Wednesday, November 26, 2008

My firsts...

Ok, so my sister and fellow blogger Needsleepy has invited everyone to create a blog of "firsts" in their live. Most of mine were too inappropriate, unethical or immoral to post on here, so I have narrowed it down to a few that are "ok" for public knowledge. They are still not that appropriate, but oh well.

Before you start reading these and judging me, please bear in mind that I was YOUNG AND STUPID. I have since matured and seen the error of my ways. :)


My first boyfriend was in 5th grade and his name was Micah. He was a big geek, just like I was. We held hands once, and he hugged me…that was it. Interesting side note, though - I went out on a date with him a few years later in high school, and I found out that he was the WORST KISSER EVER. Seriously. He also ended up being my “first” (and sadly, not my LAST) for ever being licked all over my face and chin during a kiss… EW!


First real kiss was with a boy named James. I was in 7th grade, and it was at my friend’s house. My “friend” was also James’ girlfriend… BAD Angie… This was also my first time ever being felt up – WOO!

Set a Park on Fire

Ok, this was COMPLETELY on accident. I was in seventh grade and we had starting using bunsen burners in science class. My lab partner (James - see above) had stole one, and we were messing with it on the way to his house after school. he lived across the street from English Park which has a huge ditch going through the center (I think it was a drainage ditch). Anyways, he kept lighting it and then sticking his hand in it, so I took it away from him and threw it in the ditch (yes it was still lit). Well, long story short, it was fall, the ditch was full of dry leaves, and... then the Fire Department showed up. We watched from his living room window as the put out the fire, and I was afraid they were going to find the bunsen burner and get my fingerprints off of it, and throw me in jail. My friends thought it was freakin' hilarious...


The first time I ever smoked was in 7th grade with my friend Diane. We went across the street from her house to a school playground and sat underneath the ‘Big Toy’ to smoke cigarettes. I have smoked ever since…

Bought Cigarettes

I bought cigarettes from “Johnny T’s” convenience shop at age 13. He was a sweet old Asian man who sold smokes to EVERYONE.

Smoked Pot

First time I ever smoked pot (age 13), I got invited to go “smoke a bowl”. I knew that they were talking about pot, but in my head I am picturing a “bowl” like a soup bowl. I thought, ‘There’s no WAY I could smoke all that!!’ But I still went, I got high, and then I got sick. But I was not a quitter, so I practiced until I was able to smoke and not puke… lol


My first job was at a Laundromat (same one as my sister!!). This job sucked ass, and I also still hate doing laundry. This was coincidentally, also my first time ever being fired from a job. Not only did I hate the job, apparently I sucked at it…


My first car was an ’84 Cavalier hatchback. What a piece of shit!! Some key things about my first car… first, it had a “Sparkomatic” radio. This radio only got 3 stations, and it would skip to the next one each time you hit a bump. Second, no A/C. (Although my father informed me that it DID have A/C – a “window unit”… ass…) and third, the windshield wipers worked pretty good, but ONLY when you turned your blinker on. And not just turn it on and let it flash for 10 minutes… like turn it on. Then off. On. Then off. On. Then off… yea. MAJOR pain in the ass. BUT - man that car could move! Fast little sucker…


My first concert was Lollapalooza ’96. I was 16. It was in Kansas City and my mom let me go with 3 guys and 2 girls. They bought my ticket, and paid for my hotel room (I roomed with the girls, by the way…). The concert was ALL DAY LONG, outside. They had “rain tents” sent up because it was so hot out, and one of them busted and made a HUGE mud puddle. So we spend the day high and covered in mud. Metallica was the headliner that night and they played so many encores that the show didn’t end until 1 in the morning. Best concert I had ever been to.


My first apartment SUCKED. You walked into the kitchen slash living room. The next room (no hallway, just a doorway) was my bedroom, with one bathroom off of the bedroom and a closet. That was IT. But it was only $300 a month!

First Marriage

My wedding was gorgeous, it just with the wrong guy. My (now ex-) mother in law came to the bride’s room 5 minutes before the ceremony to tell me I ‘still had time to back out’ (and that is a direct quote). I think I may have married him to spite her. Sadly, she was right, and I should have run out the back door.

Found out I was pregnant

The first time I found out I was pregnant was a month after my first marriage. I had stopped my birth control because my doctor had told me since I had been on them SO long, he thought it would probably take about a year to get pregnant. Um… yea. He was wrong. I was getting ready to go out and get drunk with some friends, and I was talking to one of them on the phone. She was complaining about being on her period, blah blah blah, when I realized I was NOT on mine… Went out, bought a pregnancy test, went home and peed on it. When those 2 little lines showed up, I just stared at it for 15 minutes, wondering ‘what in the hell am I gonna do now?’ Needless to say I did NOT go out that night and within a year I had my first daughter.

My First (and only) Divorce

My first marriage lasted 2 ½ years, and that was with about a year of fighting, marriage counseling, and more fighting. My dad called me a year after my divorce to tell me he had just made the last payment on my wedding… ouch…

Peed My Pants in Public

Hmmm… this was hard to decide. I had once peed my pants at a swimming field trip at school, but I don’t think anyone really noticed. So I’m going with the next time that I remember and that was my 23rd birthday. I was at a bar with my sister and some friends, and I drank WAY too much (go figure…). But, it wasn’t really my fault. Everyone in the bar was buying me drink after drink (and who am I to turn down a red bull and vodka?? Those suckers are like $6 a pop!) and shot after shot.

So, eventually I went to the bathroom to puke. And I just kept puking and puking and puking. Puked so much (and had drunk so much) that each convulsion caused me to pee just a little bit. By the time I was done puking, I had peed A LOT. I had my sister grab my long coat and bring it to me in the bathroom, so I could cover up and get the fuck outta there before someone saw. I have since gotten MUCH better at drinking, and actually consider myself to be somewhat of an authority on the subject.

Skinny Dip

The first time I remember skinny dipping was at a lake party with my sister. The most memorable part of that experience was my brother in law. Everyone had stripped down, and headed to the lake, and I was one of the stragglers at the end. I turned to see my brother in law coming out of his tent, wearing a fishing hat, flippers, and an inner tube. Now, what makes this funny is that he had a cigarette in one hand an a beer in the other, but the inner tube had no problem staying up where it was supposed to… :)

Stole a Car

I "borrowed" my sister's car when I was 15. I had a learner's permit. I drove around town, picked up several friends, and then went to the video store (with her video card) to rent movies. At the corner of my street, I noticed what I THOUGHT was dust floating around. I see my neighbor running towards us with a hose, screaming for us to get out of the car. So we all jumped out (I did go back for my cigarettes...), and watched him spray the hood of the car with his garden hose until the "dust" (aka SMOKE) had stopped billowing and the fire stopped dripping underneath it. We then decided to push it around the corner to the house, which was a total pain in the ass because the power steering fluid was GONE and the tires were half melted.

So then I went inside and told my older brother that I had set my sister's car on fire. He in turn called my sister (who thought my brother was completely full of shit) and then called my dad (who laughed his ass off...). Then my brother, his friends, my friends and I all sat around watching our newly rented movies until my sister came home. When she found out he hadn't been lying she was PISSED. I don't know why, it was a piece of shit car anyways, and I really did her a favor... she DID get another car outta the deal...

So that is a few of my firsts! Hope you found it enjoyable, and please feel free to post some of your OWN firsts!!


  1. I did enjoying reading your first's!!!

    Hmmm.. some very enlighting things, most I knew about... a few I did not. Like: I only thought you burned up the car, didn't know about the park. No wonder our taxes went up.

    Thanks for the laughs.

  2. I enjoyed this. Very entertaining. I remember Johnny T's. I miss that place (and guy). :)

  3. This really makes it look like you've had a very interesting life so far and it really makes me reflect on my own firsts. It also gets me extremely excited to experience some of the firsts I haven't had yet. (That sentence had a lot of 'ex's in it. Hope that doesn't mean anything...)

    Very great idea for a post. I will definitely share a similar list when I have one.


  4. Ahhhhhh Southrock....It will always be the place that you peed yourself while you were vomiting in the toilet....ROFL That was a great birthday huh? We has soooooooooooo much fun that night!!


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