Saturday, December 6, 2008

I'm Bringing "Sexy Back"

Oh, yes I am. I am SO very proud of myself, and I just felt the need to share a quick update on my ‘journey to whittle down my humongous ass’ with all of you.

I have lost 22 pounds. Since October 22nd. That is 6 weeks. WOOOO HOOOO! That is the size of my one year old niece! OMG!

My goal was originally 40 pounds. At first I looked at the nutritionist and thought, “What the fuck ever lady… Maybe half that…” But what do you know? Now I am feeling that goal is more and more obtainable every day.

I started this diet in a size 14 (read - sometimes a 16) which I was very depressed about. Today I put on a size 10. I’m sorry, maybe you didn’t hear me, I said a FREAKIN’ TEN!!!!!!!! WOW.

Before my diet, there wasn’t a whole lotta sex going on at my house (Well, not the kind with TWO people, just me and B.O.B.). My, my, how things have changed…

For example, this past week I looked like shit, felt like shit, was moping around, not showered, not brushed my teeth, nothing. But Pat kept following me all week. This is how about a dozen conversations went:

Pat: Hey sweetie. How are you feeling? (Attempts to put his hand on my butt, thigh, boobs, or various other naughty places)

Me: I feel like shit. Leave me alone.

Pat: Maybe you just need a shot of penis-cillin (with a big cheesy smile).

Me: Maybe you need a glass of ‘shut the hell up’.

That’s about it. Aren’t we a loving couple?

BUT my point is, after having three kids and gaining… um… a whole shit ton of weight (ok, fine - about 60 pounds) the whole “sexy Angie” took a very looooooong vacation.

I used to wear tiny sexy underwear, stockings, garters, the whole nine yards. Sometimes I even went to the BARE minimum and just went commando! Yeah, I don’t do that shit anymore. I wear GRANNY PANNIES! Oh yes. And I was (until recently) still sporting my maternity undies just because of pure laziness and the lack of desire to go new (read – BIGGER) ones…

But, this morning, as I slipped on my size 10’s, I looked in the full length mirror (the one I usually opt out of in favor for the one that only shows my chest and higher) and I noticed something spectacular… I have a space between my thighs again… HOLY SHIT!!!! I really do! I honestly cannot remember when my thighs did not rub together when I walked. Now, if THAT ain't smexy I don't know what is!!!! LOL

So watch out folks… “It’s called makin’ a COMEBACK!”

Oh, and PS - Quick update from my day from hell. On the way home that night, my daughter pointed out that there was bird poop on her window. Conversation went a little something like this:

Jo: "Mommy, there is bird poop on my window"

Me: "Yes, I know, Josie."

Jo: "There is bird poop on your window too"

Me: "Yes, I know, Josie."

Jo: "Is there poop on Mia's window?"

Me: "Probably..."

Jo: "And on Blake's?"

Me: "Probably..."

Jo: "That bird pooped a lot..."

This is when I realize she must be picturing a HUGE fucking bird, just flying over my car, following me around town, with god awful diarrhea!! :) Kids are so cute...



  1. First...Congrtualtions on your success in your battle with the pounds!!

    Second....I am so glad that you are getting more nookie around the house. I do not care hwat people say, release that sexual tension is always a good thing lol. It makes people less bithcy, plus ITS FUN!

    Three...Jo is just too funny!!...and very observate. I can just picture the conversation you guys had lol.

    Finally, I am so glad you found you fucking gloves!!

    Hee hee

  2. Congrats on the whole dropping of weight, I feel you on that one. And hey more sex is normally a good thing, I mean think of it this way you could always resort to hallway sex. You walk past the other person in the hallway and say "fuck you". :P And there's always a big ass bird somewhere. have a good one.

    Erich (lessonsfromthebar) For some odd reason I can't sign in.

  3. You know i dont know what it is about you but i find it so real & just what a girl needs thx so much for your comment on my blog and you know Im glad your feeling good about yourself and your weight its time for me to come back into my own and get back my sexy to by adding that confidence


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