There are some things that happen to you as a mother, that you NEVER thought you would get used to. In your head, you groan "Omg, not AGAIN. This is SO freakin' disgusting!"
Getting peed on, spit on, pooped on, dirty little fingers getting shoved into your mouth to touch your teeth, putting a supository in your kid's butt and then cheering them on as they try to dislodge the gigantic turd that has been backing them up for 2 days, cleaning poopy diaper after poopy diaper, having to wipe a 3 year olds butt for them, smearing diaper rash cream on all of your children's private parts, a 5 year old using YOUR shirt as a Kleenex, and having your son giggle every time you use a wipey on him because it jiggles his balls. (I threw that last one in there, because that STILL cracks my shit up. He is just like his daddy....) All of these things in life that you NEVER thought it would be possible to "get used to"... but you eventually do.
They are so many things that I didn't even realize I had gotten used to, until someone else points it out. Like the fact that I am unable to go to the bathroom or take a shower or bath ALONE. Ever. The fact that almost on a daily basis, my youngest daughter will surprise me by putting some kind of food in my mouth (half the time it is something she had already tasted and didn't like so she thought she would give it to me, and the other half of the time she has dirt and gunk and shit all over her hands from god knows where and jams those in my mouth too).
But there is ONE THING that I don't think I will EVER get used to - puke.
I hate puke. I am a sympathetic puker: if I see it, hear it or smell it, I will be there puking right next to you...
So, I think it is a really mean joke that Mia has taken up vomitting as a hobby. (She had a medical condition, she really can't help it). She has been getting better the past couple of months, so I had started to think that maybe we were FINALLY moving out of that phase...
Then comes winter time... every time her nose start running, she is back to vomitting from drainage... UGH. The most recent one, Mia climbed in bed with me, and then puked ALL over me, her and my freakin bed (including my favorite pillow!!!! DAMMIT!!!)
Now Blake has been doing to the past 3 days... Oh please shoot me now. His was probably the scariest ever because he did it in his sleep and started choking... OMG. Scared the shit out of me.
Please please please, in this upcoming year, grant me less puke. If that is the only thing that goes right for me this year, I will be completely thrilled.
2 weeks ago