I'm Bringing "Sexy Back"

Oh, yes I am. I am SO very proud of myself, and I just felt the need to share a quick update on my ‘journey to whittle down my humongous ass’ with all of you.

I have lost 22 pounds. Since October 22nd. That is 6 weeks. WOOOO HOOOO! That is the size of my one year old niece! OMG!

My goal was originally 40 pounds. At first I looked at the nutritionist and thought, “What the fuck ever lady… Maybe half that…” But what do you know? Now I am feeling that goal is more and more obtainable every day.

I started this diet in a size 14 (read - sometimes a 16) which I was very depressed about. Today I put on a size 10. I’m sorry, maybe you didn’t hear me, I said a FREAKIN’ TEN!!!!!!!! WOW.

Before my diet, there wasn’t a whole lotta sex going on at my house (Well, not the kind with TWO people, just me and B.O.B.). My, my, how things have changed…

For example, this past week I looked like shit, felt like shit, was moping around, not showered, not brushed my teeth, nothing. But Pat kept following me all week. This is how about a dozen conversations went:

Pat: Hey sweetie. How are you feeling? (Attempts to put his hand on my butt, thigh, boobs, or various other naughty places)

Me: I feel like shit. Leave me alone.

Pat: Maybe you just need a shot of penis-cillin (with a big cheesy smile).

Me: Maybe you need a glass of ‘shut the hell up’.

That’s about it. Aren’t we a loving couple?

BUT my point is, after having three kids and gaining… um… a whole shit ton of weight (ok, fine - about 60 pounds) the whole “sexy Angie” took a very looooooong vacation.

I used to wear tiny sexy underwear, stockings, garters, the whole nine yards. Sometimes I even went to the BARE minimum and just went commando! Yeah, I don’t do that shit anymore. I wear GRANNY PANNIES! Oh yes. And I was (until recently) still sporting my maternity undies just because of pure laziness and the lack of desire to go new (read – BIGGER) ones…

But, this morning, as I slipped on my size 10’s, I looked in the full length mirror (the one I usually opt out of in favor for the one that only shows my chest and higher) and I noticed something spectacular… I have a space between my thighs again… HOLY SHIT!!!! I really do! I honestly cannot remember when my thighs did not rub together when I walked. Now, if THAT ain't smexy I don't know what is!!!! LOL

So watch out folks… “It’s called makin’ a COMEBACK!”

Oh, and PS - Quick update from my day from hell. On the way home that night, my daughter pointed out that there was bird poop on her window. Conversation went a little something like this:

Jo: "Mommy, there is bird poop on my window"

Me: "Yes, I know, Josie."

Jo: "There is bird poop on your window too"

Me: "Yes, I know, Josie."

Jo: "Is there poop on Mia's window?"

Me: "Probably..."

Jo: "And on Blake's?"

Me: "Probably..."

Jo: "That bird pooped a lot..."

This is when I realize she must be picturing a HUGE fucking bird, just flying over my car, following me around town, with god awful diarrhea!! :) Kids are so cute...

Oh, and - I FOUND MY GLOVES!!!!!! WHOOOOOOOO!