Friday, November 14, 2008

Life Lessons From 1980's Movies

So, as most know, my sister and I consider ourselves to be "movie buffs". Movie have played a big role in our lives, so we have colaborated and came up with this listing of the lessons we have learned through watching movies from the 80's. These lessons have shaped us into the wonderful people we are today.

If you cannot guess what movies these came from (at least half of them) then it's one of three things:

A. You are toooooo young to remember any of these!
B. You are toooooo old to remember any of these!
C. You had a deprived childhood. :)

Shall we begin?

1. Never give your panties to a nerd.
2. Always pay your newspaper bill.
3. If you are a geeky girl, the hottest guy in school IS secretly pining for you.
4. Men are always sexier while wearing a loin cloth.
5. Detention can be fun!
6. Goonies never say die.
7. Skipping school is perfectly acceptable ONLY if you go on a national dancing show. And win.
8. If your grandparents disappear, do NOT worry. They are with nice friendly aliens. Not Aging.
9. Never go up against a Sicilian when death is on the line.
10. If you are dying from hypothermia, you should slice open a large animal (a light saber is recommended for this task) and climb inside to stay warm until help arrives.
11. Do not let your pets eat after midnight.
12. There is more than one unicorn left in the world, they are just all in the ocean.
13. The correct term for a rifle is “boomstick”.
14. This is my rifle, this is my gun. This is for shooting, this is for fun.
15. Napalm smells better in the morning.
16. If someone asks you if you’re a god, you say YES.
17. Apes don’t read philosophy.
18. Only a virgin will be able to read the spell.
19. Wolfman DOES have nards.
20. If your sister goes missing, check inside the TV first.
21. You CAN buy love – for $1000.00.
22. Geeks are much better friends than popular people.
23. If you are 17 and REALLY need a job, just fake your resume – they never actually check anything on there anyways.
24. If you are babysitting and end up in a bar full of black people, if you sing them the blues they will not harm you.
25. If you are intelligent, but an under-achiever; alienated from his parents; has few friends and plays tic-tac-toe on your computer you are a classic case for recruitment by the Soviets.
26. Do NOT cross the streams.
27. Chocolate coating makes it go down easier.
28. If you get invited to go to a “small town in Nebraska” but no one knows what a VCR is… you are ACTUALLY in the Soviet Union.
29. Dancing is a very effective way to get an overprotective preacher to loosen up.
30. If you see some doody floating in the pool, take a bite, it just might be a Baby Ruth.
31. Comic Books are an EXCELLENT resource for researching vampires and how to kill them.
32. If you find your friend in a big cocoon of cotton candy, RUN! Killer Clowns are on the loose!
33. If you want to get taller in order to ride a roller coaster, find a Zoltar machine, unplug it, and make a wish.
34. Two men enter, one man leaves.....THAT IS THE LAW
35. You shouldn’t try passing off recovered alien technology as your high school science project.
36. If you are a gamer BEWARE of getting the high score on an arcade game, if you do you will be recruited to fight in an intergalactic war!
37. During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
38. If you are in space be careful of STD's, especially Space Herpes!
39. You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
40. If you are the chosen one, reaching into lava to retrieve a magical weapon to destroy evil will not harm you.
41. If you cut off the horn of a Unicorn, you will plunge the world into eternal darkness
42. If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.
43. When in doubt, nuke the site from orbit!!
44. If you are a man you're chances of getting laid greatly increase if you can hammer a 6 inch spike through a board with your penis.
45. If you are a geeky guy in high school who has trouble getting girls so you decide to make one, don’t forget to wear a bra on your head.
46. In order to take off any miles you may put on your father’s car, just drive home backwards.
47. If you want to get the “cool dream guy”, just wear skin tight black leather, pierce your ears and learn to smoke.
48. Pool sticks, chairs, and bottles are excellent choices for weapons in a bar fight, as they shatter on impact and can incapacitate someone in one whack.
49. When you “mess with the bull, you get the horns”.
50. And, finally, if you see a woman in a diner having a spontaneous orgasm in the middle of her meal, you should probably order “whatever she’s having”.

1 comment:

  1. ROFL!! I must say without those life lessons i wouldn't be the fantastic women I am today!!


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