all the waxing materials that I would need and headed to the bathroom.

I laid everything out on the counter with the instructions taped FIRMLY to the mirror so I would have my hands free for more important things (like dialing 911). I took the popsicle stick and applied a THIN layer of wax to my left shin. It wasn’t too hot, so it didn’t burn, GOOD START!! I apply the cloth strip to the wax covered area, and rub down several times, like the directions said to.

At this point, I’m thinking “I am following the instructions, this will work out great!!” I counted to 3 then grabbed a hold of the bottom of the cloth strip, preparing to “Remove in the opposite direction of the hair growth”. I suddenly froze. My mind was screaming “What the fuck are you thinking??? We are SO not doing this!!” Well, I sat there gripping the strip for about 10 seconds trying to figure out if abandoning the project was even an option at this point… well no, dumb shit – you already have wax on your leg covered with cloth. What are you going to do, just NEVER pull it off?? So I took a DEEEEEP breath, closed my eyes (yea I really did) and YANKED!


Omg, yea girls, it hurts. I was trying to decide if I was going to just shave the rest off, or what, when I looked at the strip. WOW it ACTUALLY worked!! I looked at my leg – AWESOME! Perfect little bare patch was beaming back at me. It had worked! And I was still alive!! I took my finger and rubbed the bare little spot – ooooooo sooooooo soft!!! I could do this – it hurt, sure, but it was bearable! Especially if my legs were going to end up THIS SMOOTH….. ooooooooooo…..

So I was convinced. I grab my popsicle stick, and smear on some more wax, press the cloth down, count to 3 and – FREEZE. Even though my mind was sure about this self-mutilation, apparently my flesh was not cooperating. So again, I spent about 5-10 seconds talking my hand into it – RRRIIIIIIIPPPP! WHOO HOO it worked again!!!!

After about 5 or 6 strips, I think my nerves were just starting to go numb, and I finished up the left leg (well, the knee down, anyways) with no further problems, and even did the other leg!!

O yeah, baby! It is I, the Amazing Angie, the Master Waxer extraordinaire! I AM NOW A REAL WOMAN! Oh yes, I have fought the body hair, and I WON! And no shaving for a month!!!

After several minutes of congratulating myself, and patting myself on the back, I hear a little voice in the back of my mind… I said to myself, “Hey that wasn’t so bad! You know, Angie……… your bikini area could really use some TL-Waxing too…”

Hmmm, that is a very interesting proposition… “You know what, self?? YOU’RE RIGHT! Good looking out, man!!”

………Can you see where this is going?

I propped up my foot on the toilet seat, and CAREFULLY applied wax to the left of my bikini area. I applied the strip… so far so good. And of course, I had to pause and give myself a little pep talk one last time…


IT WORKED! WHOOOOOO! It hurt (A LOT – A lot more than the legs, FOR SURE), but it ACTUALLY worked! I was constantly being impressed with this fabulous product called WAX. Wow, amazing stuff! I should buy stock!!

So without further adieu, I slapped on some more wax to the right side, tossed the strip on, and waited for a few seconds.

This is where I ran into a slight problem… apparently yanking on a small cloth strip with your right hand is pretty much impossible when waxing the right side of your bikini area. Hmmm… so I guess we try it Southpaw, right? Let’s DO IT!!!! 1, 2, 3, RIIIIIIP!






After the tears subsided, and the spots dancing across my vision subsided, I looked down to see my newly manicured bush… WTF?

I look at the strip glued to my hand – 16 lonely hairs clung to the sad little strip… Motherfucker. Unfortunately, I lack the dexterity in my left hand required for “Bikini Zone Waxing” and half of the wax and most of the hair is still stuck to my ‘Giner.

Well, shit. I reach down and see if I can pull some of the clumps of wax off with my fingers – little tip for you: DON’T TRY TO PULL OFF CLUMPS OF WAX WITH YOUR FINGERS.

I wildly scan the counter for the little tiny bottle of “Wax Remover” that I had read about in the directions… where the fuck is the fucking bottle???? Is this a fucking joke??

THERE IT IS! On the floor, about 4 feet away! It must have gotten knocked off during one of my hysterics…

I immediately dive for the bottle of sweet sweet oil, when I feel my private areas PULL.

Oh shit. In my haste I had forgotten a very important detail – there was still wax on the right side of my ‘giner. So, my leg and my hoo-ha were now stuck – together. Fuuuuuuuuuck.

I grab the little bottle and start dumping it on. I rubbed and rubbed, working it in between my leg and my girly parts, crying the whole time, tears dripping all over the place... “Please, oh please work, I promise I will never be this fucking stupid again, just please let this work!!”

After about 4 hours (ok, at least 5 minutes) of rubbing, the wax finally started to come off. Underneath the mound of wax and matted hair, I now see a HUGE bruise that looks VERY MUCH like a gigantic hickey. Perfect! Now, how in the fuck am I going to explain THAT to my husband??? “I swear honey, it was from waxing my legs…” Uh huh…fucking wax.

I never did get the right side done. I have decided that home waxing is the stupidest fucking idea EVER.

But considering that I still hate shaving, I made an appointment for next week to go to a “professional” (professional waxer, not like a hooker or anything…). I’ll let you know how it goes…wish me luck!!

That bitch better know what she is doing… I’m debating on taking a pain pill before I go…

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Where the @#$% You Been???!?!

Well, people, let me tell ya - 'Real Life' came along and just knocked my dick in the dirt (so to speak). I have been running around like a crazed woman, putting out fires, taking care of business, making plans for Big Daddy's layoff, following kiddies around with a puke bucket, and working my ass off, the whole time watching my back to make sure I don't get a shank stuck in my spine again.

Yep, had some problems at work, some bitches threw me under the bus. There should be a limit on how many women are allowed to work in one office space. And I think that limit should be ONE. I freakin' HATE HATE HATE working with women!!!! Women are catty, ruthless, hateful, vidictive little bitches in the workplace (well, and everywhere else to, but that doesn't bother me as much)... But, after several weeks, things are finally turning around and should start going better ( /crosses fingers, toes, eyes, etc.). Hopefully all my bullshit apologies and ass kissing will pay off.

Since it has been so long since my last post, I will not bore you all with a "play by play" of what's been going on, on my side of the fence. But I will give you a "Highlights and Low-lights" of the past few weeks, and hopefully that will be sufiencient.

Start at the bottom, and work your way up, so here are:

'The Low-lights'...( /blows raspberry "Booooo!")

1. Work sucks. Stupid people with stupid problems and people who can't mind their own fucking business make my weekdays miserable.

2. Pat is getting laid off, as of... well, as of 3:00 this afternoon...

3. All the kids have sick CONSTANTLY. Everything from sore throats, coughs, the flu, sinus congestion, and all that shit, we have had it all. I am SO very tired of cleaning up puke...

4. Blake is still on "2nd Shift" schedule for sleeping and I am up until about 1 am every night with him, and getting up at 6 am for work. No rest for the wicked, I guess...

5. Made the idiotic mistake of trying to wax my legs and bikini area... OMFG that is a WHOLE other blog... ( /slaps forhead - "stupid, stupid, stupid!")

6. I ran out of vodka... twice... (SHAME!)


1. I paid off my car. Woot!

2. I met my weight loss goal, and even passed it by 4 pounds. I lost a grand total of 44 pounds since October, and yesterday bought my first pair of size 6 pants in 7 years!

3. Probably as a direct result from number 2, I have been having a lot of sex! /claps excitedly

4. I got married! (Kinda...) Had to sign a "Common Law Affidavit" so I could put Pat on my health insurance at work. So, now - according to the state of Kansas - we are married. Awwwwww, how romantic...

5. Wrote (what ended up being a very popular and highly forwarded) an email to a company that works with special needs children (including my nephews and niece) here in town. From that email, my sister and I were invited to an Advocate's in the Community Luncheon. From the luncheon, we have gotten involved in the proposed bill to remove the waiting period for the KS Autism Waiver. I got a lot of comments and recognition for the email that I wrote, and it really made me feel good about myself, and I was pleased that so many were touched by it.

6. Bought more vodka!!! TWICE!!!! :)

So.... there you go. I've had a lot going on, and I'm sorry to everyone for not being able to write on here, or visit other blogs. I am trying to get back on more often, so don't give up on me!

Monday, March 2, 2009

Playing "Ketchup" - Award Ceremony for Yours Truly... Only about 2 weeks late...

OK - Sorry I'm a big ol' loser, and I am JUST getting around to posting these, but I have been given some fantastic awards lately and they need to be recognized!

First, we have a homemade award from Needsleepy! This one was a big surprise and I have to admit, I got a tiny little swell of pride when I saw this on there... I have even included HER NOTE that she put about me on her page!! :)


"This one I HAVE to give to Super Mom over @ Breed 'em and Weep. Whether she is having a shitty day or a fabulous day...her stories just draw you in. I read her posts everyday! I love following stories with her hilarious children and of course her special man in her life. Sometimes she just writes about weird and off the wall stuff that comes out of nowhere, it's GREAT! Again, if you have not taken the time to read this should! Thanks for keeping my day entertaining....always!"

Awwww, thank you dahling!!! Love you, love you, love you!!!

Next is from a fantastic woman, one of the most inspiring women I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. It is from my mommy, WalkingInADream. Isn't that sweet?

But really, my mother has taught me so much about how to be your own person, how to be strong, decide what you believe and stick to it, and how to endure anything life might throw at you. She has also shown me that I can do ANYTHING and to never let myself or anyone else's opinion of me get in the way of what I really want out of life.

I hope I can lead by example and teach my children these same values. I love you mom.

And finally, I have also been given the Mom of the Year award!!! Holy shit, does ANYONE actually READ my blog???? lol But, I will go ahead and graciously accept this award on behalf of my 3 little angels. :) Oddly, they often look a lot like the little girl in the picture... "MOMMY SAID NO!"

This one comes with rules...

1) Admit that ONE thing you feel awful about involving being a mom. Get it off your shoulders. Once you've written it down, you are NO LONGER allowed to feel bad. It's over with, it's in the past. Remember, you're a good mom!
2)To remind yourself that you ARE a good mom, list SEVEN things you love about your kids, you love doing with your kids, or that your kids love about you. These are the things to remind yourself of EVERY DAY that you rock!
3)Send this to FIVE other Moms of the Year that deserve forgiveness and a reminder that they, too, are the best moms they can be!!! Remember to send them a note to let them know you've selected them, and add a link to the person who nominated you!
So, number one...
I feel horrible that I let my kids watch WAY too much TV. I have so much crap to do in the evenings, and that is what they always want to do - it just seems easier than having to fight with them about it....
Josie told me over the weekend, while she was watching me hang up her clothes, that I needed to get a "Wonder Hanger" and proceeded to tell me all of the fantastic attributes of this wonderful product that she saw on TV. She also informed me of what all you got on your order, how much it is, and if I ordered now I would get 2 stick up lights to use in closets, etc... I am SO very thankful that we were at home and not out in public somewhere... or else I would have had to pretend that she was practicing her lines for her lead role in the school play titled "I have a Lousy Mom who lets me watch too much TV while she is cooking dinner, doing dishes and taking care of my baby brother, so I have seen infomercials so many times I have them memorized"... She also told my sister all about "Bend-a-roos" while on the way to her birthday party... I was humiliated...
Number two - Seven things that I love about my kids:
1. I love all their different personalities. They are all so different, and each one is so very unique. I love that Josie is so friendly, that Mia is so rambunctious, and that Blake is so "Chill out and Relax". I hope they all keep their individuality as they get older.
2. I love it when Josie is leaving for school and Mia runs up to give her a hug and a kiss goodbye. They hug, and kiss then tell each other they love each other and Josie says she will see Mia when she gets to Gramma's later... Then Mia stands at the door watching Josie walk out to the car, saying "Bye Bye Dosie!!!" and blowing kisses.
3. I love it when Mia says Please, Thank you and You're Welcome... particulary when she actually supposed to! Nothing cuter when you say "Mia, can you put that in the trash?" She says "OK!" You say "Thanks, hon." She says "You're Welcome Mommy!" Awww.... or the little "Tank You!" when you give her some juice or a cracker... awww....
4. I love hearing "I Love You, Mommy". Nothing in the world can top that. Ever.
5. I love Blake's smile. The girls are darling and have the sweetest smiles and laughs, but for some reason little Blake's smile just melts my heart. Probably because he seems to know exactly when you REALLY NEED that smile. You can be running around like crazy, make him sit in his chair for 30 minutes while rushing around doing a million other things. You know he should be totally fucking pissed at you, but the second you turn to him, he shoots you the most heart warming smile. Its like he's saying, "Hey no sweat mom. It's cool. I know you are busy, but I still love ya". Well, at least that is what I am pretending he is saying in my head... I'm sure he probably just has gas...
6. I love when the girls are playing in their room together. I remember playing with my sister when I was little, playing together... squealing and laughing, running, jumping, giggling, all that... the most wonderful background noise ever. Until something crashes...
7. I love that my kids are well behaved in public. They can be rotten to the core at home, but in public they are USUALLY sweet as pie. Everyone always compliments me on well behaved my kids are and what little angels they are... Thank gawd they don't see us at home or I would be getting weekly visits from whomever it is that visits you when your kids are BAD...not Santa Claus, the other one....
And number three.....
Every mommy deserves this award!! Take it and run, ladies!

Thursday, February 26, 2009


Ok, I know it has been a while since I put up a new blog, and although this TECHNICALLY counts as a new blog, it's really not...

This is just an apology and begging you all not to forget about me.

My stupid ol' REAL LIFE is constantly getting in the way of my virtual one!!! I am super stressed at work, things are crazy at home, kids have been sick, have a birthday party to host on Saturday, and blah blah blah... geez, I'm even boring the shit out of myself with this post.

Ok, I'll try to get on here tonight (yea right, Angie... WTF EVER!) or tomorrow and play a little catch up with blogspot life.


Monday, February 16, 2009

"S" is for...SUPER MOM!

Sooooo, J.J. in L.A. was playing the Alphabet Game on her blog last week, and asked for volunteers to play along. Well, you know me, I am always up for some game-playing, so I said "Sure! Why not?"
She assigned me the letter "S". I am supposed to list 10 things that start with "S" that I like...About 5 minutes after getting my assignment, I decided that JJ must REALLY like me, as she has given me the easiest freakin' letter in the alphabet. Within 5 minutes I had the required 10 and still had "S"s popping to mind...
SO - being the overachiever that I am, I have decided not to share TEN things with you, but I'm going to really challenge myself, and double it... that's right folks! TWENTY big ones, comin' atcha! Oh, and I tried to limit the food references... they seemed like a cop out considering half the foods on the planet start with S. I mean, there is seafood, swiss cake rolls, sugar cookies, sour cream and chive dip, Skittles, Sweet and Sour Chicken, Spaghetti, Spaghetti O's and meatballs, etc., etc.
So, without further adieu, here we gooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.....

1. Sleep

I love to sleep. I don’t GET to sleep much, but there is nothing better than going to bed and not waking up until YOU DECIDE to wake up!!! I usually get up because of an alarm, a baby crying, TV blaring, kids fighting or a large crash… all of which immediately put me in a shitty mood for the day. I think if I was allowed to, I could sleep for an entire 24 hour period without even having to wake up for a pee break… ahhhhh sleep, how I miss you, you elusive little…

2. Sex, Sex, and More Sex

Well, DUH. OF COURSE this would be on my list – I have 3 freakin’ kids!!! It is a little obvious that this would be a favorite past time… But again, just because I LIKE to, doesn’t mean I GET to. I have an exceptionally high sex drive, which few men have ever been able to keep up with. I frequently feel like the “the man” in the relationship, constantly badgering my partner for a little “roll in da hay”. At the beginning of our relationship, Pat could “keep up”. Then, after a year or two, it plummeted to a “Stock Market-like” low. But over the past few months, probably due to closing down the baby making factory, I am (FOR THE FIRST TIME) having a difficult time keeping up with HIM!!! Omg, it must be payback for making me giving birth over and over again… I would have had them all sooner if I knew THIS would happen! WHOOOO! Now the only problem is finding time away from kiddos so we can “do it”… I think I need a tree house… or a garage…

3. Sin City

Oh, Sin City, how I miss you. I know a lot of people say that Vegas is too loud, too gaudy, too smoky, etc. Well those are all the things that I LOVE about it!! I would go there at least once a year if I could… I think one of the biggest attractions for me (besides gambling /slaps hand) is the fact that there is ALWAYS something new to go check out. And the fact that you can walk down the street, in and out of casino after casino, while holding a foot tall margarita and chain smoking as you check out “all the new stuff” makes Sin City my #1 vacation spots in the continental US.

4. Slow dancing

Awwww, slow dances… I love holding someone close, swaying back and forth to the music, laying your head on the man’s shoulder, breathing in his cologne… Ahhh. Now, as much as I love this, Pat and I have only slow danced MAYBE 3 times. Ever. Now, it’s not because he refuses to dance with me or just plain hates it or anything like that – it’s because he is SERIOUSLY 13 ½ INCHES TALLER THAN ME. Yea, really. Over a foot taller, which makes slow dancing a little awkward… Strangely enough, it doesn’t make the above number 2 difficult at all… I guess we will just have to stick to that instead of slow dancing… sigh, I guess I’ll just take one for the team… :)

5. Sundays

Oh, I love me some Sunday afternoons. Usually Saturday is the day that I clean house, start laundry, do grocery shopping, all that other bullshit. Saturdays are pretty much a work day, so they pretty much just suck. BUT Sundays… that is my “F” off day. I sit around on my ass watching TV, talk on the phone, playing a video game or going out with the family. And now, you can even buy booze on Sundays, which makes it even better. LoL. Best day of the week, in my opinion.

6. Spa days

Omg, a day at the spa… where else can you go and walk around in a robe, get a facial, a full body massage, manicure, pedicure, your hair washed, cut and styled AND they serve you lunch?? I think they have said that heaven is like that, but it’s a little harder to get in to…

7. Slippers

Wow, I love slippers. I wear them ALL the time!! Well, not to work, but… I am one of those tacky people that go to the grocery store, gas station, the bank, where ever, in my slippers. I make sure to buy the kind that has rubber soles so they don’t get messed up on my trip around town… I DO leave the robe and hair curlers at home, as I do not want to be THAT tacky!! But I’m still young, so that might change in the next few decades… I’ll keep ya posted…

8. Subway Sandwiches

For those that have no idea what Subway is (is there anyone still living under a rock or in the Soviet Union, maybe?), Subway is the best damn sandwich shop EVER. I always “liked” it, but during my pregnancies I really began to appreciate it to its full extent. I ate this SO often, that the employees all knew what I wanted as soon as I walked in. Not only that, but they even knew my due date, the sex of the baby and any names I had picked out…

My favorite sandwich, you might ask? “Foot long on white, ham and cheese (American cheese, please), double meat, double cheese, with EXTRA mayo”. They have the BEST freakin’ mayo on the planet… I know it’s gross, but I can’t help myself. If the sight of someone eating a sandwich with mayo dripping out one end (and then that person licking it off and going “mmmmmmmmmmm”) grosses you out – you might not want to take me to lunch at Subway…

9. Singing in the car

Out of my MANY talents, I would have to say my ability to take a perfectly good song and butcher the hell out of it in my car is probably my most proficient. I have been perfecting this art for over a decade and I really think if there was a competition for this, I would win, hands down. I sing off key, too loudly, and usually don’t REALLY know all the words… not the right words, anyways…

10. Smoking

I love to smoke. I have smoked for 16 years (with the exception of pregnancies and/or breastfeeding times) and I have no intention of quitting. I do not smoke in the house, or around my children. Back when there was “smoking sections” in restaurants, I never sat in them if I had my children with me. I love to smoke when I drive, when I have a drink, or while I am waiting for my food and/or after eating. Dining alone on my lunch hours, I usually pick somewhere that still allows smoking, which usually turns out to be a Bar and Grill. Unfortunately, since they enacted the no smoking city ordinance, there are several places I used to frequent on lunch hours that I no longer go to because you can’t smoke there. I will go there for dinner, but on my lunch I want to smoke, since I can’t smoke at my desk at work… they tend to frown on that…

11. Swearing

Holy shit, I can’t help my fucking swearing. I make a VERY strong effort to not swear around my kids, but it doesn’t always work. I NEVER swear AT them, but I have done it around them which is apparent by my oldest daughter reminding me that I “Shouldn’t say that word, it’s a bad word, mommy” at least once a day. Then I’m like “Oh, shit honey, I’m sorry”. Actually she is a big help – otherwise Mia’s already crazy-ass behavior would become “social services worthy” if she started popping off with “Oh shit! Dammit!!” when she spills her juice, or “Kiss my ass, ma!” when I tell her to pick up her toys…

12. Sal’s

Sal’s is a Japanese steakhouse that cooks their food hibachi style, right at the table. The give you a ton of food, the food is fantastic, the cooks are hilarious, and they have a HUGE drink called a Volcano. It is “supposed” to be enough for two people, and comes with a fire in the middle of it. WOO HOO! They are also the only place in town that I have found plum wine, which is soooooo good – the only way to make it better would be if they would give you your wine in a “big girl” glass instead of the little baby one that it comes in…

13. Sisters

I am so very glad that I have two girls, because they each have a sister now. My sister is one of the most important people in my life and I would be lost (and probably pretty bored) without her! I think it is just so cute when Josie is getting ready to leave for school and her sister comes barreling down the stairs to give her a kiss and hug good-bye; Or at night, when they go to bed, and they INSIST on sleeping in the same bed, snuggling down into the covers giggling and laughing together. I hope they grow up to be as close as my sister and I are. Keep your fingers crossed!!!

14. Sleeping in the nude

Wearing clothes to bed bothers me. I get too hot and sweaty, and my pants always get twisted around my waist or around my legs. My underwear crawls up my butt and my shirt gets jammed into my armpits. Being naked just eliminates all the irritants and allows me to actually STAY asleep through the night. And makes number one and two easier to accomplish on my tight schedule...

15. Sexy lingerie

I don’t know what it is about lingerie, but I actually wear it for MYSELF more often than for someone else. Maybe it’s because regardless of my weight, clothes or my haircut, if I wear a sexy pair of panties and matching bra, I FEEL sexy for the whole day…

16. Soda

I’m a soda drinker. I love soda, Mountain Dew in particular. I used to drink 9-10 cans of Dew a day, from the moment I woke up until right before bedtime. Since I went on my diet, my doctor told me I was no longer allowed to drink regular soda, and I almost cried. I have adapted to this new requirement as best I can, but every time I go to the vending machine for a Diet Dr. Pepper, I can’t help but stare at the Mt. Dew button, while my mind tries to convince my button pushing finger that “just one would be ok”. I am proud (and depressed) to say that I have been able to talk myself out of it each time, and continue to push the DDP one… /sob

17. Silence

I LIKE IT QUIET. You will probably NEVER hear me say “I just need some background noise”. Fuck background noise. If there is ever a time where I am at home with no children and no man, I can guarantee that the TV will be off, the radio will be off, and I will be quieting enjoying a good book, a hot bath or a much needed nap. Also, I rarely drive with the radio on, unless someone else is in the car with me. I am fine with driving in silence…

Pat has a horrible habit of turning on EVERYTHING in the house that makes noise, in every room. Go into the kitchen – radio is blaring. Go to the bathroom – radio is going in there too. Living room – TV on, and turned up WAY to loud. Bedroom – TV and/or radio is a must, and if he magically goes to bed before me I always have to brace myself for the inevitable 3 seconds after I flip the TV off - “What are you doing??? I was listening to that!!”

18. Seeley Booth

Oooooo, Seeley Booth. For those of you who do NOT know who this is, this is the FBI agent on the TV show "Bones". He is shhhhh-moking hot, super sexy and a good guy to boot! He is the classic Knight in Shining Armor that your mommy told you stories about when you were little. I think the most attractive thing about him is the fact that despite all the wonderful, noble things he does, he RARELY takes credit for, or brags on his self about. He is a Genuine Nice Guy, and a caring and loving father… and, yes I KNOW he is a fictional character. He would have to be, because no man on the planet is ACTUALLY like this… dammit…

19. Suede

Oh, luxurious suede – I have suede coats, suede boots, suede gloves… I love the look, the feel, the smell of suede. It just hugs you and caresses your skin, and makes you feel a little more important than you know you actually are…

20. Smiles
I love smiles. Especially baby smiles. Those just warm me right down to my toes!! Everyone needs to feel special, appreciated, and noticed. A smile accomplishes ALL of that! If anyone on here tries to tell me that a baby smiling at you doesn't make you grin, you are full of shit.
One of the coolest thing about a smile is when you give one away, you almost ALWAYS get one back. Try in line at the grocery store tonight! I bet you a dollar it will work! (Be sure it is a genuine one though... doesn't usually work with those fake, shit eating smiles...)
Well, there you go! My "S"s!
Now, to be honest, I could keep going... there is all kinds of shit that I could put on here, but frankly I'm running out of time, and my head is starting to hurt a little... :)
If you would like to play along, just let me know, and I will give YOU a letter too!!! Come on, you know you want to!!!

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Don't F%@! With a Winner

Oh, yes, my good friends... I'm a winner. I have - AGAIN - been given the prestigious honor of being selected as a half assed good blogger!! WOO! If my mother could see me now, she would be soooo proud! lol

I have been given 2 (COUNT 'EM - T W O!) more awards!!! Let's check them out, shall we??

So, my wonderful sister and lifelong friend, Needsleepy, has nominated me for the Sisterhood Award!!!!! This award is given to those blogs which show great Attitude and/or Gratitude. Thanks sweetie!!! I love it!! It is sooooooo very purty!!!!!

(Although.... I regretfully suspect I won this by default, because of the name "Sisterhood Award"... I just don't know if many would agree that I possess or project onto this blog "Great Attitude OR Gratitude"...but hell, I'll take it! I LOOOOOVE winning shit!!!)

This is very sweet, Shell. Thank you very much. :) Love you!!!

Now, I do have to lay down "The Rules"... they are:

1. Put the logo on your blog or post. (Done! - Damn I'm an overacheiver...)
2. Nominate 10 blogs which show great Attitude and/or Gratitude(If you don't have 10, its ok.) (I will not have 10, but I know it will be ok...)
3. Be sure to link to your nominees within your post. (See below, por favor)
4. Let them know they have received this award by commenting on their blog. (I will definitely do this!! If I remember...)
5. Share the love and link to this post and to the person from whom you received your award. (I did THIS already too!!! See above...)

Ok, my nominations goooo toooooo:

Whiney Momma - She is a very dedicated blogger! She is my "Always has a new post to read" gal and I love ya for it :)
Brittany (The Greer 5) - Her most recent post inspired the hell outta me lol :)
J.J. in L.A. (The World According to JJ in LA) - Now, this woman could very well be the most deserving of this award. Her entire outlook on life is amazing, and I can only hope that one day I could learn to adopt her attitude...she truly has a great one, and that is what this award is really about.
Mommy Chrissie (Mommies Keeping it Real) - Such a very cool lady. As hard as most moms think they have it, she has a little extra obstacle to overcome, but makes it look effortless. :)
And how can you pass up a little lady that loves playing with her son AND can never say no to a little "Bones".... Kendrasue!! (Life in the Slow Lane)

Anyways, there you have it! My 5 (we will just go ahead and call it 10, just for argument's sake), be sure to check them out whenever you have a few extra minutes! Good reads, all of them! :)

Ok, Second we have the - well, I'm not really sure WHAT the name of it is, but it's fucking fabulous, regardless...

So, now I have to share 10 facts about myself, and provide a meaningful quotation. Finally, I have to list 5 people who I believe deserve this award.

So, 10 facts about me... where to begin? I have told SO MANY facts about myself in the past few months, I'm trying to figure out if there are any FACTS LEFT TO TELL?!!!! LOL

1. My favorite things to shop for are shoes and purses... why, you ask? Because I've NEVER said or HEARD anyone say "Does this purse/shoe make my ass look big?" You know WHY I've never heard it? Because purses and shoes don't MAKE your ass look big... That's why I like to shop for them :)

2. I love to talk on the phone. All the time. To anyone. About anything. Or about nothing. Give me a call, we'll chat. :)

3. When I was a teenager I used to eat Doritos dipped in cottage cheese, and I LOVED it. Still Do.

4. I type much faster on an ergonomically correct keyboard. But I am too cheap to buy one for my computer at home, so I just chicken peck at the crappy one I have at home, cussing at it and wishing I was at my desk at work with my perfect EC keyboard... I have even thought about stealing it from work, but I worry that they wouldn't buy me a new one, then I would REALLY be screwed...

5. I do not know how to burn a DVD, and I am afraid I will never learn, because I will never ask to be taught because I feel stupid for not knowing.

6. I was a huge geek/nerd/reject in school. I have really grown up, found myself, and have really become a people person (I think, anyways...). I even think I'm kind of cool now... but everytime I run into an old classmate, I feel like a reject again...

7. I was 9 lbs 1 oz at birth. BOOOOOOOOOORN fat and just grew bigger. lol

8. I always wanted to be a rockstar. I can't sing for shit, and I know it, but I used to have dreams in grade school about singing concerts on the playground. The closest I ever got was singing Karaoke shit-faced drunk in a local bar... and doing it badly, I might add... I think I might actually have a little resentment toward my ex about the rockstar thing, because he actually had talent to do it, but lacked the drive... seemed like such a waste of talent to me.

9. I think feet are the ugliest part of the body - especially MINE. If I had the means to do it, I would try and have plastic surgery on my feet to make them more attractive... first thing - I would have my big toes "thinned".... they are freakshow fat. I have never understood feet fetishes and I never will.

10. I don't really like my new haircut... I wish I had not gotten layers. You would think after this many years, I would have learned by now... dammit...

And my meaningful quote is:

"If you do what you have always done, you will get what you have always gotten." - Bunker Hunt

For some reason, this quote really hits home with me. I actually have it as my screensaver at work, so I never forget - sometimes, things HAVE to change...

And for 5 people that deserve this blog? Well shit, I think we all deserve it. I know it sounds like a cop-out and I just don't want to list 5 people in particular, but that's not really true. I could list 5 people that really do deserve it, but then there would be a whole slew of bloggers who deserve it too, but didn't get "picked". And I think that is kinda shitty.

We all pour our souls into the vast emptiness of the internet on a daily basis. Sometimes just to vent, sometimes to celebrate, sometimes to get help. Sometimes we even write things that we would NEVER say out loud to a real person, because deep down we are all afraid of judgement.

We put our selves out there for the world to see, and just HOPE that there might be someone else out there that feels the same way, someone that you can relate to...

I personally think that anyone who takes time to write a blog (a real blog, mind you, not a web page full of pictures of boobs and the margins full of dick and fart jokes...) deserves to be recognized.

So I present this award to YOU. Every one of my readers, public and anonymous. (All THREE of you!!! LOL)

Everyone should feel the excitement of getting noticed, even if it is something as "insignificant" as a blog award. It's not the Noble Peace Prize or even first place in a wet T-Shirt contest, but damn it, I have to admit, it sure felt good to log in here and see that someone else had given me an award! It was fantastic, and I want everyone to feel that way too. :)


Needsleepy, Momma Young, Mommy Chrissie, Merynne, Ambersmilez, Christine, Upkaran Gupta, Holly, Vodka Mom, Tom G, avm0525, Lisa, Chichiluv2, Twisted Lisa, Chasing Cars, WalkinginaDream, Sissi, No Sex in the City, and Kendrasue - Congratulations! You are ALL big winners... and you don't fuck with a winner, right??? :)

Please take it and post it, list your facts, and your quote and pass it on to another blogger who you feel would like being recognized.

(Whoops, sorry about my touchy feely rant... my soul was showing... I'll try not to let it happen again... :)

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Clapping for Poop

I had decided that I was going to start working on potty training for Mia over the past month or so and it was not going well.

I read info on the internet, in books, etc, trying to decide the best way to go about it. I felt bad because she is two and still in diapers... and I thought back to Josie when she was that age. Josie was always very advanced at most things (walking, talking, colors, numbers, letters, all that) and I remember her being in pullups at two... BUT she wasn't actully potty trained until she was three.

I remember speaking to Josie's daycare provider when she was three, asking for their help in potty training her while she was there. I remember being embarassed that she was 3 and not potty trained yet.

Then they told me that three is actually about the right age for it...any time before that, you are really just training the parents to take the kid to the bathroom every 30 minutes to an hour, "in case" they need to go... that is not really THE CHILD deciding they need to go to the bathroom, that's the mommy guessing they MIGHT... At three, they have a better understanding of the process and can be potty trained in a matter of days. I was skeptical, but I decided to try it.

The first day, I sent her to daycare in big girl panties (and a few extra pairs of pants and stuff). She had an accident that day, but only once. The next day, big girl panties again and NO ACCIDENTS! It took less than a week for her to be accident free all day, and only one accident at night before she was accident free at night. (And, fyi, I also found out that she was one of the first ones in her daycare class to really be truly potty trained, so I didn't feel so bad in the end. And I guess girls catch onto the potty training thing faster than boys...)

SO ANYWAYS, remembering that, I decided that for now, I would just work on getting Mia to tell me "as soon as she goes to the bathroom", and then we will work up to the "telling me BEFORE she goes" part...

This has been hard, but I think she is finally getting the idea. She used to go "Number Two" and just keep it to herself. Just sit around and marinate in it until someone noticed that she stunk to high heaven...

Now, she comes and tells me "Mommy I poop"... and I clap!! "Yea for Mia! Thank you for telling me!!! You are such a good girl!!!" :) She grins, SO very proud of herself, and claps for herself too.

(I really think that she will be able to start telling me a little ahead of time within the next couple of months. I will just let her do it on her own time table instead of trying to push her...)

But now, it has become such a habit, that I caught myself clapping for Blake over the weekend, and I even clapped for Josie last night... /sigh... "Good job, kids! Show that poop who's boss!" "That's right, you wipe your butt and flush TOO!! That's my girl!"

I've reached a new low - I clap and cheer for poop. I swear I used to be cool....