Breed 'em and Weep

Wow, I thought you were dead?!

2009-05-20T00:21:00.002-05:00

Alrighty, well I’m sure you all thought I had died from excessive hair loss, but I’m still here!

AND – I did go through with it – ALL of it… I now have a hairless “kitty”, along with smooth legs and bare underarms. I think I am appreciating the underarms the most, as that was the one thing that I DID shave everyday, and I HATED it. Plus, I had that 5 o’clock shadow thing going after about 3 hours of shaving them. So to not have to shave under my arms for 3 weeks has been a freakin’ DREAM! If nothing else, I will absolutely be going back for more of that.

It did hurt but not nearly as bad as I thought it would, and the chic who “did me” was way freakin’ cool, so it helped make the whole experience a little less awkward. I have to say the most awkward part was when she had me roll on my side, with one leg bent up toward my chest, and I had to hold my giant butt cheek out of the way so she could “sugar my taint”. Felt like I was showing off my brown eye, which I don’t really think is one of my best features…

Yes, it all hurt very much, but honestly it was a ton easier than trying to do it myself (which I will NEVER ever do again), so I will be heading back to the salon soon. Plus, my hubby REALLY liked my "new haircut", so, I will need to keep it up...

I guess since it was my first time and all, I will need to be re-done after about 4 weeks. Once the hair starts growing in finer and thinner, I should be able to get away with 6-8 weeks, if I refrain from shaving in between (which shouldn’t be a problem, considering my hatred of the blade). So, I will keep you all updated as this progresses, since I know you are all just so DESPERATE to know all the crazy shit I do to my nether regions…

So, now on to another subject for today!

The reason I haven’t been on here much is because this site is porn. Yep, you all heard me right – P O R N. Apparently blogspot has been blocked as an inappropriate website here at work, and it is listed as pornography, which made me laugh my ass off. Well, at first I cussed a lot about not being able to get on here… THEN laughed later…

And so now it is very obvious to everyone that I apparently only blogged while at work… :)

Also, I have realized that I had developed some “bad girl behavior” lately – I have been spending my lunch hours SHOPPING. Ooooooo, shopping for everything. Clothes, shoes, junk at Target, jewelry, crap at the beauty supply store, anything I could think of to kill an hour. So, I decided to get a gym membership, as that would be a MUCH better way to spend my time and money.

Today was my first day at the gym, and I actually enjoyed myself. I did have a little freak out trying to figure out how to get the fucking stupid ass lockers to work (you have to insert your “membership card” into the back of the lock before the key would come out – who’s stupid fucking idea was that??). I was walking through the locker room trying all the other empty locker keys, thinking maybe the locker I had picked was just broken… nope, apparently I’m just stupid. I finally figured it out by opening the locker, craning my neck INTO the locker to follow the very confusing PICTURE instructions on the back. I actually looked at the picture showing you putting a card in the back, and thought to myself “I have to put a fucking CREDIT CARD in there??? I thought these things were FREE!!!”… then it hit me…

M-E-M-B-E-R-S-H-I-P

C-A-R-D…

idiot…

Soooooo, once I figured out the very complicated free locker system, and then spent half and hour watching TV on an exercise bike, I decided that I really liked the club. I think I will enjoy going there a few times a week.

I also got a deal, and got tanning included, so I am trying to figure out how I want to alternate them – can’t do both on the same day, just don’t enough time to screw off THAT much… So I was thinking I might just do tanning on the “T” days (“T” for Tanning, get it? lol) and work out on the rest. Maybe save one day for something totally useless, yet deeply satisfying… like shoe shopping… ahhhh…

Crap! Can’t buy shoes, have to get a pedicure first! Well, damn, looks like I’m going to have to skip the gym tomorrow… sigh…

On a Mission...

2009-04-20T15:53:00.010-05:00

So, to answer a question - Needsleepy, yes I am on a mission to find the perfect body hair removal product/service available for lazy ass people... like ME...

Now, I stated before that I made an appointment with a professional to have them make me sleek, shiny and hairless, and my appointment was supposed to be last week. Well, I talked to another friend who suggested "Body Sugaring" in lieu of waxing. Apparently it is less painful, only removes the hair and any dead skin (as opposed to the whole top layer of skin with waxing), and since it only removes the dead skin, you are able to go over and over the same spot as much as needed to get each and every subborn little hair.

After hearing about this amazing service, I immediately called and cancelled my original appointment and made another one at a different salon to have myself "Sugared". My appointment is on Thursday this week, and I am REALLY looking forward to it!!!!

WARNING: The following paragraphs have to do with girly parts... just letting you know, so you are not shocked or offended... :)

I do have to admit, I did make an ass out of myself when I called though. I asked them about pricing and they told me that legs were X amount, bikini was X amount, and LA bikini was X amount. I asked "well whats the difference between regular bikini and LA"? The woman paused for a second and explained to me in a very kind way that Regular was just the part that would show around the edge of your undergarments and LA would be a complete removal of all hair...

Well, duh, Angie, pull your head out of your ass... what did you think it was?? How many different ways IS THERE to wax a bikini area? Anyways, that brings me to my main concern...

Could I really be capable of letting some strange woman give me a LA bikini "sugaring"?????

Just picturing the scene in my head makes me cringe... I mean, do I really want to sit in a chair with my ankles in the air, letting some lady spread some concoction all over my girly parts, then rip it off "over and over again until she gets every last stubborn little hair"???? I don't know if I am woman enough for that, to be honest.

I went ahead and made the appointment for it, but I might chicken out.

Even though woman don't have the same issues with their "downstairs" as men do (Like, I'm not toooo worried about if another woman's 'giner is bigger than mine....), I PERSONALLY do feel some apprehension about my upcoming appointment... I mean, what if I have a weird looking vagina? I mean, to be honest, I haven't seen THAT MANY vaginas, so I wouldn't really know... I think it is normal, but what if I have an extra lip, or something is in the wrong place???? Or what if ALLL those vaginal child deliveries made it saggy and droopy??

I mean, seriously, I know there are parts of mine that I CAN'T EVEN SEE!! What if I have some weird birthmark in the shape of a dildo or something equally odd and/or embarrassing?

Not to mention the fact that your hair is supposed to be 1/4" long... well I got a ruler out today just to kinda see how long 1/4" really is, and holy crap! My legs, I'm not really sure I'm gonna hit the mark, and sadly, I think I have left the 1/4" goal in the freakin' dust on the Downstairs area. Will she have to get scissors out to trim it up, just to be able to FIND the freakin' thing??? And do I really want a stranger that close to my bits with really sharp scissors????

I usually have that tiny bit of embarrassment when I have a pedicure, especially if I haven't shaved my legs recently (and as we have discussed, that is AN EXCELLENT possibility). Well, this is a little more personal that your feet, you know... I mean, is this chick gonna go run and tell the whole salon that I'm lopsided, or how I was so furry I could have passed for a snow shoe????? Then what happens next time when I go in, will they all laugh me??????

Hmmm.... am I overthinking this?

Anyways, I might chicken out and have her do my underarms instead... we'll see...

My Boy...The Man...

2009-04-16T15:56:00.004-05:00

As most of you know, I have a precious little boy named Blake. I was a little nervous when I found out my third child would be a boy, as I had 2 GIRLS… and I knew what to do with GIRLS – But boys… no freakin’ clue.

I DO have 2 nephews, but they both have special needs, so the things they do are not always what ALL boys would do, so I wasn’t REALLY sure what I was getting into with the “boy” thing. Everyone kept telling me, “Oh boys are WAY easier!”

But based on the majority of men that I know, I always figured that boys would just be more rowdy, break more shit, have more issues with personal hygiene, get in more fights at school, eat more food and leave more messes than girls… generally speaking… And so far, I think I’m right…

Now, my son is PERFECT (of course, right?) and I love love LOVE him, but I swear to you – He was a man from the day he was born.

So, just to prove my point: I am going to list out a description and YOU GUESS – Is the description about my 10 month old SON or my 31 year old HUSBAND…?????

I bet a dollar, whichever one you pick, you will doubt yourself over and over again… you might even flip flop back and forth on your choice, or maybe you won’t even MAKE a choice! That little voice in the back of your head will be whispering “Well, shit my husband is like that”, or “But that one could be a baby boy, too…”

1. He is a night owl.

2. He watches too much TV.

3. He will not get up in the morning when I want him to.

4. He eats his weight in food on a weekly basis.

5. He will pretty much eat anything I cook and will whine if it is not cooked fast enough.

6. Always wants to take a nap at the MOST inopportune time.

7. Gets bored VERY easily.

8. Has the smelliest shit and farts on the planet.

9. He loves his balls and touches them at every opportunity.

10. He is constantly pulling the front of my shirt down so my boobs show, and then laughs about it.

11. All he has to do is flash me that perfect smile and darling dimples and he can get out of any kind of trouble with me… MOST of the time…

12. When I want to give him attention, he could care less, but if I am busy or on the phone HE NEEDS MY ATTENTION IMMEDIATELY!

13. He sticks his fingers in my mouth whenever I yawn without covering my mouth with my hand.

14. Would eat food off of the floor if I would let him.

AND…

15. The bathroom is probably his favorite room in the whole house…

Ok guys, so which is it?????

The Ways of the Woman - Wax On, Wax Off...

2009-04-09T16:55:00.001-05:00

I was never what you would call a “girly girl”. I didn’t do my hair AT ALL (didn’t even dry it most of the time, let alone style or curl it), or pay attention to clothes, jewelry, or any of that crap. Hell, I didn’t even wear mascara or lipstick…I bought my clothes at Wal-Mart and Target, buying whatever was on sale and usually only buying clothes when I HAD to.

Most of my clothes were cheap and poor quality, and I really didn’t give a shit. I had like 2 or 3 pairs of black pants that I wore to work, over and over and over again… and I only wore dresses to weddings (and only then if I was in the freakin’ thing and HAD to wear a dress – otherwise, black pants here I come).

But the past few years have been progressive for me and the last 6 months have really been a turning point...

A few years back, it all started with a slight obsession with shoes and boots; then came the purses… then coats, jackets, scarves, etc. Then I actually bought my first bottle of REAL perfume (which I STILL wear, lol). Before that, I had always just used body spray and that was only IF I remembered.

2 years ago, I think is when took my first big step. I got LASIK eye surgery. OMG no more glasses, messing with contacts, NOTHING!! I have realized that (in retrospect) contacts and glasses were part of the reason I never wore eye make-up. Mascara would always flake and get stuck in my eyes, blah blah blah…

Then about 6 months ago, I bought (off of the internet, of course) the world’s BEST hair straightener and I used it EVERY day since. Got into the habit of allotting myself an extra 30-45 minutes so I could do my hair every morning. Just these 2 things (hair and no glasses) made me feel a lot better about my appearance…

Also about six months ago is when I started my weight loss program. As I slowly started losing weight, I got more and more interested in clothes and accessories, probably because I was finally able to find clothes that I thought ACTUALLY LOOKED GOOD on me… Necklaces no longer made my neck look fat and rings didn’t have rolls of fat on either side of the band!! Holy shit!!!

Then, I started really DOING my makeup (another 10 extra minutes in the morning by the way…). It was then that I realized I have turned into a girly girl… omg, what has the world come to???

So, as I embrace my girly-ness new ideas keep popping into my head every day… Like a couple of weeks ago, I decided that since I use up a lot of my “getting ready time” in the morning for hair, make-up, clothes, accessories, etc., I have been neglecting the CHORE of shaving my legs… /sigh. I fucking HATE shaving my legs.

(I remember when I couldn’t WAIT to start shaving my legs! Now I think of it as another pointless chore, like making the bed. I mean, the bed is just gonna get slept in the same night! What’s the point? Well the leg hair will start growing back immediately and I will need to shave again by tomorrow… see my logic?)

Anyways, the point to the story is I got the bright idea of WAXING my legs… yep…

My thoughts were, “It will take like 30 minutes, but I won’t have to do it again for like a MONTH!!” Sounds like a freakin’ dream, right??? Nooooooo…

I had convinced myself that I could do it. Sure it would hurt, but so did childbirth and I survived that. And it can’t possibly hurt THAT bad, right? Hmmm, wrong again, Angie…silly little bitch...

So one evening, I gathered up all the waxing materials that I would need and headed to the bathroom.

I laid everything out on the counter with the instructions taped FIRMLY to the mirror so I would have my hands free for more important things (like dialing 911). I took the popsicle stick and applied a THIN layer of wax to my left shin. It wasn’t too hot, so it didn’t burn, GOOD START!! I apply the cloth strip to the wax covered area, and rub down several times, like the directions said to.

At this point, I’m thinking “I am following the instructions, this will work out great!!” I counted to 3 then grabbed a hold of the bottom of the cloth strip, preparing to “Remove in the opposite direction of the hair growth”. I suddenly froze. My mind was screaming “What the fuck are you thinking??? We are SO not doing this!!” Well, I sat there gripping the strip for about 10 seconds trying to figure out if abandoning the project was even an option at this point… well no, dumb shit – you already have wax on your leg covered with cloth. What are you going to do, just NEVER pull it off?? So I took a DEEEEEP breath, closed my eyes (yea I really did) and YANKED!

RRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIPPPPPPPP!

Omg, yea girls, it hurts. I was trying to decide if I was going to just shave the rest off, or what, when I looked at the strip. WOW it ACTUALLY worked!! I looked at my leg – AWESOME! Perfect little bare patch was beaming back at me. It had worked! And I was still alive!! I took my finger and rubbed the bare little spot – ooooooo sooooooo soft!!! I could do this – it hurt, sure, but it was bearable! Especially if my legs were going to end up THIS SMOOTH….. ooooooooooo…..

So I was convinced. I grab my popsicle stick, and smear on some more wax, press the cloth down, count to 3 and – FREEZE. Even though my mind was sure about this self-mutilation, apparently my flesh was not cooperating. So again, I spent about 5-10 seconds talking my hand into it – RRRIIIIIIIPPPP! WHOO HOO it worked again!!!!

After about 5 or 6 strips, I think my nerves were just starting to go numb, and I finished up the left leg (well, the knee down, anyways) with no further problems, and even did the other leg!!

O yeah, baby! It is I, the Amazing Angie, the Master Waxer extraordinaire! I AM NOW A REAL WOMAN! Oh yes, I have fought the body hair, and I WON! And no shaving for a month!!!

After several minutes of congratulating myself, and patting myself on the back, I hear a little voice in the back of my mind… I said to myself, “Hey that wasn’t so bad! You know, Angie……… your bikini area could really use some TL-Waxing too…”

Hmmm, that is a very interesting proposition… “You know what, self?? YOU’RE RIGHT! Good looking out, man!!”

………Can you see where this is going?

I propped up my foot on the toilet seat, and CAREFULLY applied wax to the left of my bikini area. I applied the strip… so far so good. And of course, I had to pause and give myself a little pep talk one last time…

YANK!

IT WORKED! WHOOOOOO! It hurt (A LOT – A lot more than the legs, FOR SURE), but it ACTUALLY worked! I was constantly being impressed with this fabulous product called WAX. Wow, amazing stuff! I should buy stock!!

So without further adieu, I slapped on some more wax to the right side, tossed the strip on, and waited for a few seconds.

This is where I ran into a slight problem… apparently yanking on a small cloth strip with your right hand is pretty much impossible when waxing the right side of your bikini area. Hmmm… so I guess we try it Southpaw, right? Let’s DO IT!!!! 1, 2, 3, RIIIIIIP!

O

M

F

G

HOLY FUCKING SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!! IT BURNS, IT BURNS!!! MY HOO-HA IS ON FIRE!!! OMG!!!!!! KILL ME PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEAASE!!!!

After the tears subsided, and the spots dancing across my vision subsided, I looked down to see my newly manicured bush… WTF?

I look at the strip glued to my hand – 16 lonely hairs clung to the sad little strip… Motherfucker. Unfortunately, I lack the dexterity in my left hand required for “Bikini Zone Waxing” and half of the wax and most of the hair is still stuck to my ‘Giner.

Well, shit. I reach down and see if I can pull some of the clumps of wax off with my fingers – little tip for you: DON’T TRY TO PULL OFF CLUMPS OF WAX WITH YOUR FINGERS.

I wildly scan the counter for the little tiny bottle of “Wax Remover” that I had read about in the directions… where the fuck is the fucking bottle???? Is this a fucking joke??

THERE IT IS! On the floor, about 4 feet away! It must have gotten knocked off during one of my hysterics…

I immediately dive for the bottle of sweet sweet oil, when I feel my private areas PULL.

Oh shit. In my haste I had forgotten a very important detail – there was still wax on the right side of my ‘giner. So, my leg and my hoo-ha were now stuck – together. Fuuuuuuuuuck.

I grab the little bottle and start dumping it on. I rubbed and rubbed, working it in between my leg and my girly parts, crying the whole time, tears dripping all over the place... “Please, oh please work, I promise I will never be this fucking stupid again, just please let this work!!”

After about 4 hours (ok, at least 5 minutes) of rubbing, the wax finally started to come off. Underneath the mound of wax and matted hair, I now see a HUGE bruise that looks VERY MUCH like a gigantic hickey. Perfect! Now, how in the fuck am I going to explain THAT to my husband??? “I swear honey, it was from waxing my legs…” Uh huh…fucking wax.

I never did get the right side done. I have decided that home waxing is the stupidest fucking idea EVER.

But considering that I still hate shaving, I made an appointment for next week to go to a “professional” (professional waxer, not like a hooker or anything…). I’ll let you know how it goes…wish me luck!!

That bitch better know what she is doing… I’m debating on taking a pain pill before I go…

Where the @#$% You Been???!?!

2009-03-31T10:55:00.011-05:00

Well, people, let me tell ya - 'Real Life' came along and just knocked my dick in the dirt (so to speak). I have been running around like a crazed woman, putting out fires, taking care of business, making plans for Big Daddy's layoff, following kiddies around with a puke bucket, and working my ass off, the whole time watching my back to make sure I don't get a shank stuck in my spine again.

Yep, had some problems at work, some bitches threw me under the bus. There should be a limit on how many women are allowed to work in one office space. And I think that limit should be ONE. I freakin' HATE HATE HATE working with women!!!! Women are catty, ruthless, hateful, vidictive little bitches in the workplace (well, and everywhere else to, but that doesn't bother me as much)... But, after several weeks, things are finally turning around and should start going better ( /crosses fingers, toes, eyes, etc.). Hopefully all my bullshit apologies and ass kissing will pay off.

Since it has been so long since my last post, I will not bore you all with a "play by play" of what's been going on, on my side of the fence. But I will give you a "Highlights and Low-lights" of the past few weeks, and hopefully that will be sufiencient.

Start at the bottom, and work your way up, so here are:

'The Low-lights'...( /blows raspberry "Booooo!")

1. Work sucks. Stupid people with stupid problems and people who can't mind their own fucking business make my weekdays miserable.

2. Pat is getting laid off, as of... well, as of 3:00 this afternoon...

3. All the kids have sick CONSTANTLY. Everything from sore throats, coughs, the flu, sinus congestion, and all that shit, we have had it all. I am SO very tired of cleaning up puke...

4. Blake is still on "2nd Shift" schedule for sleeping and I am up until about 1 am every night with him, and getting up at 6 am for work. No rest for the wicked, I guess...

5. Made the idiotic mistake of trying to wax my legs and bikini area... OMFG that is a WHOLE other blog... ( /slaps forhead - "stupid, stupid, stupid!")

6. I ran out of vodka... twice... (SHAME!)

THE HIGHLIGHTS!

1. I paid off my car. Woot!

2. I met my weight loss goal, and even passed it by 4 pounds. I lost a grand total of 44 pounds since October, and yesterday bought my first pair of size 6 pants in 7 years!

3. Probably as a direct result from number 2, I have been having a lot of sex! /claps excitedly

4. I got married! (Kinda...) Had to sign a "Common Law Affidavit" so I could put Pat on my health insurance at work. So, now - according to the state of Kansas - we are married. Awwwwww, how romantic...

5. Wrote (what ended up being a very popular and highly forwarded) an email to a company that works with special needs children (including my nephews and niece) here in town. From that email, my sister and I were invited to an Advocate's in the Community Luncheon. From the luncheon, we have gotten involved in the proposed bill to remove the waiting period for the KS Autism Waiver. I got a lot of comments and recognition for the email that I wrote, and it really made me feel good about myself, and I was pleased that so many were touched by it.

6. Bought more vodka!!! TWICE!!!! :)

So.... there you go. I've had a lot going on, and I'm sorry to everyone for not being able to write on here, or visit other blogs. I am trying to get back on more often, so don't give up on me!

Playing "Ketchup" - Award Ceremony for Yours Truly... Only about 2 weeks late...

2009-03-02T13:27:00.011-06:00

OK - Sorry I'm a big ol' loser, and I am JUST getting around to posting these, but I have been given some fantastic awards lately and they need to be recognized!

First, we have a homemade award from Needsleepy! This one was a big surprise and I have to admit, I got a tiny little swell of pride when I saw this on there... I have even included HER NOTE that she put about me on her page!! :)

DIRECT QUOTE FROM NEEDSLEEPY:

"This one I HAVE to give to Super Mom over @ Breed 'em and Weep. Whether she is having a shitty day or a fabulous day...her stories just draw you in. I read her posts everyday! I love following stories with her hilarious children and of course her special man in her life. Sometimes she just writes about weird and off the wall stuff that comes out of nowhere, it's GREAT! Again, if you have not taken the time to read this one....you should! Thanks for keeping my day entertaining....always!"

Awwww, thank you dahling!!! Love you, love you, love you!!!

Next is from a fantastic woman, one of the most inspiring women I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. It is from my mommy, WalkingInADream. Isn't that sweet?

But really, my mother has taught me so much about how to be your own person, how to be strong, decide what you believe and stick to it, and how to endure anything life might throw at you. She has also shown me that I can do ANYTHING and to never let myself or anyone else's opinion of me get in the way of what I really want out of life.

I hope I can lead by example and teach my children these same values. I love you mom.

And finally, I have also been given the Mom of the Year award!!! Holy shit, does ANYONE actually READ my blog???? lol But, I will go ahead and graciously accept this award on behalf of my 3 little angels. :) Oddly, they often look a lot like the little girl in the picture... "MOMMY SAID NO!"

This one comes with rules...

1) Admit that ONE thing you feel awful about involving being a mom. Get it off your shoulders. Once you've written it down, you are NO LONGER allowed to feel bad. It's over with, it's in the past. Remember, you're a good mom!

2)To remind yourself that you ARE a good mom, list SEVEN things you love about your kids, you love doing with your kids, or that your kids love about you. These are the things to remind yourself of EVERY DAY that you rock!

3)Send this to FIVE other Moms of the Year that deserve forgiveness and a reminder that they, too, are the best moms they can be!!! Remember to send them a note to let them know you've selected them, and add a link to the person who nominated you!

So, number one...

I feel horrible that I let my kids watch WAY too much TV. I have so much crap to do in the evenings, and that is what they always want to do - it just seems easier than having to fight with them about it....

Josie told me over the weekend, while she was watching me hang up her clothes, that I needed to get a "Wonder Hanger" and proceeded to tell me all of the fantastic attributes of this wonderful product that she saw on TV. She also informed me of what all you got on your order, how much it is, and if I ordered now I would get 2 stick up lights to use in closets, etc... I am SO very thankful that we were at home and not out in public somewhere... or else I would have had to pretend that she was practicing her lines for her lead role in the school play titled "I have a Lousy Mom who lets me watch too much TV while she is cooking dinner, doing dishes and taking care of my baby brother, so I have seen infomercials so many times I have them memorized"... She also told my sister all about "Bend-a-roos" while on the way to her birthday party... I was humiliated...

Number two - Seven things that I love about my kids:

1. I love all their different personalities. They are all so different, and each one is so very unique. I love that Josie is so friendly, that Mia is so rambunctious, and that Blake is so "Chill out and Relax". I hope they all keep their individuality as they get older.

2. I love it when Josie is leaving for school and Mia runs up to give her a hug and a kiss goodbye. They hug, and kiss then tell each other they love each other and Josie says she will see Mia when she gets to Gramma's later... Then Mia stands at the door watching Josie walk out to the car, saying "Bye Bye Dosie!!!" and blowing kisses.

3. I love it when Mia says Please, Thank you and You're Welcome... particulary when she actually supposed to! Nothing cuter when you say "Mia, can you put that in the trash?" She says "OK!" You say "Thanks, hon." She says "You're Welcome Mommy!" Awww.... or the little "Tank You!" when you give her some juice or a cracker... awww....

4. I love hearing "I Love You, Mommy". Nothing in the world can top that. Ever.

5. I love Blake's smile. The girls are darling and have the sweetest smiles and laughs, but for some reason little Blake's smile just melts my heart. Probably because he seems to know exactly when you REALLY NEED that smile. You can be running around like crazy, make him sit in his chair for 30 minutes while rushing around doing a million other things. You know he should be totally fucking pissed at you, but the second you turn to him, he shoots you the most heart warming smile. Its like he's saying, "Hey no sweat mom. It's cool. I know you are busy, but I still love ya". Well, at least that is what I am pretending he is saying in my head... I'm sure he probably just has gas...

6. I love when the girls are playing in their room together. I remember playing with my sister when I was little, playing together... squealing and laughing, running, jumping, giggling, all that... the most wonderful background noise ever. Until something crashes...

7. I love that my kids are well behaved in public. They can be rotten to the core at home, but in public they are USUALLY sweet as pie. Everyone always compliments me on well behaved my kids are and what little angels they are... Thank gawd they don't see us at home or I would be getting weekly visits from whomever it is that visits you when your kids are BAD...not Santa Claus, the other one....

And number three.....

Every mommy deserves this award!! Take it and run, ladies!

Geez....

2009-02-26T11:08:00.004-06:00

Ok, I know it has been a while since I put up a new blog, and although this TECHNICALLY counts as a new blog, it's really not...

This is just an apology and begging you all not to forget about me.

My stupid ol' REAL LIFE is constantly getting in the way of my virtual one!!! I am super stressed at work, things are crazy at home, kids have been sick, have a birthday party to host on Saturday, and blah blah blah... geez, I'm even boring the shit out of myself with this post.

Ok, I'll try to get on here tonight (yea right, Angie... WTF EVER!) or tomorrow and play a little catch up with blogspot life.

xoxo

"S" is for...SUPER MOM!

2009-02-16T15:53:00.005-06:00

Sooooo, J.J. in L.A. was playing the Alphabet Game on her blog last week, and asked for volunteers to play along. Well, you know me, I am always up for some game-playing, so I said "Sure! Why not?"

She assigned me the letter "S". I am supposed to list 10 things that start with "S" that I like...About 5 minutes after getting my assignment, I decided that JJ must REALLY like me, as she has given me the easiest freakin' letter in the alphabet. Within 5 minutes I had the required 10 and still had "S"s popping to mind...

SO - being the overachiever that I am, I have decided not to share TEN things with you, but I'm going to really challenge myself, and double it... that's right folks! TWENTY big ones, comin' atcha! Oh, and I tried to limit the food references... they seemed like a cop out considering half the foods on the planet start with S. I mean, there is seafood, swiss cake rolls, sugar cookies, sour cream and chive dip, Skittles, Sweet and Sour Chicken, Spaghetti, Spaghetti O's and meatballs, etc., etc.

So, without further adieu, here we gooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.....

1. Sleep

I love to sleep. I don’t GET to sleep much, but there is nothing better than going to bed and not waking up until YOU DECIDE to wake up!!! I usually get up because of an alarm, a baby crying, TV blaring, kids fighting or a large crash… all of which immediately put me in a shitty mood for the day. I think if I was allowed to, I could sleep for an entire 24 hour period without even having to wake up for a pee break… ahhhhh sleep, how I miss you, you elusive little…

2. Sex, Sex, and More Sex

Well, DUH. OF COURSE this would be on my list – I have 3 freakin’ kids!!! It is a little obvious that this would be a favorite past time… But again, just because I LIKE to, doesn’t mean I GET to. I have an exceptionally high sex drive, which few men have ever been able to keep up with. I frequently feel like the “the man” in the relationship, constantly badgering my partner for a little “roll in da hay”. At the beginning of our relationship, Pat could “keep up”. Then, after a year or two, it plummeted to a “Stock Market-like” low. But over the past few months, probably due to closing down the baby making factory, I am (FOR THE FIRST TIME) having a difficult time keeping up with HIM!!! Omg, it must be payback for making me giving birth over and over again… I would have had them all sooner if I knew THIS would happen! WHOOOO! Now the only problem is finding time away from kiddos so we can “do it”… I think I need a tree house… or a garage…

3. Sin City

Oh, Sin City, how I miss you. I know a lot of people say that Vegas is too loud, too gaudy, too smoky, etc. Well those are all the things that I LOVE about it!! I would go there at least once a year if I could… I think one of the biggest attractions for me (besides gambling /slaps hand) is the fact that there is ALWAYS something new to go check out. And the fact that you can walk down the street, in and out of casino after casino, while holding a foot tall margarita and chain smoking as you check out “all the new stuff” makes Sin City my #1 vacation spots in the continental US.

4. Slow dancing

Awwww, slow dances… I love holding someone close, swaying back and forth to the music, laying your head on the man’s shoulder, breathing in his cologne… Ahhh. Now, as much as I love this, Pat and I have only slow danced MAYBE 3 times. Ever. Now, it’s not because he refuses to dance with me or just plain hates it or anything like that – it’s because he is SERIOUSLY 13 ½ INCHES TALLER THAN ME. Yea, really. Over a foot taller, which makes slow dancing a little awkward… Strangely enough, it doesn’t make the above number 2 difficult at all… I guess we will just have to stick to that instead of slow dancing… sigh, I guess I’ll just take one for the team… :)

5. Sundays

Oh, I love me some Sunday afternoons. Usually Saturday is the day that I clean house, start laundry, do grocery shopping, all that other bullshit. Saturdays are pretty much a work day, so they pretty much just suck. BUT Sundays… that is my “F” off day. I sit around on my ass watching TV, talk on the phone, playing a video game or going out with the family. And now, you can even buy booze on Sundays, which makes it even better. LoL. Best day of the week, in my opinion.

6. Spa days

Omg, a day at the spa… where else can you go and walk around in a robe, get a facial, a full body massage, manicure, pedicure, your hair washed, cut and styled AND they serve you lunch?? I think they have said that heaven is like that, but it’s a little harder to get in to…

7. Slippers

Wow, I love slippers. I wear them ALL the time!! Well, not to work, but… I am one of those tacky people that go to the grocery store, gas station, the bank, where ever, in my slippers. I make sure to buy the kind that has rubber soles so they don’t get messed up on my trip around town… I DO leave the robe and hair curlers at home, as I do not want to be THAT tacky!! But I’m still young, so that might change in the next few decades… I’ll keep ya posted…

8. Subway Sandwiches

For those that have no idea what Subway is (is there anyone still living under a rock or in the Soviet Union, maybe?), Subway is the best damn sandwich shop EVER. I always “liked” it, but during my pregnancies I really began to appreciate it to its full extent. I ate this SO often, that the employees all knew what I wanted as soon as I walked in. Not only that, but they even knew my due date, the sex of the baby and any names I had picked out…

My favorite sandwich, you might ask? “Foot long on white, ham and cheese (American cheese, please), double meat, double cheese, with EXTRA mayo”. They have the BEST freakin’ mayo on the planet… I know it’s gross, but I can’t help myself. If the sight of someone eating a sandwich with mayo dripping out one end (and then that person licking it off and going “mmmmmmmmmmm”) grosses you out – you might not want to take me to lunch at Subway…

9. Singing in the car

Out of my MANY talents, I would have to say my ability to take a perfectly good song and butcher the hell out of it in my car is probably my most proficient. I have been perfecting this art for over a decade and I really think if there was a competition for this, I would win, hands down. I sing off key, too loudly, and usually don’t REALLY know all the words… not the right words, anyways…

10. Smoking

I love to smoke. I have smoked for 16 years (with the exception of pregnancies and/or breastfeeding times) and I have no intention of quitting. I do not smoke in the house, or around my children. Back when there was “smoking sections” in restaurants, I never sat in them if I had my children with me. I love to smoke when I drive, when I have a drink, or while I am waiting for my food and/or after eating. Dining alone on my lunch hours, I usually pick somewhere that still allows smoking, which usually turns out to be a Bar and Grill. Unfortunately, since they enacted the no smoking city ordinance, there are several places I used to frequent on lunch hours that I no longer go to because you can’t smoke there. I will go there for dinner, but on my lunch I want to smoke, since I can’t smoke at my desk at work… they tend to frown on that…

11. Swearing

Holy shit, I can’t help my fucking swearing. I make a VERY strong effort to not swear around my kids, but it doesn’t always work. I NEVER swear AT them, but I have done it around them which is apparent by my oldest daughter reminding me that I “Shouldn’t say that word, it’s a bad word, mommy” at least once a day. Then I’m like “Oh, shit honey, I’m sorry”. Actually she is a big help – otherwise Mia’s already crazy-ass behavior would become “social services worthy” if she started popping off with “Oh shit! Dammit!!” when she spills her juice, or “Kiss my ass, ma!” when I tell her to pick up her toys…

12. Sal’s

Sal’s is a Japanese steakhouse that cooks their food hibachi style, right at the table. The give you a ton of food, the food is fantastic, the cooks are hilarious, and they have a HUGE drink called a Volcano. It is “supposed” to be enough for two people, and comes with a fire in the middle of it. WOO HOO! They are also the only place in town that I have found plum wine, which is soooooo good – the only way to make it better would be if they would give you your wine in a “big girl” glass instead of the little baby one that it comes in…

13. Sisters

I am so very glad that I have two girls, because they each have a sister now. My sister is one of the most important people in my life and I would be lost (and probably pretty bored) without her! I think it is just so cute when Josie is getting ready to leave for school and her sister comes barreling down the stairs to give her a kiss and hug good-bye; Or at night, when they go to bed, and they INSIST on sleeping in the same bed, snuggling down into the covers giggling and laughing together. I hope they grow up to be as close as my sister and I are. Keep your fingers crossed!!!

14. Sleeping in the nude

Wearing clothes to bed bothers me. I get too hot and sweaty, and my pants always get twisted around my waist or around my legs. My underwear crawls up my butt and my shirt gets jammed into my armpits. Being naked just eliminates all the irritants and allows me to actually STAY asleep through the night. And makes number one and two easier to accomplish on my tight schedule...

15. Sexy lingerie

I don’t know what it is about lingerie, but I actually wear it for MYSELF more often than for someone else. Maybe it’s because regardless of my weight, clothes or my haircut, if I wear a sexy pair of panties and matching bra, I FEEL sexy for the whole day…

16. Soda

I’m a soda drinker. I love soda, Mountain Dew in particular. I used to drink 9-10 cans of Dew a day, from the moment I woke up until right before bedtime. Since I went on my diet, my doctor told me I was no longer allowed to drink regular soda, and I almost cried. I have adapted to this new requirement as best I can, but every time I go to the vending machine for a Diet Dr. Pepper, I can’t help but stare at the Mt. Dew button, while my mind tries to convince my button pushing finger that “just one would be ok”. I am proud (and depressed) to say that I have been able to talk myself out of it each time, and continue to push the DDP one… /sob

17. Silence

I LIKE IT QUIET. You will probably NEVER hear me say “I just need some background noise”. Fuck background noise. If there is ever a time where I am at home with no children and no man, I can guarantee that the TV will be off, the radio will be off, and I will be quieting enjoying a good book, a hot bath or a much needed nap. Also, I rarely drive with the radio on, unless someone else is in the car with me. I am fine with driving in silence…

Pat has a horrible habit of turning on EVERYTHING in the house that makes noise, in every room. Go into the kitchen – radio is blaring. Go to the bathroom – radio is going in there too. Living room – TV on, and turned up WAY to loud. Bedroom – TV and/or radio is a must, and if he magically goes to bed before me I always have to brace myself for the inevitable 3 seconds after I flip the TV off - “What are you doing??? I was listening to that!!”

18. Seeley Booth

Oooooo, Seeley Booth. For those of you who do NOT know who this is, this is the FBI agent on the TV show "Bones". He is shhhhh-moking hot, super sexy and a good guy to boot! He is the classic Knight in Shining Armor that your mommy told you stories about when you were little. I think the most attractive thing about him is the fact that despite all the wonderful, noble things he does, he RARELY takes credit for, or brags on his self about. He is a Genuine Nice Guy, and a caring and loving father… and, yes I KNOW he is a fictional character. He would have to be, because no man on the planet is ACTUALLY like this… dammit…

19. Suede

Oh, luxurious suede – I have suede coats, suede boots, suede gloves… I love the look, the feel, the smell of suede. It just hugs you and caresses your skin, and makes you feel a little more important than you know you actually are…

20. Smiles

I love smiles. Especially baby smiles. Those just warm me right down to my toes!! Everyone needs to feel special, appreciated, and noticed. A smile accomplishes ALL of that! If anyone on here tries to tell me that a baby smiling at you doesn't make you grin, you are full of shit.

One of the coolest thing about a smile is when you give one away, you almost ALWAYS get one back. Try in line at the grocery store tonight! I bet you a dollar it will work! (Be sure it is a genuine one though... doesn't usually work with those fake, shit eating smiles...)

Well, there you go! My "S"s!

Now, to be honest, I could keep going... there is all kinds of shit that I could put on here, but frankly I'm running out of time, and my head is starting to hurt a little... :)

If you would like to play along, just let me know, and I will give YOU a letter too!!! Come on, you know you want to!!!

Don't F%@! With a Winner

2009-02-10T15:26:00.011-06:00

Oh, yes, my good friends... I'm a winner. I have - AGAIN - been given the prestigious honor of being selected as a half assed good blogger!! WOO! If my mother could see me now, she would be soooo proud! lol

I have been given 2 (COUNT 'EM - T W O!) more awards!!! Let's check them out, shall we??

So, my wonderful sister and lifelong friend, Needsleepy, has nominated me for the Sisterhood Award!!!!! This award is given to those blogs which show great Attitude and/or Gratitude. Thanks sweetie!!! I love it!! It is sooooooo very purty!!!!!

(Although.... I regretfully suspect I won this by default, because of the name "Sisterhood Award"... I just don't know if many would agree that I possess or project onto this blog "Great Attitude OR Gratitude"...but hell, I'll take it! I LOOOOOVE winning shit!!!)

This is very sweet, Shell. Thank you very much. :) Love you!!!

Now, I do have to lay down "The Rules"... they are:

1. Put the logo on your blog or post. (Done! - Damn I'm an overacheiver...)
2. Nominate 10 blogs which show great Attitude and/or Gratitude(If you don't have 10, its ok.) (I will not have 10, but I know it will be ok...)
3. Be sure to link to your nominees within your post. (See below, por favor)
4. Let them know they have received this award by commenting on their blog. (I will definitely do this!! If I remember...)
5. Share the love and link to this post and to the person from whom you received your award. (I did THIS already too!!! See above...)

Ok, my nominations goooo toooooo:

Whiney Momma - She is a very dedicated blogger! She is my "Always has a new post to read" gal and I love ya for it :)
Brittany (The Greer 5) - Her most recent post inspired the hell outta me lol :)
J.J. in L.A. (The World According to JJ in LA) - Now, this woman could very well be the most deserving of this award. Her entire outlook on life is amazing, and I can only hope that one day I could learn to adopt her attitude...she truly has a great one, and that is what this award is really about.
Mommy Chrissie (Mommies Keeping it Real) - Such a very cool lady. As hard as most moms think they have it, she has a little extra obstacle to overcome, but makes it look effortless. :)
And how can you pass up a little lady that loves playing with her son AND can never say no to a little "Bones".... Kendrasue!! (Life in the Slow Lane)

Anyways, there you have it! My 5 (we will just go ahead and call it 10, just for argument's sake), be sure to check them out whenever you have a few extra minutes! Good reads, all of them! :)

Ok, Second we have the - well, I'm not really sure WHAT the name of it is, but it's fucking fabulous, regardless...

So, now I have to share 10 facts about myself, and provide a meaningful quotation. Finally, I have to list 5 people who I believe deserve this award.

So, 10 facts about me... where to begin? I have told SO MANY facts about myself in the past few months, I'm trying to figure out if there are any FACTS LEFT TO TELL?!!!! LOL

1. My favorite things to shop for are shoes and purses... why, you ask? Because I've NEVER said or HEARD anyone say "Does this purse/shoe make my ass look big?" You know WHY I've never heard it? Because purses and shoes don't MAKE your ass look big... That's why I like to shop for them :)

2. I love to talk on the phone. All the time. To anyone. About anything. Or about nothing. Give me a call, we'll chat. :)

3. When I was a teenager I used to eat Doritos dipped in cottage cheese, and I LOVED it. Still Do.

4. I type much faster on an ergonomically correct keyboard. But I am too cheap to buy one for my computer at home, so I just chicken peck at the crappy one I have at home, cussing at it and wishing I was at my desk at work with my perfect EC keyboard... I have even thought about stealing it from work, but I worry that they wouldn't buy me a new one, then I would REALLY be screwed...

5. I do not know how to burn a DVD, and I am afraid I will never learn, because I will never ask to be taught because I feel stupid for not knowing.

6. I was a huge geek/nerd/reject in school. I have really grown up, found myself, and have really become a people person (I think, anyways...). I even think I'm kind of cool now... but everytime I run into an old classmate, I feel like a reject again...

7. I was 9 lbs 1 oz at birth. BOOOOOOOOOORN fat and just grew bigger. lol

8. I always wanted to be a rockstar. I can't sing for shit, and I know it, but I used to have dreams in grade school about singing concerts on the playground. The closest I ever got was singing Karaoke shit-faced drunk in a local bar... and doing it badly, I might add... I think I might actually have a little resentment toward my ex about the rockstar thing, because he actually had talent to do it, but lacked the drive... seemed like such a waste of talent to me.

9. I think feet are the ugliest part of the body - especially MINE. If I had the means to do it, I would try and have plastic surgery on my feet to make them more attractive... first thing - I would have my big toes "thinned".... they are freakshow fat. I have never understood feet fetishes and I never will.

10. I don't really like my new haircut... I wish I had not gotten layers. You would think after this many years, I would have learned by now... dammit...

And my meaningful quote is:

"If you do what you have always done, you will get what you have always gotten." - Bunker Hunt

For some reason, this quote really hits home with me. I actually have it as my screensaver at work, so I never forget - sometimes, things HAVE to change...

And for 5 people that deserve this blog? Well shit, I think we all deserve it. I know it sounds like a cop-out and I just don't want to list 5 people in particular, but that's not really true. I could list 5 people that really do deserve it, but then there would be a whole slew of bloggers who deserve it too, but didn't get "picked". And I think that is kinda shitty.

We all pour our souls into the vast emptiness of the internet on a daily basis. Sometimes just to vent, sometimes to celebrate, sometimes to get help. Sometimes we even write things that we would NEVER say out loud to a real person, because deep down we are all afraid of judgement.

We put our selves out there for the world to see, and just HOPE that there might be someone else out there that feels the same way, someone that you can relate to...

I personally think that anyone who takes time to write a blog (a real blog, mind you, not a web page full of pictures of boobs and the margins full of dick and fart jokes...) deserves to be recognized.

So I present this award to YOU. Every one of my readers, public and anonymous. (All THREE of you!!! LOL)

Everyone should feel the excitement of getting noticed, even if it is something as "insignificant" as a blog award. It's not the Noble Peace Prize or even first place in a wet T-Shirt contest, but damn it, I have to admit, it sure felt good to log in here and see that someone else had given me an award! It was fantastic, and I want everyone to feel that way too. :)

So:

Needsleepy, Momma Young, Mommy Chrissie, Merynne, Ambersmilez, Christine, Upkaran Gupta, Holly, Vodka Mom, Tom G, avm0525, Lisa, Chichiluv2, Twisted Lisa, Chasing Cars, WalkinginaDream, Sissi, No Sex in the City, and Kendrasue - Congratulations! You are ALL big winners... and you don't fuck with a winner, right??? :)

Please take it and post it, list your facts, and your quote and pass it on to another blogger who you feel would like being recognized.

(Whoops, sorry about my touchy feely rant... my soul was showing... I'll try not to let it happen again... :)

Clapping for Poop

2009-02-03T09:38:00.004-06:00

I had decided that I was going to start working on potty training for Mia over the past month or so and it was not going well.

I read info on the internet, in books, etc, trying to decide the best way to go about it. I felt bad because she is two and still in diapers... and I thought back to Josie when she was that age. Josie was always very advanced at most things (walking, talking, colors, numbers, letters, all that) and I remember her being in pullups at two... BUT she wasn't actully potty trained until she was three.

I remember speaking to Josie's daycare provider when she was three, asking for their help in potty training her while she was there. I remember being embarassed that she was 3 and not potty trained yet.

Then they told me that three is actually about the right age for it...any time before that, you are really just training the parents to take the kid to the bathroom every 30 minutes to an hour, "in case" they need to go... that is not really THE CHILD deciding they need to go to the bathroom, that's the mommy guessing they MIGHT... At three, they have a better understanding of the process and can be potty trained in a matter of days. I was skeptical, but I decided to try it.

The first day, I sent her to daycare in big girl panties (and a few extra pairs of pants and stuff). She had an accident that day, but only once. The next day, big girl panties again and NO ACCIDENTS! It took less than a week for her to be accident free all day, and only one accident at night before she was accident free at night. (And, fyi, I also found out that she was one of the first ones in her daycare class to really be truly potty trained, so I didn't feel so bad in the end. And I guess girls catch onto the potty training thing faster than boys...)

SO ANYWAYS, remembering that, I decided that for now, I would just work on getting Mia to tell me "as soon as she goes to the bathroom", and then we will work up to the "telling me BEFORE she goes" part...

This has been hard, but I think she is finally getting the idea. She used to go "Number Two" and just keep it to herself. Just sit around and marinate in it until someone noticed that she stunk to high heaven...

Now, she comes and tells me "Mommy I poop"... and I clap!! "Yea for Mia! Thank you for telling me!!! You are such a good girl!!!" :) She grins, SO very proud of herself, and claps for herself too.

(I really think that she will be able to start telling me a little ahead of time within the next couple of months. I will just let her do it on her own time table instead of trying to push her...)

But now, it has become such a habit, that I caught myself clapping for Blake over the weekend, and I even clapped for Josie last night... /sigh... "Good job, kids! Show that poop who's boss!" "That's right, you wipe your butt and flush TOO!! That's my girl!"

I've reached a new low - I clap and cheer for poop. I swear I used to be cool....

OMG! PLEASE HELP ME!!!

2009-01-28T15:34:00.006-06:00

Ok, now that I have your attention... I need help. (In more ways than I can count, but this time it is for a particular problem...)

I received a mp3 player for my birthday (a week late, but at least it showed up at all) from Patrick. I abosolutely LOVE it! I painstakingly downloaded about 300+ songs in a week, listened to it while cleaning, while at work, while at the store shopping, on the computer, everywhere!!

Until... it broke.

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

Yep. Freakin' thing won't even turn on now... how come it is always MY SHIT breaks???? Why not something of Pat's? EVER?

Always mine... /sob /cry /sob

Anyways, my darling man went ahead and had the company send a new one out, and I am sending the broken one back. Great. But now, I will be getting a blank mp3 player back. Now, I am really bad at music, song names, artists, album names, etc. Someone can say "Hey do you like that song Something or other? And I can say "Never heard of it..." or "Hey did you here the new Whoever's song?" And I can say "who?"... get the picture? I was going through folder after folder of music that Pat had already downloaded on his pc (literally 1000+ songs) and I picked about 120 of them... And I wasn't sure about half of them because Pat suggested them and I didn't know the songs by titles...

Then I went to my sister's house, and dug through another 10,000 songs, picking about 150 or so... not sure about half of them because my sister suggested them and I didn't know the songs by titles... see a pattern here?

While I was listening to them, I noticed that I skipped about 2/3 of the songs that came on... usually the ones I picked myself, so apparently I have no taste.

THIS IS WHERE YOU COME IN.

Since apparently I only like songs that other people suggest, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE suggest some of your favorite songs for me!!!

I like a little bit of everything. Even a little rap and a little country, but I prefer rock, alternative, pop, R&B, oldies, dance (NOT techno, Shelly), and just plain fun songs that you can sing to. I like new stuff, old stuff, 70's, 80's, 90's, whatever... I think I do anyways...

PLEASE HELP ME!!!! I don't care if it is ONE SONG or 100 SONGS! I need help! Please! I'm musically challenged!!!! TELL ME WHAT TO DOWNLOAD! I have 4G of music that I can put on this thing, and I can only think of MAYBE a dozen songs... geez I'm such a loser... (Makes "L" shape with thumb and forefinger, and puts it in front of forehead)

PS - Come on, this could actually be kinda fun! :) Play along!! It's for a good cause! lol

Thank you for your time, you may now return to your regularly scheduled blog readings... :)

Plagerism at it's Best

2009-01-23T15:48:00.005-06:00

Got a fantastic email earlier this week... I figured since I am brain dead (from no sleep, constant overload at work, and just general stress of 2 sick kids, deadlines, finances, and all the other shitty things that have berated me over the past week) I thought I would cheat, and post it today instead. I have added some of my own notes on a few of the subjects (my comments in blue), as well as added a couple of my OWN thoughts to the end, but I promise a completely original piece of work is on its way... later this week... ENJOY! :)

THE SPOILED UNDER-30 CROWD!!! (Now, I know I AM under Thirty, but juuuuust barely. Plus, I FEEL a hell of a lot older, so I am considering myself part of the "Over Thirty" Crowd...)

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were when they were growing up; what with walking Twenty-five miles to school every morning. Uphill...barefoot...BOTH ways...Yadda, yadda, yadda

And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, There was no way in hell I was going to lay A bunch of crap like that on kids about how hard I had it And how easy they've got it!

But now that... I'm over the ripe old age of Thirty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today.You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia!And I hate to say it but you kids today you don't know how good you've got it!

I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have The Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalogue!! (I remember in Middle School one of my girlfriend's got the Internet. Good Ol' "DIAL UP" of course. We would sit anxiously for 30-45 minutes, sometimes longer, just to get on a chat page and talk to total strangers. And I also remember that when I was a kid, my parents actually had a FULL SET of Encyclopedia Brittanica's... Does ANYONE have those anymore?)

There was no email!! We had to actually write somebody a letter, with a pen! Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox and it would take like a week to get there! (Who had a pen pal growing up? /raises hand... Anyone who didn't - probably under 30)

There were no MP3' s or Napsters! (Just got my first EVER mp3 player about a week ago... /sigh, I'm such a loser...) You wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the damn record store and shoplift it yourself! (did this a bunch...) Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio and the DJ'd usually talk over the beginning and fucked it all up! (I taped SO MUCH shit off of the radio... my sister and I both had tons of "homemade complilation" tapes...and they all sucked and had every DJ from KKRD on them. Some of them even had US on them, because eventually you would tired of waiting for the song you want, and would break down and CALL the station to request it.)

We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called they got a busy signal, that's it! (beeep, beeep, beeep... = most annoying sound on Earth.)

And we didn't have fancy Caller ID either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your mom, your boss, your Bookie, your drug dealer, a collections agent, you just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister! (I remember when we GOT caller ID. That was the coooooolest thing EVER. You could SEE WHO WAS CALLING!!! OMG!!! And if you were too "loser" to get caller ID, you got the next best thing...*69!! How freakin' cool was that, guys? Someone calls you, and you can CALL THEM RIGHT BACK! Bye bye crank callers... /sad face)

We didn't have any fancy Sony Playstation video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari! (And the original Nintendo.) We had games like 'Space Invaders' and 'asteroids'. Your guy was a little square! You actually had to use your Imagination!! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen - Forever! And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE! (I remember thinking Pong and Joust were freakin' awesome...THEN came the original Zelda and blew them ALL out of the fuckin' water!!!)

You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your ass and walk over to the TV to change the Channel. (Now, we DID have a remote, but it was one of those huge silver ones. And eventually it would get covered in sticky black stuff [aka dirty from your hands] and you spent half the time trying to pick it off so you could see the freakin' numbers.)

And there was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I'm saying!?! We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little rat-bastards. (OMG Saturday morning cartoons were THE BEST! They were worth the wait. lol)

And we didn't have microwaves, if we wanted to heat something up we had to use the stove ... Imagine that! (We did have microwave, but they were new enough that a lot of my friends didn't have them. And I remember my mom making homemade macaroni and cheese in it MANY times...AND I remember blowing up SEVERAL packages of hotdogs on the quest to perfect the "defrost" option...)

That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled. You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1980!

Regards,

The Over 30 Crowd

ANGIES ADDITIONS:

I remember the year we got our very first VCR. Oh, yeah, that's right. It was the size of a current day computer and it was ONLY in my parent's room. (I'm sure they were watching "educational" shows only...)

I remember when Tiger Beat was THE magazine to get! And it always had those fold out "penthouse style" posters of one of the Corey's in it. (If you didn't know that was a reference to the infamous duo Corey Haim and Corey Feldman, please raise your hand so my friend can come over and hit you with a tack hammer, because you are a RETARD).

Also, we didn't have cell phones. Neither did our parents... and we CERTAINLY didn't have them in high school. You know what cool gadget I got when I was in high school? A PAGER. OH YES. And I was damn proud to be sporting it too!!! There were pay phones at every gas station and on street corners all over town - and people actually used them. A lot. And, and I must mention a call from a pay phone was NOT 50 cents, or even 35 cents... they were a quarter. And some of the really good old ones were still hanging around with that 10 cent price tag...

Oh, and in fact we didn't even have CORDLESS phones until I was in high school. You had the phone with the loooong ass cord that you drug all over the freakin' house trying to get a SMIDGEN of privacy. And if your jerkass siblings want to use the phone? They just grab the other end and PULL.

Oh, and text messaging? In school, we called that "passing notes", maybe you've heard of it? Yea, that is where you have to write down your secret message and fold up as small as possible. Then you think of some genius way to deliver it... whether you throw it to your friend across the room when the teacher isn't looking, or employ all of your other classmates in the "passing" (this was how we practiced teamwork and being able to trust and depend on others), or you decide to take a little walk over to the trashcan and discreetly drop the note on your friend's desk as you pass by... the "passing" was the fun part about it all!!!! The possibility of getting caught! And you never really wrote anything tooo bad, because if you did get caught, the teacher would read it aloud to the whole class and everyone would laugh and point at you...

Ok, that's all I can think of at the moment!! Please feel free to add your own, or comment on mine!

See ya all later!

"Who's the Big Winner?"

2009-01-15T22:41:00.014-06:00

ANGIE'S THE BIG WINNER!

That's right folks, I got on here yesterday to find that I have not one ONE, but TWO blog awards! WHOO HOO!!! :)

So the first one is from my sister Needsleepy. It is the Pink Lemonade Award! I'm not really sure what this is for, but I'm going to go ahead and say it is for my uncanny ability to take the lemons life tends to hurl at me at 100 mph, add Tequila and make margaritas!!! Um... I mean, Lemonade! :) Hehe, thanks so much, sweetie! My first blog award ever!!!

The second award I have gotten is from Momma Young! Now, to be honest, this one was a huge surprise to me. This is one of my readers who apparently slipped in under my radar. She has posted many comments on my blogs in the past (much love sweetie!) and I kept looking for her blog updates on my dashboard thingy...never finding any! Well, that is because I a freakin' retard and never started following it... (shame on me, /slaps own hand). Well, I have since remedied the situation, and I am now an avid follower! She is such a sweetheart (and I have no idea WHY she would like MY blog, as I am NOT a sweetheart, lol) and her blog is a lot of fun to read (so go check it out!!)

Anyways, she has given me the "Honest Scrap" award. I am guessing that this is a euphemism for "Real Shit" when you apply it to my blog... LOL :) Anyways, this one has a little catch though... I have to tell 10 honest things about me. And I am supposed to "dig deep" to come up with some good ones... so... here we go! Now, I will warn you, I sat for a long time thinking about the whole "dig deep - honest things about you" thing and I took it seriously. A lot of these are things that not many people really know about me. And probably for good reason... in all HONESTY, some of these I probably should have continued to keep to myself! lol

1. I am a little bit afraid of the dark. I am always worried that there is something there, watching me. I have a hard time getting out of bed in the middle of the night, whenever I am home alone... I guess for some reason I feel like whatever is watching me conceals itself more when anyone else is around.

2. OBVIOUSLY, I believe in ghosts. I am convinced that my parents house was (and STILL is) haunted when I grew up there. Their house is just fucking creepy and I can no longer stay there alone. If they ever go out of town and need a housesitter, I think I will definitely have to pass. I did it once to take care of the dogs they had at the time, and I don't think I slept more than 2 or 3 hours the 2 days I was there. All the reasons that their house scares the shit out of me will have to be their own post sometime - there is just too much to write here...

3. I'm not that sure I'm a very good mommy. Oh, I know, poor Angie, right? But anyone who knows me in Real Life knows that this is something I stress about. A lot. I feel tremedous pressure to make my children's life perfect, probably due to all the guilt I feel for fucking up their home life. I feel guilty for Josie because I divorced her dad and she only gets to see him for 2 1/2 days, every other week. I feel guilt for Mia and Blake because I am not married to their father. I know that EVENTUALLY they will learn how to do math, and realize that they were born out of wedlock (that is, IF we ever actually get married!!) and think that their mommy is a big whore. This is probably a whole other blog post too, but I will probably never write it, because it depresses me.

4. I used to be an exotic dancer. I know my mom reads this, but I also know that she is not stupid. I told my family that I was a waitress at a "Gentlemen's Club" for about 3-4 years. I was NOT a waitress. I'm sure my family knew, but they were nice enough to pretend to believe my lie. NOTE TO MOM: If you really didn't know, then THIS NEVER HAPPENED. I really was a waitress, I swear!

5. I do not have a college education. In fact, I have a G.E.D. ("Good Enough Diploma). This is something that at 16 I didn't give one shit about, but as an adult, I am extremely embarrassed. In fact, it is also a little sad, because I never went to prom, I never went to graduation, and I will not be invited to my class reunions. When people ask me what year I graduated, I usually tell them 1996. They then do a little math on my age and usually assume I must have skipped a couple of grades in order to graduate early... I rarely correct people who make this assumption...

6. I HATE porta-pottys. HATE HATE HATE them. I think they are the grossest fucking thing ever, and if I had lived in the time of outhouses, I would have shit in the bushes. If I go to a fair or event that lasts all day and the only place to pee is a porta potty, I try very hard to not eat or drink anything. The only exception to this is the Renaissance Fair, and that is because I work the bar, so I am required to have a FEW beers! :) But I don't get tanked because the more you drink, the more you have to use the "closet o' poo".

7. I LOVE to do housework - BUT ONLY IF THERE IS NO ONE ELSE HOME! If people are there, they just get in my way, mess up what I just cleaned or distract me from my cleaning spree. Then I just get pissed and decide that someone else can clean shit up for a change...so then NOTHING gets done... :) If I could convince Pat to leave with all the kids once a week (like maybe a Sunday afternoon, or something), for a few hours, my house would be spotless when he got back. I think he refuses because if he is not at home, then he can't play WoW, and that REALLY takes priority... :)

8. I am a pagan. Before you all go running for the hills, know that a pagan is NOT a heathen or a devil worshipper! Don't believe all the crap you see on TV! A pagan is simply someone who does not adhere to any major, organized or recognized religion. I believe there is good and evil in the world. I also believe in the need for balance in all aspects of your life. I believe in karma, and I believe in the preciousness of nature and in the natural world around us. I also believe in the power that each person holds within themselves, which can make all things possible. The power of the mind is vastly underestimated, and I believe that anything is possible when you seriously apply your mind.

9. I desperately want to be liked by everyone, even the people that I don't like. I always spout the "Eh, I don't give a shit what anyone thinks!" line, but in all HONESTY (that is what this is about, right???) I really DO give a shit. I don't like to throw parties or call old friends, because I'm very afraid that people won't show up or won't answer their phone - because they don't like me... And I always go out of my way to be extra nice to all the people at work (even the assholes I hate and all the people who make my life hell), because I want to be the "gal everyone likes". I was never popular in school (in fact I was the opposite) and I always said that I hated the popular girls... which was true. But I hated them because so many people liked them, they always had someone to talk to or somewhere to go, and I didn't have that. I was jealous, and I admit it. :(

10. I lie to my kids. Yes, I know we all do, big shocker right? I, of course, tell my kids of Santa and the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy and stuff like that. But I also take it a step further... I told Josie this year if she didn't stop acting up, then I was gonna call Santa and have him skip our house this year. She of course FLIPPED OUT and was immediately a little angel for the remainder of the night. I tell her that chicken fried steaks are just really big chicken nuggets so she will eat them (she doesn't eat ANY meat besides breaded chicken and SOMETIMES fish...). I told her cottage cheese was ice cream when she was 3 and now it is one of her favorite snacks. She knows it is not ice cream now, and even calls it the right name, so I'm ok with that one... :) One time I made ham and Mia wouldn't eat it. I told her it was turkey and she gobbled it down so fast, saying "Mmmmmm yummy turkey!" the whole time... I have also told Mia that I was going to work one evening when I was going to a movie with my sister. Mia was getting very upset that I was getting ready to leave, and she understands "work" so I used it so she wouldn't be upset anymore. It worked and she gave me a hug and a kiss bye bye. :)

OK! So that is my ten. I'm sorry if they were too long, or too stupid, or too boring.

I am going to pass this wonderful award on to a few of my fellow bloggers as well!

Needsleepy at http://luckysmiles.blogspot.com/

Mommy Chrissie at http://realmommyissues.blogspot.com/

Christine at http://seetiggerbounce.blogspot.com/

J.J. in L.A. at http://jjinla.blogspot.com/

Looking forward to seeing what you all write about!!

Gonna knock the shit of the next person who asked me how my birthday was

2009-01-12T10:21:00.003-06:00

UGH. My birthday was yesterday. I have been asked COUNTLESS times "So how was your birthday?"

To prevent anyone else asking me this, I am going to answer this burning question on everyone's mind...

My birthday sucked. It was just another day. I got to let Pat take a nap in the morning, I got to take care of kids, cooks meals, clean house and do laundry. I did not go out to eat, or go to a movie, or even receive a birthday card, let alone a gift from my husband. I think Pat mentioned the fact that it was my birthday around 2 or 3 that afternoon. And shortly after, asked what I was going to cook for dinner.

Now, I know that I am 29 years old, and by that time you should not expect much fuss about your birthday. That's perfectly fine and I understand... but, seriously, he couldn't run to Wal-Mart and buy me a fucking card? Nothing? Not even an actual "Happy Birthday, Sweetie!" or anything?

Over 4 years of birthdays, Pat has gotten a trip to Vegas, a huge surprise party (for his 30th) with a custom 3D cake in the shape of a 6 pack of beer, video games, movies, a mini fridge, cards from me AND the kids, and always SOMETHING else like dinner, drinks or a movie out with friends...

Over 4 years of birthdays, Pat took me to dinner with my friends and family last year (which my sister had to help him organize), and got me LOST season 3. We took the kids to dinner with us, and then went straight home afterwards...That's it. And those were BOTH for last year...

So, today (and even yesterday evening) when people call or swing by and ask me how my birthday was, I am actually embarrassed to tell them. Seems like everyone at work at it on their calendars and has come by to give me birthday wishes, which is so fantastic, but then they ALL seem to want to know "So, what did you do for the big day? Get anything good?" I DID NOTHING. I GOT NOTHING. (Well, I did get a card from my brother and his wife, which was so very sweet. Thanks guys, if you read this!)

So pretty much, I didn't really have a birthday... which is ok I guess. No big deal... but I am just really tired of having to TELL everyone that it was basically non-existent.

My sister HAS planned a dinner/night out for next weekend, which I REALLY am looking forward to. But Pat does not really know anything about it, so he can't even use "I thought we are celebrating it next weekend?" as an excuse. I guess I'm mostly pissed because HE ignored it... like always. I guess I just wanted to have ONE DAY that he treated me a little special, and made the day about ME for a change.

Next year, I'm just gonna plan a trip for my birthday... just for myself. And maybe my sister or something like that. Since I know I won't be ruining any plans or anything... I'm sorry, did that sound bitchy??

Anyways, Happy Birthday to me. Maybe Valentine's Day will be better... (laughs so hard I pee my pants...)

Quitters and Getters

2009-01-08T09:42:00.003-06:00

Ahhhh, January.............the month of quitters.

Seems like everyone is trying to quit SOMETHING.

Quit smoking, quit drinking, quit going home with random men from bars, quit eating out, quit picking your nose, quit talking with your mouth full, quit taking the elevator, quit frivolous spending, quit missing so much work, quit eating sweets and junk food, quit quitting…

And if they are not trying to quit something, then they are trying to GET something... these are the getters.

Get back in shape, get organized, get involved, get finances in order, get a new house, get a new car, get your shit together, get ‘er done.

Now, most quitters will do very well on their new year’s resolutions… for the first month. Come February it will be “well, one cigarette won’t kill me”, or “I’ll just have ONE piece of pizza”…

The getters usually do a little better – they usually stick to it for about 2-4 months. But then they start slacking off, getting tired of all the extra responsibilities or stress from their resolutions and pick up their old behavior...

I think, out of the two, I’m more of a getter… mostly because I don’t WANT to quit anything. I like to smoke, I like to drink, I like to eat hotdogs and cookies. I like to park close so I don’t have to walk, I like sitting on my ass watching TV. I like to take the elevator (mostly because of the shoes I wear, AND the fact that public stairwells give me the willies).

To anyone that has vowed to quit something, I truly wish you the best of luck! I hope your willpower is exceptional and your convictions are strong. I hope the promise of clean air and a healthy liver keep you to your course and you conquer your addictions!

To anyone who DID NOT vow to quit… wanna skip work and go get a drink? In a bar? And smoke cigarettes? And order fried foods and extra cheese and spend way too much money on it? I’ll even let you pick your nose and talk with your mouthful, as long as we can take the elevator…

Happy New Year to everyone!

Angie's Resolutions:

Get better at remembering birthdays, anniversaries, and other important dates (this has been a resolution 3 years running... let's see how I do in 2009)
Exercise 2 times a week (yea, right... but we'll give it a shot)
Reach my goal weight (This, I'm pretty sure I can do)
Save money for a house (again... "yea, right")
Pay my bills on time
Get more organized (uh huh...)
Get rid of clutter and crap I don’t need
Stop buying crap I don’t need (If I could do this, I wouldn't need to do the one above this one)
Get more involved in Josie’s school
Take time for myself (never gonna happen)
Be nicer to Patrick
Have more sex with Patrick
Make TIME to have more sex with Patrick… (I REALLY hope I do this one!!!)
Try to start writing on my book again
Get pictures printed off of my digital camera and PUT IN ALBUMS (never gonna happen...I'm all talk)
Get Family Pictures taken on a regular basis (or half ass regular…like "annually"…lol)
SEND OUT CHRISTMAS CARDS!

Vomit, Vomit, O' Glorious Vomit

2008-12-31T12:37:00.002-06:00

There are some things that happen to you as a mother, that you NEVER thought you would get used to. In your head, you groan "Omg, not AGAIN. This is SO freakin' disgusting!"

Getting peed on, spit on, pooped on, dirty little fingers getting shoved into your mouth to touch your teeth, putting a supository in your kid's butt and then cheering them on as they try to dislodge the gigantic turd that has been backing them up for 2 days, cleaning poopy diaper after poopy diaper, having to wipe a 3 year olds butt for them, smearing diaper rash cream on all of your children's private parts, a 5 year old using YOUR shirt as a Kleenex, and having your son giggle every time you use a wipey on him because it jiggles his balls. (I threw that last one in there, because that STILL cracks my shit up. He is just like his daddy....) All of these things in life that you NEVER thought it would be possible to "get used to"... but you eventually do.

They are so many things that I didn't even realize I had gotten used to, until someone else points it out. Like the fact that I am unable to go to the bathroom or take a shower or bath ALONE. Ever. The fact that almost on a daily basis, my youngest daughter will surprise me by putting some kind of food in my mouth (half the time it is something she had already tasted and didn't like so she thought she would give it to me, and the other half of the time she has dirt and gunk and shit all over her hands from god knows where and jams those in my mouth too).

But there is ONE THING that I don't think I will EVER get used to - puke.

I hate puke. I am a sympathetic puker: if I see it, hear it or smell it, I will be there puking right next to you...

So, I think it is a really mean joke that Mia has taken up vomitting as a hobby. (She had a medical condition, she really can't help it). She has been getting better the past couple of months, so I had started to think that maybe we were FINALLY moving out of that phase...

Then comes winter time... every time her nose start running, she is back to vomitting from drainage... UGH. The most recent one, Mia climbed in bed with me, and then puked ALL over me, her and my freakin bed (including my favorite pillow!!!! DAMMIT!!!)

Now Blake has been doing to the past 3 days... Oh please shoot me now. His was probably the scariest ever because he did it in his sleep and started choking... OMG. Scared the shit out of me.

Please please please, in this upcoming year, grant me less puke. If that is the only thing that goes right for me this year, I will be completely thrilled.

Early Christmas Present(s)...

2008-12-23T09:03:00.008-06:00

Soooo, as most of you know, I'm not really good at this whole "Christmas" thing. The whole, "Put up Chrismas lights, decorations, and the tree the weekend after Thanksgiving, buy presents, wrap them, send out Christmas cards with a family picture and a cute, detailed newletter describing what my family is up do, stockings filled with fun little toys and candy, blah, blah, blah". That is not how it usually goes at MY house... I kind of have my OWN family tradition...

At my house (the last few years, anyways) my family tradition goes a little something like this:

Do Christmas shopping whenever I have extra time. (Weekends, lunch hours, etc)

Put up Tree (skip the lights outside) SOMETIME in December.

Decorate the Tree SOMETIME before Christmas Eve.

Buy Christmas cards on one of my shopping outtings.

Make the same list over and over again for who I need to still buy for and what I will get them...

TRY to make an appointment for family pictures (to put in my Christmas Cards, of course), always too late, never able to get in before Christmas...

Take one final shopping trip with my Daddy on Christmas Eve (sometimes on the 23rd instead).

Sit up all night on Christmas Eve drinking, watching A Christmas Story, eating Santa's cookies and wrapping my "plethora" of gifts.

Realize I never sent my fucking Christmas cards out, and have another drink to make me feel better about fucking this up, YET AGAIN.

So, that is USUALLY how it goes. So this year, I really wanted to get some things done more efficiently, and make the holiday a little more enjoyable for my kids...

What a fucking joke.

I HAVE done all my Christmas shopping (yea for me), and my Tree IS up (not decorated, oops). I bought more Christmas cards, and Pat showed me a drawer in the office that has 17 boxes of unused Christmas cards from years past. Oops. I tried to call the photo place, again a week or two too late, and they were unable to fit me in before Christmas. Drats. Oh, and a newsletter? Wtf ever. No way in hell was that getting done. I was completely deluding myself thinking that was even a possibility.

Last night, I forced Patrick to help me wrap some gifts, as I was DETERMINED to get some freakin' presents under the tree at least a day or two early. We were up until about 12:30 last night and got all the "outgoing" gifts wrapped and a few for the girls. So about half. Yea for me!!!

This morning Mia woke up at 5 am (WTH???) and I convinced her to climb in bed with us. She crawled all over me, hit me, kicked me, talked, and finally decided she wanted down. Pat got up, agreed to take her downstairs, get her some donuts, and come back and wake me up at 6:15 so I could ready for work (and let him go back to bed for a little while).

At 7:40, I woke up, and realized that I was LATE AGAIN!!! Geez! So I run downstairs and find Pat sleeping on the couch. I start YELLING (seriously yelling very loud) and he just kept right on snoring... I turned on the lights, still yelling...still snoring...

It is at this point that I realize I am standing knee deep in wrapping paper. WTF?

Mia is jumping up and down in excitment at all of her NEW TOYS!!! Yep, she unwrapped almost all the gifts...

NOW I REMEMBER WHY I DON'T WRAP GIFTS UNTIL CHRISTMAS EVE.

So, my entire evening last night was a complete waste of fucking time...Stupid mommy...

I'm going back to my old tradition... it worked much better. Oh, and while I wrote this, I realized that I have YET AGAIN forgotten to send out my Christmas cards... I will never learn, will I?

So, if you were expecting a gift from us this year, and are DYING to know what I got you, give Mia a call, I'm sure she would be happy to tell you... she knows what EVERYONE is getting this year!!!

Welcome to "The Mia Show" - Wear a Cup...

2008-12-17T16:01:00.012-06:00

Well, Mia is two now, and it is REALLY starting to show. I know the whole "terrible two's" is bullshit (it's really the 2's, 3's, and 4's), and Mia is really living up to the legend!! In fact, this past week or two, she has really outdid herself...

Some of you may know, and some may not, that Mia is middle child (which by definition, is an attention hog). She is the one on the right, with the chubby cheeks and dimples... cute right?? WRONG. So much of what this child does is NOT FREAKIN' CUTE at all. Sometimes she is just plain MEAN! She got her daddy's cute smile and her mommy's bad attitude! (Why couldn't she have gotten something GOOD from me, like my amazing sense of humor, or my ability to win people over the second I meet them????)

First, she picks on Josie. Constantly. Now, as discussed in a previous blog, Josie is a bit of a pansy. Now, I LOVE LOVE LOVE her, don't get me wrong, but, wow, she is a big puss. I cannot count the number of times I have been in the kitchen (bathroom, bedroom, living room, outside, inside, in the car, etc, etc) and heard Josie SCREAM and start crying something about "Mia did (insert mean thing Mia did here)".... It's usually like, Mia took my toy, or Mia turned off the TV, or Mia changed the channel, or Mia ate my poptart, or Mia licked my face, or Mia is in my spot, or Mia hit me with a remote (flashlight, flyswatter, piece of paper, dolly, shoe, shirt, you name it, I've heard it). Now, I really do my best to keep them civil, but they are siblings and they will fight. About everything.

I am now starting to realize why my mom was such a bitch. (Love you mommy!!!) Her children MADE HER that way!!!!

So, anyways, she picks on Josie. Oh, well, I do my best with time outs, say you're sorry's, give hugs, and so on. I try to teach the be nice crap that was shoved down my throat as a child, and Mia listens about as well as I did...

Let me just give you a few examples of crap Mia has been doing...

Keep in mind this is just in the one hour in the morning as I get ready for work, and the couple hours at home in the evenings for the past 2 weeks...

Ok, here we go....

One night I was feeding my son, and the girls come down to ask for a snack. I look at the clock and it is about 15 minutes until bedtime. So I say no. Josie whines a bit, but sulks off back into the play room to get the best use out of her 15 minutes... Mia doesn't. She looks at me and says "snack." I looked at her and said "no." She stares at me, then goes upstairs. I figure she went back to her spongebob (like each night before bed) and went back to giving Blake his bottle. I then hear this horrible screeching sound upstairs. I set the bottle down, grab the boy and head up. I see Mia has dragged a dining room chair into the kitchen and was getting her own damn snack... Of course when she sees me, its "hi, mommy.... here!" and attempts to make me believe she thought I could use some Cheetos, and she was just going to get some for me. Sweet kid, huh?

Next, one night after Blake's bath (I still give him a bath in the kind of tub you set on top of the counter), Mia thought she would be helpful and empty the tub for me, I guess. She turned one of the latches and the thing fell into two pieces, spilling a few gallons of dirty soapy water ALLL over my bathroom... She calmly and quietly shut the door, and went downstairs as if nothing had happened. What a doll.

Another night, my father and I had stepped out to smoke, and Pat was in with the kids getting them ready for bed. Mia comes running over to the glass door, yelling about wanting to come outside. I told her (through the door) that it was late, cold, and she was in her jammies, so no, she needed to stay inside. Her face just falls, and I turn back around (feeling secretly triumphant) and resume my conversation. A few seconds later, my father bursts into laughter... I turn back around at Mia and she is bending over, showing me her butt, smacking it with one hand, and yelling "Mama BUTT!"... Awww... can't wait until she shows Grandma THAT trick!

She has broken 3 toys, got stuck in a walker/bouncer thing FOURTEEN times, has dumped 2 boxes of cereal on the floor, put 2 rolls of wrapping paper IN the Christmas tree (took me FOREVER to find them), flushed half a roll of toilet paper, jammed 5 DVD's into the VCR player (as well as 2 small toys and a couple Cocoa Puffs - VCR doesn't work anymore...), hidden my keys twice, and spit in my drink once (she walked up to my glass and started to take a drink of my tea. I said "No, Mia, don't drink mommy's drink. You ask First!" So she spit it back in and said sweetly "Drink Peez?"...).

She also made 3 "accidental" phone calls to people who probably need to be deleted out of my phone anyways, poured a cup of water all over the floor in the kitchen (and then CASUALLY places her cup in the sink and goes back to her coloring book like nothing happened... in walks Mommy and falls straight on her ass...), ate a dime size dollop of Hydrocortizone cream (I called poison control, she is fine) and downloaded 2 spyware things onto Pats computer. (That one is kind of his own fault, he lets her play on there, pushing buttons on the keyboard).

I know what you are all saying - "Geez, watch your fucking kid lady!!!!" But let me assure you, I DO!!!! The majority of these things happen either while I am feeding/changing/bathing my son, while I am in the shower, or while I am cooking dinner/doing dishes. Being alone at home with 3 kids in the evenings (Pat works second shift) is a bit of a challenge, and things are bound to get broken, lost, etc. You still have things that HAVE to be done. You cannot just decide to not cook dinner, or not feed the baby. You make the mistake of going down to switch over the laundry and next thing you know, your walls have green marker on them...

Now, I know that most of this is because Mia is an EXTREMELY independent little girl, and she RARELY asks for anyone to help her do what she wants. She is super fucking sneaky, and if she wants something, she just goes right ahead and does it herself. She has the "Don't worry, I can do it myself" attitude that all 2-3 years old get, but she has it is spades. One of the cereal boxes that was dumped on the floor was due to the fact I was in the shower, and she wanted some more cereal... so she went and GOT IT. That's all. Hmmm....

I really have been working on the "tell me what you need and I will HELP YOU do it" thing, but she seriously just doesn't want anyone's help... Can't decide if that is a GOOD thing, because she will never be dependent on others to do or get the things she wants in life, or if it a habit that I should discourage... Oh, decisions, decisions...

That's the crappy part about being a parent. You HAVE to make decisions that will affect your children's outlook on life and the world. The way they interact with others, the way they handle stressful situations, the way they treat the people around them. Everything you do, your kids are watching, and filing it away in a special little place in the back of their minds for reference or use later on in life.

Both of my daughters are independent, and I think that is something I should be proud of. Josie's strength, of course, is in her ability to make anyone like her. I have noticed (and so have her teachers) that she will play with ANYONE. She is friends with just about everyone in class. She will go from playing dolls and "house" with the girls, straight to Superheroes and cops and robbers with the boys. She received the "Most Caring Student" award in her class last week (every grade had a student nominated), and I was SO proud!!!

I was bragging to a co-worker about her. She gave me a big smile - her comment to me was "Well, I'm sure her mother's influence had SOMETHING to do with that". I was speechless... I hadn't even thought of that. I was just so proud of HER actions, I didn't really consider that it might be a learned behavior and that I had ANYTHING to do with it... I hope that is true. I would like to think that my kids see me as a caring person, and that is how you should act towards everyone.

But back to my point (Sorry!! I get distracted), I really hope that Mia gets through this phase without too much damage to herself or the world around her. But I hope she keeps the independence thing - and I hope it is something else that my children MIGHT have picked up from me... :)

The Doctor is OUT

2008-12-16T10:11:00.003-06:00

Omg, I don't know what it is about me, but apparently I seem to be the type of person that EVERYONE wants to talk to about their problems! I got to work (late of course...it IS snowing out...) and immediately I have emails from friends and co-workers about allllll their problems.

I have a friend who is having mother-in-law issues, another stressing over Christmas, another worrying about whether or not it is too soon to date since her husband passed, another with men troubles, and even more trying to deal with a myriad of other problems. Now, I have no problem with people needing to vent or blow off steam, as I need to do that too on a daily basis... what my problem is, is everyone wants MY ADIVCE. Some are even getting ready to make, or have just made a decision (usually based on my advice) and need moral support to see it through...

Well, shit, anyone who actually KNOWS me, should know not to ask me for advice!!! I have a condition that causes me to give shitty advice on a daily basis. I can't seem to help it. But in my defense, regardless of how bad my advice is, or how often I get other people into trouble, they always seem to come back for more... I have even found myself going out of my way to stick my nose into other people's business to voice my unsolicilated opinion, which is usually inappropriate at best, and they THANK me for it!!!! They enable me!!!

And moral support? Well, I guess you could say, I have "questionable" morals, so maybe you should look somewhere else for that too...

I find that I seem to be giving the same advice for a lot of different problems lately...

Boss is being a hard ass? Fuck 'em! Do what you think you should.

Husband being a lazy jerk, didn't get you anything for Christmas? Fuck 'em, do something to make yourself happy.

Mother-in-law giving you toilet paper again for Christmas? (This is a real email I got this morning, by the way)... Fuck her! Give the anti-Democrat a copy of Barack Obama's new book. (Yes this was really my advice...).

What would other people think if I started dating? Fuck them! Who care's what they think? If it makes you happy, then do it.

Now, I don't know if my advice is my subconcious trying to tell me what to do about my OWN problems or if this is really the best advice I can think of, but we seem to keep coming back to a common idea - do whatever the hell you want!

Maybe THAT is why people come to me - because I tell them they should do what they want. Maybe they just need to hear someone ELSE say "Sure, go ahead!!"

So I have decided that since I basically suck at giving advice, I'm going to cut everyone off. No more easy way out for you people!!! :)

I am not a therapist. And I never wanted to be. I need therapy myself, so I don't think I am the best one to be giving advice anymore. But I will give one last, STANDING order for anyone that is desperate for a little piece of Angie wisdom.

Please feel free to print this out and tape it to your fridge, or put it in your purse to pull out whenever you need it....

DO WHATEVER THE HELL YOU WANT TO DO!!!!!!

Ok, hugs and kisses everyone, I'll write another "real" blog later :)

Things I Like

2008-12-09T12:24:00.003-06:00

I know, I know, everyone probably took a double take at the title, thinking "There are things that she ACTUALLY LIKES??" But there are some things that I enjoy, and most of them are either a little odd, a little embarrassing, a little childish, a little gross or a little unhealthy...or a little of all of those things... :)

First, there are some foods that I LOVE that most people just say "ew".

Foods I Like:

Hotdogs. Oh, GAWD I love me some hotdogs. I like them grilled, boiled, fried, microwaved, sliced up on mini pizzas, on a bun, on a piece of bread, dipped in mashed potatoes or just sliced up cold. I could eat hotdogs every day. And I pretty much do...

Bologna. Mmmmm. My bologna has a first name, it is L-U-N-C-H. I dig on some bologna, man. I LOVE bologna and pickle sandwiches, as well as just putting a piece of bologna in a bowl with a slice of cheese on top and melting it in the microwave. It makes a little bologna bowl, with cheese soup inside!! Yummy!

Pepperoni Slices. I eat these like chips. All the time.

Mayonnaise. I have a fetish with extra mayo on my deli sandwiches. I can't help it, and if you eat lunch with me at a deli, be prepared to see the fantastic white delicacy dripping out the back of my sandwich...and be prepared to watch me scoop it up with my finger and eat it too...

Some Hobbies That I Like:

I like to watch old crap movies. Now, by these I don't mean old sci-fi or black and whites. I mean stupid movies that I LOVED when I was younger and I still love. I actually hide some of these movies so Pat doesn't know I even have them. Some examples of these movies are: Teen Witch ("Top THAT"), Crybaby (O, Johnny Depp in his younger years), Grease TWO ("We're gonna BOWWWWWWWWL TONIGHT!"), The Worst Witch (Oooooh, Mildred!), Labrynth (David Bowie's hair is HAWT), Red Sonya AND all the Conan the Barbarians (all Arnold, and love them ALL!), etc., etc., you get my point. Movies that suck. And I love them.

I like to play video games. A lot. A lot more than I ever tell people. This is a fact that I VERY RARELY EVER bring up in a conversation, mostly because I am just a tiny bit (a whole lot) embarrassed. I know it's stupid, but I really try not to immediately prove to everyone what a loser I am... at least until I get to know you a little better...then I can tell you all about my addiction.

I like to smoke. A lot. It is a hobby and I love it. If you suddenly have the urge to tell me how bad it is for my health or that I would be so much more healthier if I quit, please feel free to have a nice tall glass of "shut the hell up". I know, and I just don't really care. It is legal, and I do not smoke in my house or around my kids. Plus, I might be healthier, but I would be a total fucking bitch...even worse than I am already.

I like to read books. All kinds of books. I love werewolves, vampires, elves, princesses, Indians, cowboys, teenagers, non-fiction biographies, renaissance, horror, thrillers, funny, romantic, cooking, self help, everything. A book (or a gift certificate for a book STORE) is the perfect gift for me. :) A good book is the perfect company for so many boring moments. Like going out to eat alone, waiting in a waiting room, nothing good on TV, power is out (but you still have a flashlight!)etc. And NEVER underestimate the importance of a really good book for a trip to the crapper.

Some "Other" Things I Like:

I like shoes (I know, all women do, right?). But I like CERTAIN shoes. I like shoes/boots with a 3" heel. I like them to have pointy toes. I like them to be free of tassels, buckles or bows... and I like them to be cheap and last forever... :) Sneakers suck.

I like buying appliances. Every time I go to Sears, Lowe's, Best Buy, any place like that, I ALWAYS want to look at appliances. Even if I don't NEED a new one, I sure do WANT one!

I like it when someone brushes my hair. A LOT. There is something soothing and relaxing about it... except for when my daughter, Mia, does it. She rips my hair out by the fucking root, and then hits me in the head with the brush a few times for good measure. Not really that relaxing...

I like porn. I will not go into details. :)

I like to wear my pajama pants EVERYWHERE. I love my jammie pants and probably have more pairs of those than jeans at the moment... I have probably embarrassed several shopping partners over the years with my neverending parade of night clothes, but I don't really give a shit. That's why I just started inviting my sister... she is usually wearing hers too! lol

Ok, there are some things I like. Hope you found it interesting. :)

OH - AND A BIG HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY SISTER - NEEDSLEEPY!!!! She is THIRTY BLANK today!!! (See, how I was really thoughtful by not telling everyone your age???)

Love you sis!

I'm Bringing "Sexy Back"

2008-12-06T17:18:00.002-06:00

Oh, yes I am. I am SO very proud of myself, and I just felt the need to share a quick update on my ‘journey to whittle down my humongous ass’ with all of you.

I have lost 22 pounds. Since October 22nd. That is 6 weeks. WOOOO HOOOO! That is the size of my one year old niece! OMG!

My goal was originally 40 pounds. At first I looked at the nutritionist and thought, “What the fuck ever lady… Maybe half that…” But what do you know? Now I am feeling that goal is more and more obtainable every day.

I started this diet in a size 14 (read - sometimes a 16) which I was very depressed about. Today I put on a size 10. I’m sorry, maybe you didn’t hear me, I said a FREAKIN’ TEN!!!!!!!! WOW.

Before my diet, there wasn’t a whole lotta sex going on at my house (Well, not the kind with TWO people, just me and B.O.B.). My, my, how things have changed…

For example, this past week I looked like shit, felt like shit, was moping around, not showered, not brushed my teeth, nothing. But Pat kept following me all week. This is how about a dozen conversations went:

Pat: Hey sweetie. How are you feeling? (Attempts to put his hand on my butt, thigh, boobs, or various other naughty places)

Me: I feel like shit. Leave me alone.

Pat: Maybe you just need a shot of penis-cillin (with a big cheesy smile).

Me: Maybe you need a glass of ‘shut the hell up’.

That’s about it. Aren’t we a loving couple?

BUT my point is, after having three kids and gaining… um… a whole shit ton of weight (ok, fine - about 60 pounds) the whole “sexy Angie” took a very looooooong vacation.

I used to wear tiny sexy underwear, stockings, garters, the whole nine yards. Sometimes I even went to the BARE minimum and just went commando! Yeah, I don’t do that shit anymore. I wear GRANNY PANNIES! Oh yes. And I was (until recently) still sporting my maternity undies just because of pure laziness and the lack of desire to go new (read – BIGGER) ones…

But, this morning, as I slipped on my size 10’s, I looked in the full length mirror (the one I usually opt out of in favor for the one that only shows my chest and higher) and I noticed something spectacular… I have a space between my thighs again… HOLY SHIT!!!! I really do! I honestly cannot remember when my thighs did not rub together when I walked. Now, if THAT ain't smexy I don't know what is!!!! LOL

So watch out folks… “It’s called makin’ a COMEBACK!”

Oh, and PS - Quick update from my day from hell. On the way home that night, my daughter pointed out that there was bird poop on her window. Conversation went a little something like this:

Jo: "Mommy, there is bird poop on my window"

Me: "Yes, I know, Josie."

Jo: "There is bird poop on your window too"

Me: "Yes, I know, Josie."

Jo: "Is there poop on Mia's window?"

Me: "Probably..."

Jo: "And on Blake's?"

Me: "Probably..."

Jo: "That bird pooped a lot..."

This is when I realize she must be picturing a HUGE fucking bird, just flying over my car, following me around town, with god awful diarrhea!! :) Kids are so cute...

Oh, and - I FOUND MY GLOVES!!!!!! WHOOOOOOOO!

You say "Good Morning!" - I say "@#% You!!"

2008-12-05T08:40:00.002-06:00

Ok, first of all, I am OBVIOUSLY having a seriously shitty day. And lucky you, I would like to tell you allllllll about it!

First, a little setup… I got strep throat on Sunday night. Went home sick from work Monday, went to the doctor, got my pills, went home to feel sorry for my self. By the next morning, Josie and Mia were both sick too (doctor prescribed them antibiotics too) and Blake has a cold. Been at home with them, all of us sick, for 2 ½ days. Went to work this morning basically because I was feeling well enough to drive and I needed to get the hell out of my house…

Ok! This morning, about 4 am, my son wakes up crying. His nose is stuffy. I take him down to the couch, clean out his nose, and we both pass out right there. I wake up to Pat handing me my phone, saying “Chris called”. That would be my ex-husband - who takes Josie to school. I look at the clock and it is 7:25. SHIT!!!! (Fyi, I get up at 6:00 am to get myself and my kids ready every morning). Chris had called because he was on my porch and I wasn’t answering the door. FUCK. FUCK. FUCK.

So I let him in, run upstairs, drag Jo out of bed, toss some clothes on her, brush her hair while she puts on her shoes, and get her a cup of Cocoa Puffs and a juice box to eat for breakfast on the way to school. I grab her backpack and I notice it feels unusually heavy. I open it up and there are projects and notes from school that I had failed to look at Monday night (because I was sick…). One of those notes being that she is out of money on her lunch account. FUCK. Money, money, money, where the fuck is the fucking money? Of course asshole ex has NO cash (big shocker there) and all I have are $50’s. Pat’s wallet! Ok, here’s $20. Coat, hat, gloves, scarf, backpack, breakfast, cash and off to school, 4 minutes late. (Yes, this all took only 9 minutes, I AM Super Mom, remember?)

Oh, and did I mention the whole time Mia is following me around (she woke up when I burst into their room in a frenzy) asking “TeeBee? TeeBee? TEEBEE????!!!!” FINE! I flip on the TV, yell at Pat (who is, of course, back in bed – that’s “just how he rolls”) and tell him to get up and make her breakfast while I hop in the shower. Turn on the water, get naked, look around… no towels. FUUUCK. Alright, streak through the house, find a basket of towels downstairs, streak back up and jump in the shower. SHIT the water is cold! Turn up the heat, and set a new world record for fastest shower on earth.

Jump out, brush teeth, grab clothes, toss on just enough makeup so I don’t look dead, put on my shoes and I’m ready to go. I run into the kitchen to grab my meds and a “Diet Lipton Green Tea with Citrus” (I love that shit) out of the fridge. There is none… of course! Ok, fine then, I grab a hot one from the box next to the fridge, grab my meds, purse, keys, coat, cigarettes, lighter, and I’m heading to the door! It is 7:59. I have one minute to get west of downtown to get to work. FUCK.

As I am walking out to my car, I realize that it is FUCKING COLD outside. Like, 23 degrees cold. I go BACK inside and get my “heavy” coat. Reach into the pockets – no gloves. Where the fuck are my fucking gloves?? I look in every coat pocket (which trust me, is a lot… I collect coats), can’t find them anywhere. ‘Must be in the car, they gotta be in the car’ I think, so I run back outside and jump in the car. Take off down the road, not even bothering to let the car warm up.

Oh, and… no gloves in the car. I don’t know where the fuck they are. BUT there is a bunch of new trash, and a very icky odor, compliments of Pat taking my car to work the day before.

I reach into my purse and grab my cigarettes. I open up the box and… WTF? I have FOUR. No fucking way. Ok, great, I will just have to ration them out until lunchtime. Only ONE on the way to work today, fine, fine, fine.

All the way to work I am listening to crappy Christmas tunes, and stupid people talking about sales at different stores, and blah blah blah. I am getting ready to pull in to a parking spot when “The Hanukkah Song” came on!! I LOVE that song! Of course, now I am 22 minutes late already and can’t justify 3-4 more just to listen to a song on the radio. So, out of the car, grab all my crap, shove my cold ass hands into my coat pockets (no gloves, remember?) and click the “LOCK” button on my keypad through my pocket. CLUNK. Wtf? I turn around and see that I had apparently hit the wrong fucking button and instead of locking my car, I popped my trunk. Geezus. Walk BACK to the car, close the trunk, LOCK THE CAR, and start running in to the building.

Clock in at 8:26 am. Shit. I didn’t even think to call and let someone know I would be late. Oh well, nothing I can do now.

So, now I’m at work, and things have GOT to start getting better, right? I open my lukewarm tea and start taking my plethora of pills. (A total of 7 – don’t ask). I start sifting through my DAYS worth of emails and voicemails and after an hour, am ready to go back home. My boss called to see what my schedule was like this afternoon, so I pull up my calendar. FUCK. I have to go to jail this afternoon, I totally forgot! (Jail and Bail, March of Dimes thing…) Oh, shit, I don’t want to do that today…

So I sit at my desk, chewing on my bottom lip, trying to NOT go smoke (I am on rations today) when OUCH! Shit, I actually bit a freakin’ whole through my lip. Shit. Its bleeding everywhere, so I am trying to discreetly hold a Kleenex up to it to help the bleeding stop… Every time someone walked by, I pretended to sneeze so they wouldn’t look at me too weird…

I wade through the rest of my morning, and about 11:00 I decide to write a blog. IT SUCKS. So I sent it to my sister to try and make it a little funnier… she even struggled with it, and she said she would call me back later if she thought of anything. (Note, I never did finish that blog…)

So, I decide to go smoke. Glancing at the clock I notice now it is 1:45. Oh Shit. I am supposed to go to jail in 15 minutes! So I grab my shit and head out the door. Speed over there, find a GREAT parking space!! YEA! I am sitting there just finishing my last cigarette, and I notice that there are like a thousand (really a thousand) birds on the ground in the area in front of me. Mia loves birds so I get out of the car to try and take a picture with my phone. I shut my car door and WHOOOSH there they all go… dammit. Oh, well go inside…

Ok, now originally I was “anonymously” nominated to do this by “someone in the community” and my crime was excessive shopping. Which I actually thought was kind of funny, because it is actually a true accusation. I shop WAY too much…

When I went in, they made me where a striped shirt and a tag that said I was arrested for “Excessive use of Band-Aids”… WTF? Great, now I’m the Band-Aid Bandit. What a crock of shit.

Got sat next to “Church Woman” and luckily got released early for good behavior. If I had to stay much longer talking to that woman, I would have traded my watch for a shiv and jammed it into my fucking ears.

Back to the car. Remember the birds? MY CAR IS COVERED IN BIRD SHIT. No kidding, not exaggerating. Oh, it is so fucking nasty, I don’t even want to touch the handle. I WISH I HAD FUCKING GLOVES ON!

Since I’m out early I decide to swing by the gas station and pick up smokes and a coffee. I am standing there putting lots of creamer in my coffee when “Homeless Woman” shows up, stinking to high heaven and stands RIGHT next to me, just staring at me. I finally turn and look at her, and she says “Can I steal your coat?” I look back at her. “No.” I said. “But it is so beautiful, and looks so warm”. “It is. Thanks” and I walk around to the coolers. She FOLLOWS ME. Omg, I gotta get the fuck out of here. I go up to the counter buy my shit and run out to my car, unlocking it from 15 feet away so crazy Homeless Woman doesn’t try to gank me before I can get in the fucking thing. She waved good bye with a very sad look on her face… crazy bitch.

Ok, I leave there and head to Walgreens. What a fucking mess. Go in, get all the shit I need and stand in the line from hell for 20 minutes. Heaven forbid they open a second fucking register. But standing in line I did find some “Medicated” chapstick, which I LOVE. So I grab some, and start putting it on the second I pay for it.

OMG THE BURNING! THE BURNING!!!! Anyone remember me biting my lip that morning?? Well, I fucking didn’t. Medicated Chapstick plus a big gaping whole in your fucking lip equals LOTS of pain.

Get back to work and realize it is 4 pm and I haven’t done a fucking thing today. Work wise, anyways. So I decided to write this blog instead, still not getting anything done… I am already 2 days behind.

And, dammit… I still have to go home tonight… /cry /sniffle /cry

So how was YOUR day????

Three "Wise Men"??? I seriously doubt it...

2008-12-01T13:25:00.002-06:00

Note: I am not a Christmas hater, or a man hater... fyi... :)

So on my way to work, I usually enjoy listening to my favorite radio show… but this morning, there was only… Christmas songs… ugh.

Now, I’m not a scrooge, but I think it’s a little early for Christmas songs. It is December FIRST... not TWENTY FIRST... And in my opinion, if they ARE going to be playing them, they should play some freakin’ songs that people actually KNOW. I didn’t hear any jingle bells, Rudolph, Santa Baby, nothing...

But all the Christmas songs and chatter (about Mary, Joseph, Jesus, the 3 wise men, and all their fun loving animal friends) got me thinking – about the phrase “Three Wise Men”.

What a load of crap. I can’t think of anytime that I have seen 3 men get together and actually be “Wise”.

In fact, if you even get two together, I honestly believe that their IQs actually DROP about 50 points. And holy crap, if you add alcohol into the mix, they just keep getting dumber and dumber with every shot...

The man that is a genuine intellectual will suddenly have a full and complete list of dick and fart jokes to share with you AND all his friends...

The husband that is usually very responsible will be using his ‘one phone call’ to let you know that he will not be home for dinner that night...

And the hard-working, down-to-earth guy will have to explain why he and his friends decided to skip work in order to build a 40 foot water slide off the top of your house into the neighbor’s pool while you visited your sister over the weekend...

Now, add in some cool shit like gold, frankincense and myrrh. First, frankincense and myrrh are “technically” considered to be incense. Which means they can be lit on fire and smoked – medically the smoke is used for easing depression and anxiety.

(And by the way, what the hell would a little baby need that for? How depressed and anxious can he really be at 3 days old?? And the gold? Is that for mommy and daddy so they can get a real hotel room instead of hanging out with the cattle?)

Whatever. If 3 guys really had all that, they sure as shit wouldn’t be taking it to a baby shower. They would take that gold, hit the nearest pub, grab some dancing girls, and party in the new year.

My firsts...

2008-11-26T12:24:00.002-06:00

Ok, so my sister and fellow blogger Needsleepy has invited everyone to create a blog of "firsts" in their live. Most of mine were too inappropriate, unethical or immoral to post on here, so I have narrowed it down to a few that are "ok" for public knowledge. They are still not that appropriate, but oh well.

Before you start reading these and judging me, please bear in mind that I was YOUNG AND STUPID. I have since matured and seen the error of my ways. :)

Boyfriend

My first boyfriend was in 5th grade and his name was Micah. He was a big geek, just like I was. We held hands once, and he hugged me…that was it. Interesting side note, though - I went out on a date with him a few years later in high school, and I found out that he was the WORST KISSER EVER. Seriously. He also ended up being my “first” (and sadly, not my LAST) for ever being licked all over my face and chin during a kiss… EW!

Kiss

First real kiss was with a boy named James. I was in 7th grade, and it was at my friend’s house. My “friend” was also James’ girlfriend… BAD Angie… This was also my first time ever being felt up – WOO!

Set a Park on Fire

Ok, this was COMPLETELY on accident. I was in seventh grade and we had starting using bunsen burners in science class. My lab partner (James - see above) had stole one, and we were messing with it on the way to his house after school. he lived across the street from English Park which has a huge ditch going through the center (I think it was a drainage ditch). Anyways, he kept lighting it and then sticking his hand in it, so I took it away from him and threw it in the ditch (yes it was still lit). Well, long story short, it was fall, the ditch was full of dry leaves, and... then the Fire Department showed up. We watched from his living room window as the put out the fire, and I was afraid they were going to find the bunsen burner and get my fingerprints off of it, and throw me in jail. My friends thought it was freakin' hilarious...

Smoked

The first time I ever smoked was in 7th grade with my friend Diane. We went across the street from her house to a school playground and sat underneath the ‘Big Toy’ to smoke cigarettes. I have smoked ever since…

Bought Cigarettes

I bought cigarettes from “Johnny T’s” convenience shop at age 13. He was a sweet old Asian man who sold smokes to EVERYONE.

Smoked Pot

First time I ever smoked pot (age 13), I got invited to go “smoke a bowl”. I knew that they were talking about pot, but in my head I am picturing a “bowl” like a soup bowl. I thought, ‘There’s no WAY I could smoke all that!!’ But I still went, I got high, and then I got sick. But I was not a quitter, so I practiced until I was able to smoke and not puke… lol

Job

My first job was at a Laundromat (same one as my sister!!). This job sucked ass, and I also still hate doing laundry. This was coincidentally, also my first time ever being fired from a job. Not only did I hate the job, apparently I sucked at it…

Car

My first car was an ’84 Cavalier hatchback. What a piece of shit!! Some key things about my first car… first, it had a “Sparkomatic” radio. This radio only got 3 stations, and it would skip to the next one each time you hit a bump. Second, no A/C. (Although my father informed me that it DID have A/C – a “window unit”… ass…) and third, the windshield wipers worked pretty good, but ONLY when you turned your blinker on. And not just turn it on and let it flash for 10 minutes… like turn it on. Then off. On. Then off. On. Then off… yea. MAJOR pain in the ass. BUT - man that car could move! Fast little sucker…

Concert

My first concert was Lollapalooza ’96. I was 16. It was in Kansas City and my mom let me go with 3 guys and 2 girls. They bought my ticket, and paid for my hotel room (I roomed with the girls, by the way…). The concert was ALL DAY LONG, outside. They had “rain tents” sent up because it was so hot out, and one of them busted and made a HUGE mud puddle. So we spend the day high and covered in mud. Metallica was the headliner that night and they played so many encores that the show didn’t end until 1 in the morning. Best concert I had ever been to.

Apartment

My first apartment SUCKED. You walked into the kitchen slash living room. The next room (no hallway, just a doorway) was my bedroom, with one bathroom off of the bedroom and a closet. That was IT. But it was only $300 a month!

First Marriage

My wedding was gorgeous, it just with the wrong guy. My (now ex-) mother in law came to the bride’s room 5 minutes before the ceremony to tell me I ‘still had time to back out’ (and that is a direct quote). I think I may have married him to spite her. Sadly, she was right, and I should have run out the back door.

Found out I was pregnant

The first time I found out I was pregnant was a month after my first marriage. I had stopped my birth control because my doctor had told me since I had been on them SO long, he thought it would probably take about a year to get pregnant. Um… yea. He was wrong. I was getting ready to go out and get drunk with some friends, and I was talking to one of them on the phone. She was complaining about being on her period, blah blah blah, when I realized I was NOT on mine… Went out, bought a pregnancy test, went home and peed on it. When those 2 little lines showed up, I just stared at it for 15 minutes, wondering ‘what in the hell am I gonna do now?’ Needless to say I did NOT go out that night and within a year I had my first daughter.

My First (and only) Divorce

My first marriage lasted 2 ½ years, and that was with about a year of fighting, marriage counseling, and more fighting. My dad called me a year after my divorce to tell me he had just made the last payment on my wedding… ouch…

Peed My Pants in Public

Hmmm… this was hard to decide. I had once peed my pants at a swimming field trip at school, but I don’t think anyone really noticed. So I’m going with the next time that I remember and that was my 23rd birthday. I was at a bar with my sister and some friends, and I drank WAY too much (go figure…). But, it wasn’t really my fault. Everyone in the bar was buying me drink after drink (and who am I to turn down a red bull and vodka?? Those suckers are like $6 a pop!) and shot after shot.

So, eventually I went to the bathroom to puke. And I just kept puking and puking and puking. Puked so much (and had drunk so much) that each convulsion caused me to pee just a little bit. By the time I was done puking, I had peed A LOT. I had my sister grab my long coat and bring it to me in the bathroom, so I could cover up and get the fuck outta there before someone saw. I have since gotten MUCH better at drinking, and actually consider myself to be somewhat of an authority on the subject.

Skinny Dip

The first time I remember skinny dipping was at a lake party with my sister. The most memorable part of that experience was my brother in law. Everyone had stripped down, and headed to the lake, and I was one of the stragglers at the end. I turned to see my brother in law coming out of his tent, wearing a fishing hat, flippers, and an inner tube. Now, what makes this funny is that he had a cigarette in one hand an a beer in the other, but the inner tube had no problem staying up where it was supposed to… :)

Stole a Car

I "borrowed" my sister's car when I was 15. I had a learner's permit. I drove around town, picked up several friends, and then went to the video store (with her video card) to rent movies. At the corner of my street, I noticed what I THOUGHT was dust floating around. I see my neighbor running towards us with a hose, screaming for us to get out of the car. So we all jumped out (I did go back for my cigarettes...), and watched him spray the hood of the car with his garden hose until the "dust" (aka SMOKE) had stopped billowing and the fire stopped dripping underneath it. We then decided to push it around the corner to the house, which was a total pain in the ass because the power steering fluid was GONE and the tires were half melted.

So then I went inside and told my older brother that I had set my sister's car on fire. He in turn called my sister (who thought my brother was completely full of shit) and then called my dad (who laughed his ass off...). Then my brother, his friends, my friends and I all sat around watching our newly rented movies until my sister came home. When she found out he hadn't been lying she was PISSED. I don't know why, it was a piece of shit car anyways, and I really did her a favor... she DID get another car outta the deal...

So that is a few of my firsts! Hope you found it enjoyable, and please feel free to post some of your OWN firsts!!

So I got tagged....

2008-11-25T12:36:00.003-06:00

Well, dammit I got tagged! lol

So, I got tagged by Brooke (although I’m not entirely sure who she is, but her blog made me laugh, so it’s all good!) so I now have to list eight random things about myself. Hmmmm…. Let’s think….

1. I have an addictive personality.

When I find something I like, I go overboard. This goes for…. Well, pretty much everything. I like to smoke (I smoke a lot), I enjoy drinking and I do it well (WHEN I drink, I drink a lot), I enjoy sex (I constantly harass my “baby’s daddy” to put out), I like to play WoW (I would play this for 24 hours a day, 7 days a week if I could), I like to read (usually when I start a book, I have to read the whole thing before I put it down…so I read it when I eat, on my breaks at work, while the girls play in the tub, in the crapper and while I feed my son.). See a pattern?

2. And about WoW (aka World of Warcraft). I love this freakin’ game.

I am the biggest geek that ever walked the planet. Not only do I have 13 characters ranging across 3 servers, but on my main server, I actually started my own guild. My sister and brother are my ‘second in command’, and the guild has over 120 members… I know… GEEK!

3. I LOVE LOVE LOVE to watch infomercials.

I like to BUY stuff off of infomercials. I also love to shop online – anything and everything, you can get it online! See my “Hi my name is Angie and I’m an addict” post for more details. lol

4. I am not religious.

I hate organized religion, probably from having it shoved down my throat as a child. I am more spiritual, and believe in the power within yourself.

Which brings us to number five… I’m an ordained minister…

How about that, eh? Yep. I originally became an ordained minister because in the state of KS you have to be in order to read Tarot cards or do fortune telling in a public setting (i.e. Renaissance Festival, Spiritual Awareness Fair, etc.). I did this 4 years ago and have officiated two weddings. Oh, and I did this online… see number 3.

6. I read Tarot Cards.

I have for years, and I have gotten progressively better at this. Cards are amazing accurate if you know how to read them, and always a good party trick to break the ice.

7. I never shut the bathroom door when I go to the bathroom at home.

This is for a couple of reasons… one, because of my kids. I am usually home alone with all 3 of them, and for some reason, the second I shut that door that is the minute and a half that my kids want to use to break something in my house or do something strange to their baby brother… So I leave the door open so I can keep my eyes on them. Also, they LOVE to come in the bathroom with me and if I shut the door then opening the fucking thing anyways and come on in. I haven’t gone to the bathroom by myself for what seems like years…

8. For the most part, I don’t eat things that come out of the ground.

I will eat a salad IF (and only IF) it has no tomatoes and lots of ham, turkey, bacon, cheese, eggs, and dressing on it. I order my sandwiches, cheeseburgers, tacos, everything PLAIN. No thanks on steamed veggies, raw veggie trays, any of that crap…

Ok, so that’s my eight. I hope you found it interesting and enlightening! Let’s see, who to tag next… people I would like to know more about!!

http://salenedunn.blogspot.com/
http://alwayschasingcars.blogspot.com/
http://twistedlisa.blogspot.com/
http://chichiluv2.blogspot.com/
http://avm0525.blogspot.com/
http://horrordadjournal.blogspot.com/
http://lessonsfromthebar.blogspot.com/
http://waitresswheresmymartini.blogspot.com/

Ok, so the tag rules are as follows: Each player starts with eight random fact/habits about themselves. People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules. At the end of your blog post, you need to tag eight people and list their names. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’ve been tagged and to read your blog.

Girls Don't Poop

2008-11-21T12:59:00.004-06:00

There are a few misconceptions that men (in general) have about women out there that I feel an obligation to clear up. It seems as if little boys around the world are either NOT getting this information from their mommies, sisters, etc., OR they have always been just "man enough" to ignore the completely obvious.

When couples first start dating, everything is perfect! A lot of men and women out there dating have never lived with a member of the opposite sex before, and there are just some things that men tend to believe about women regardless of whether or not it LOGICALLY makes any sense... And I know that part of the problem is the women's fault as we can (on occasion) lead you to believe some things to be true, but I have never understood why men actually believe certain myths.

For instance...

MYTH - Girls don't poop. Well sorry fellas, I know it is very unladylike, a little icky and a whole lot gross to imagine your woman on the shitter for 30 minutes reading a magazine, BUT IT HAPPENS. Usually every day.

MYTH - Girls don't burp or fart. Um... yea that one is total horseshit. I know that men might believe this one because women are careful to not do this around YOU. At first... :) But I can put my man to shame with some of my burps, although I do have to admit my farts are no where near the caliber of his. But we still DO fart.

MYTH - Girls faces are magically colored to enhance our beauty from the moment we wake up. Sorry, I'm gonna nip this one in the bud too... You wanna know the REAL reason women tend to not spend the night with you (or you at their house) during that first month or so? It's not our outstanding morals or the need to save "it" for marriage or until we are really really really in love with you... it's because we don't want you to see us first thing in the morning. It's not pretty and no amount of "wishing it away" is going to change that... It takes a lot of time and a lot of effort to look the way we do.

MYTH - Girls' legs, underarms, and private areas are genetically dispositioned to not grow any hair. And if any hair does grow, it will naturally keep itself neat and tidy and visually appealing. Ok men are just fucking morons to believe this. But none the less, after two days of romping around in the sheets, only surfacing to grab the phone to order delivery or take a quick potty break, men are actually SHOCKED when they run their hand up your leg and feel the prickly's. They think "it wasn't like that yesterday!!!" Well, no, and I shaved yesterday, dumbass. Didn't shave today, I've been too busy boinking you.

MYTH - Women naturally smell like roses, vanilla, and other yummy smells. We wear perfume dummy. FOR YOU usually. So yea, we are not going to smell like that first thing in the morning... sorry...

MYTH - Women don't perspire. Nope, we get all hot and sweaty just like you. If it is hot out and you think it's funny to tickle us under the arms, be prepared that your hand might get a little MOIST. Would you stick your hand in YOUR armpit in 110 degree heat? Nope, didn't think so.

MYTH - Women LOVED to be tickled. I fucking hate to be tickled, and I would bet $1 that your woman hates it too.

MYTH - Women want their man to be in charge. I'm pretty sure that MOST men should know this by now, but women can make decisions on their own AND they actually do have opinions. We don't need you to "take care of" everything. You want to be in charge of the trash, fine, but do not expect us to check with you on any given decision that needs to be made every single time.

MYTH - Women have no idea what they want to eat. We know, and we are perfectly capable of ordering it ourselves. Thanks.

MYTH - Car? What's a car? Women are not stupid, so please stop assuming that we know nothing about cars. We know what it means to get the oil changed and we know that it should not cost us $200, so stop trying to rip us off at auto shops. Also, we can and do drive ourselves around town, so we can in fact pick out the kind of car we want to buy without our boyfriend's or daddy's advice or approval - so stop "suggesting" I call him.

MYTH - Women love to take care of the house (laundry, dishes, vacuuming, dusting, etc.) and would prefer if you just sit on your ass watching the game. Um, no. A little help would nice, asshole. And it wouldn't kill you to cook a meal.

MYTH - All women are great cooks. NOT TRUE! I know lots of gals that can order a pizza like nobodies business, but couldn't cook spaghetti to save their lives. Do yourself a favor and learn to cook. Even if your woman CAN cook, that doesn't mean she WANTS to cook 3 meals a day, 7 days a week, 52 weeks a year.

MYTH - Women don't know how to grill. Bullshit.

Well, I know there are more than that, but that is all my tiny little woman brain can think of right now. Feel free to add more in comments if you can think of any!!

Life Lessons From 1980's Movies

2008-11-14T13:04:00.002-06:00

So, as most know, my sister and I consider ourselves to be "movie buffs". Movie have played a big role in our lives, so we have colaborated and came up with this listing of the lessons we have learned through watching movies from the 80's. These lessons have shaped us into the wonderful people we are today.

If you cannot guess what movies these came from (at least half of them) then it's one of three things:

A. You are toooooo young to remember any of these!
B. You are toooooo old to remember any of these!
C. You had a deprived childhood. :)

Shall we begin?

1. Never give your panties to a nerd.
2. Always pay your newspaper bill.
3. If you are a geeky girl, the hottest guy in school IS secretly pining for you.
4. Men are always sexier while wearing a loin cloth.
5. Detention can be fun!
6. Goonies never say die.
7. Skipping school is perfectly acceptable ONLY if you go on a national dancing show. And win.
8. If your grandparents disappear, do NOT worry. They are with nice friendly aliens. Not Aging.
9. Never go up against a Sicilian when death is on the line.
10. If you are dying from hypothermia, you should slice open a large animal (a light saber is recommended for this task) and climb inside to stay warm until help arrives.
11. Do not let your pets eat after midnight.
12. There is more than one unicorn left in the world, they are just all in the ocean.
13. The correct term for a rifle is “boomstick”.
14. This is my rifle, this is my gun. This is for shooting, this is for fun.
15. Napalm smells better in the morning.
16. If someone asks you if you’re a god, you say YES.
17. Apes don’t read philosophy.
18. Only a virgin will be able to read the spell.
19. Wolfman DOES have nards.
20. If your sister goes missing, check inside the TV first.
21. You CAN buy love – for $1000.00.
22. Geeks are much better friends than popular people.
23. If you are 17 and REALLY need a job, just fake your resume – they never actually check anything on there anyways.
24. If you are babysitting and end up in a bar full of black people, if you sing them the blues they will not harm you.
25. If you are intelligent, but an under-achiever; alienated from his parents; has few friends and plays tic-tac-toe on your computer you are a classic case for recruitment by the Soviets.
26. Do NOT cross the streams.
27. Chocolate coating makes it go down easier.
28. If you get invited to go to a “small town in Nebraska” but no one knows what a VCR is… you are ACTUALLY in the Soviet Union.
29. Dancing is a very effective way to get an overprotective preacher to loosen up.
30. If you see some doody floating in the pool, take a bite, it just might be a Baby Ruth.
31. Comic Books are an EXCELLENT resource for researching vampires and how to kill them.
32. If you find your friend in a big cocoon of cotton candy, RUN! Killer Clowns are on the loose!
33. If you want to get taller in order to ride a roller coaster, find a Zoltar machine, unplug it, and make a wish.
34. Two men enter, one man leaves.....THAT IS THE LAW
35. You shouldn’t try passing off recovered alien technology as your high school science project.
36. If you are a gamer BEWARE of getting the high score on an arcade game, if you do you will be recruited to fight in an intergalactic war!
37. During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
38. If you are in space be careful of STD's, especially Space Herpes!
39. You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
40. If you are the chosen one, reaching into lava to retrieve a magical weapon to destroy evil will not harm you.
41. If you cut off the horn of a Unicorn, you will plunge the world into eternal darkness
42. If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.
43. When in doubt, nuke the site from orbit!!
44. If you are a man you're chances of getting laid greatly increase if you can hammer a 6 inch spike through a board with your penis.
45. If you are a geeky guy in high school who has trouble getting girls so you decide to make one, don’t forget to wear a bra on your head.
46. In order to take off any miles you may put on your father’s car, just drive home backwards.
47. If you want to get the “cool dream guy”, just wear skin tight black leather, pierce your ears and learn to smoke.
48. Pool sticks, chairs, and bottles are excellent choices for weapons in a bar fight, as they shatter on impact and can incapacitate someone in one whack.
49. When you “mess with the bull, you get the horns”.
50. And, finally, if you see a woman in a diner having a spontaneous orgasm in the middle of her meal, you should probably order “whatever she’s having”.

So I'm a BIG freakin' Sissy

2008-11-13T14:53:00.003-06:00

So, as I was trying to think of ideas for my blog (as I OBVIOUSLY need some new ones, my last couple of posts having been lacking of their original luster), it was suggested to me to write about the things in my life that I was afraid of, but have overcome. That I could call the blog "No Fear".
Uh, huh...

What a fucking joke. Do you see what the title of this is?? Yep. That's right. BIG SISSY. Anyone who read my Legendary Spider Adventure should now by now, I do not "Face my Fears" well. I make the cowardly lion look like the freakin' terminator.

If there are things that I am afraid of, I don't DO THOSE THINGS. End of story. Isn't that sad? There are a lot of things that was scared of, but went ahead and TRIED - and it scared the shit out of me, so I never did it again... Apparently with me, there are no "second chances".

For example, I was so scared of the diving board when I was younger. At a class field trip we went to an olympic sized swimming pool with several diving boards, including a high dive. All of my classmates were SO excited about it and were pushing and shoving to be the first ones in line. EXCEPT ME. I hung in the back, letting everyone cut in line. I had abosolutely NO desire to climb 2 stories up, walk out on a 2" thick piece of plastic and purposely hurl myself towards a few (ok 10) feet of water. I was sure I would hurt myself, get water up my nose, break something or die.

Now, as I stood in the back of the line, other kids starting teasing me and pushing me toward the ladder... peer pressure is a bitch.

After all the pushing and laughing and giggling, I was finally forced onto the ladder of doom. Up and up and up I climbed, shaking with fear, and listening to the other kids tell me to hurry so they could have another turn.

I walked out onto the diving board. It was blue, wet, and scratchy on the bottoms of my feet. I bravely walked out to the end. Looked down. OMG. There is no way I can do this. "JUST JUMP!" I thought to myself. So I plugged my nose (told you I was a geek), ran, and jumped! All I remember is falling and falling and falling.... and peeing my pants... yes. That's right. I peed my pants. Well, swimsuit. I don't think anyone really saw that part, because I was never made fun of about it (or maybe they were just being nice... who the fuck am I kidding, kids aren't nice!). But that humilation has stuck with me for 20 years. I HATE the diving board. I don't go on the diving board. I just don't.

Same with rollar coasters. When I was VERY little, my uncle (I think it was, can't remember I was VERY little...) was running the little kiddie "alligator rollar coaster" at a carnival (and don't give me shit about carnie relatives!). Anyone remember that? The track was like 2' to 4 feet off the ground and went in a big oval. They put me, my sister, my brother and a slew of other little kids on it and I was SO excited. Until it STARTED. Oh, I fucking lost it. I screamed and flailed and damn near tried to jump out. I fucking hated it and I wanted OFF THAT SECOND. They had to stop the ride so I could get off. I'm sure all the other little kids were shooting me dirty looks, and I could still very well be on someone's "People to Kill" list for fucking up the awesome rollar coaster ride for everyone.

I have not ridden a rollar coaster since. Or any other ride at a carnival - I guess in my mind they are ALL guilty by association.

Other things I hate, because they scared the ever-loving shit out of me, and I have NO explanation why. I don't know why, I just know I'm scared.

Like.... I hate spiders. I don't kill them. I scream and get someone else to kill them. The ONLY ONLY ONLY exception is when I am in a position that one of my kids might get bit by it or something. Then and only then can I reach out with that magazine, flyswatter, or shoe and smash the freakin' thing. And NEVER IN MY LIFE would I ever consider killing a spider with my bare hands. You would have to be out of your fucking mind to even SUGGEST that to me.

I hate to drive in cities that I don't know. I will drive all the highways you can throw at me, but once we hit the city - "here it's your turn". No shit. That's one reason I don't travel alone! I will fly in and take a cab everywhere. I am willing to pay money for the convienence ofsomeone else taking me where ever I wish to go, as well as the luxury of not getting lost in the wrong part of town and ending up chopped into little pieces and turned into a piece of artwork at Charlie Manson's cousin's house. I am scared that I will get lost - because I HAVE. I don't like to be lost. I'm a control freak, and when you are lost in a strange city, all control goes out the window.

I am also afraid of confrontation. Which is weird because as a older teenager, I was MS. Confrontation. But as I get older and older, I get meeker and meeker. I don't want to stir the pot. I don't want to rock the boat. I will send my food back at a restaraunt, but I try and be as nice as I can about it most of the time, for fear that they will totally fuck up my food (I saw the movie Waiting...).

I am afraid of glass doors covered with blinds or curtains at nighttime. No kidding, I really am. I have this irrational fear that "someone is out there". I cannot shake it. I cannot bring myself to pull the curtains back at night. Omg, I just can't. I even picture what my attacker would look like, and have had nightmares about that crazy son of a bitch.

So, anyways, I guess that about sums up how well I have "overcome" my fears in life... what are you afraid of???? :)

Cheater Cheater Pumkin Eater

2008-11-12T15:46:00.002-06:00

My 5 year old is a cheater.

Yep, you heard me. She is 5 and she just learned how to cheat on her reading list so she can get a free personal pan pizza and attend the "book reading party" at school.

Last night, I came home from work, and I saw that Josie had gotten down her reading list (she is supposed to read 10 books in November) off the fridge. When I left that morning, it had 3 books on it. She had read a book with Pat and he let her write the name of the book on one of the lines ALL BY HERSELF! Yea for Josie!

BUT - about 20 minutes later I caught her sitting at the table with a pile of books. She was carefully copying the titles of the books onto her reading list sheet. She was on book 9 when I found her. She looked at me and said "Hey mommy, look! I'm almost done with my book it paper!"

Awww... now I know it was cute, and she was SO proud of herself. But, I wasn't sure how to handle the situation. I told her that we could only put a book on there if we ACTUALLY READ IT first. And from now on, let mommy help her fill it out.

Then I looked at the page. There was no way in hell the teacher was ever going to be able to read that... so I went back and wrote the titles AGAIN just below what she had written.... so techincally I guess I helped her cheat...

But, then I decided that she could not turn it in until we read all those books. So I get to go home tonight and read 6 books, just so I don't feel like a shitty mom and letting my kid lie so she could get pizza...

Anyways, that was the most eventful thing of my day.

BUT THE FUNNIEST THING was that Patrick had been home all day...with the kids... Now, what does Pat like to do when he is home? Well, play WoW of course!!

So, he took off Veteran's Day because it was offered at work. He was sooo excited thinking he would just play all day, because Josie would be home and could help entertain Mia, and I would be at work, so I would be out of his face.

Well, long story short, the WoW server was offline. ALLLLLLLL DAY. Yep! And in fact, it was STILL out at 10 pm when I went to bed!

He was pissed, and I laughed.

Gosh I sure love him. :)

RANT - If you get offended easily, don't read this.

2008-11-11T10:54:00.003-06:00

I can’t bring myself to read the paper anymore. There are several things that bother me about the news… first, I am tired of hearing about Prop 8.

Prop 8 (for those who don’t know) is the proposition that was voted on in California on the 4th. It reverses the “same sex marriage” thing that was passed by their Supreme Court a few months ago. So now, since the 4th, same sex marriages are no longer legal in CA. What I don’t understand is why so many people feel it is their place to tell others how to live their lives.

Why should you even CARE if 2 women or 2 men want to get married? Who gives a shit? They are not hurting anyone! I say if you are not gay, they you should not get to vote on this. All the jerk offs that are against it are saying that it destroys the “sanctity” of marriage. Oh, what the fuck ever. You know, heterosexual couples are more likely to divorce, split up, abuse their spouses, commit adultery, etc. WE are the one destroying the “sanctity” of marriage.

Marriage isn’t sacred and it hasn’t been for a long fucking time. Same sex couples who want to declare to their friends and families (and their God) their undying and unwavering love for each other, make that commitment, and choose to live that lifestyle should be commended, not condemned. They are humans and have the same feelings and emotions as everyone else, and they deserve the same opportunities. If you are against same sex marriages, then don’t YOU marry someone of the same sex…

Second is abortion. Are we all still arguing about this?? Are you serious?

Ok, I’m pro-choice. I personally, would not have an abortion unless (strenuously) recommended by my doctor, but I would never deny someone else the right to decide what to do with their own body. The opposers want to outlaw ALL abortions…

Let’s say you have a 13 year old daughter. She gets raped and ends up pregnant. At her age, it is a dangerous pregnancy anyways, without the addition of the emotional trauma that was endured to end up pregnant. Say the person who raped her had AIDS. So now, she is 13, pregnant with a stranger’s baby (a stranger that had robbed her of her innocence, her self esteem, her feeling of safety and security, and probably damaged her perception of men for the rest of her life), infected with a terminal disease, and has so much emotion and physical damage that it will be a danger for her to continue her pregnancy. Not to mention the fact that if she did have this child (and lived through it), it would be a constant reminder of the traumatic experience, every day for the rest of her life. The child never knowing his/her father, eventually finding out that their “daddy” was a rapist. "Therapy for one child" coming right up…

Now this is an extreme case, but would you seriously say, “Nope, you go ahead and have that baby!” to that young girl? NO abortion means just that - NONE. So she would be forced to continue the pregnancy, (which might kill her) or she can find a friend to push her down the stairs and punch her in the stomach to try and force a miscarriage. If that doesn’t work, wire hanger abortion in an alley somewhere (which will ALSO probably kill her).

Again, an example of people trying to tell other people what to do with their lives… I am so fucking tired of a percent of the population thinking THEY know what is best for EVERYONE. What is right for one person, may NOT be right for you, and vice versa. Everyone is different, has their own thoughts and feelings, and is capable of making their own decisions. Shut the hell up and mind your own business. If you are against abortion, then don’t YOU get one.

Are these REALLY the types of issues we should be spending our time and energy on? Whether or not that girl can marry another girl? WTF? These are two examples of the absolute NEED for separation of church and state. These are moral issues that each individual must address on their own and make their own decisions about what they want to do (or not do) in their lives. “The bible says it’s wrong!” Who gives a shit? Guess what, not everyone believes the same religion that you do, so come up with a different argument that can be applied across the table…

How about we vote on strategies to address the energy crisis, or maybe pass some new legislation to put a stop to child abuse, or address (the lack of) education for our children, or even new ideas for medical or social security? How about we all sit down and brainstorm about how we can fix the REAL problems of this country instead of spending our energy on this bullshit. That’s all people REALLY have an opinion on – no one wants to talk about real problems, because that makes them more real… Ignore it, maybe it will go away…

For instance, every day I read about children being hurt or killed by their parents. Why are we not working on THAT problem? Kids being thrown off of bridges, given bathes in scalding hot water so that their skin melts off, a baby being put in the microwave, father drowning his 4 kids in a bathtub, children being beaten, broken and murdered…

SIX child abuse homicides this year SO FAR in Wichita and we are arguing and voting about whether or not we should be allowed to have smoking sections in restaurants… WHO GIVES A SHIT?? ADDRESS A REAL PROBLEM!!!! Sorry, if you want to tell children that is it more important that we have smoke free eating establishments than it is to make sure that their parents do not starve, beat, and murder them, then you are a poor excuse for a human being.

What the fuck is wrong with people?

Baby steps to 5 o'clock...

2008-11-07T15:55:00.002-06:00

OMG is it just me, or does the last hour on a Friday seem to go on FOR-EVER?

I have been sitting here all afternoon, diligently working, taking my appropriate smoke breaks, and occasionally getting up for more water. I was thinking, "You know, it has got to be getting close to time to start wrapping things up. I better finish this and start closing down my computer..."

THEN... I looked up at the clock. 3:45? Are you fucking kidding me? I still have another hour and 15 before I can go home! This is bullshit. I think that Friday's should be half-days. Go in or stay late an extra hour the other 4 days, then go home at noon on Friday. I'd be first in line if they ever offered that around here!!

Well, maybe I'm still messed up from the time change. I mean, REALLY is should be a quarter til 5 right?

And now I have lost all motivation to actually DO any work.

BUT - I am glad today is Friday! Holy poo I need a day off.

Hi, my name is Angie, and I'm an addict

2008-11-05T09:51:00.006-06:00

So, for those of you that KNOW me, you may have realized over the years that I have a serious problem. This problem has gotten increasing worse over the past couple of years...

My problem is - I buy a lot of shit off of TV. No kidding. I really do. I have apparently purchased enough items to merit being sent an "As Seen On TV" catalog! And, by the way, I love the catalog, I want to buy so much shit out of it...

I know some of you may be a little skeptical as to the extend of my addiction, so to prove my point I have supplied a list of some of the products I have bought over the years, one of them as early as last week. :) Please let me know if you know of any support groups.

Teeth Whitener. This did not really work, but I did get a free robe with purchase.

Chocolate Maker. I have used this about half a dozen times - EVER. But it does work and it is pretty fun. :)

Ab Roller. I don't know if this worked, as I have never used it.

Yoga Booty Ballet DVD set. This is a workout DVD that combines yoga, ballet and dance. It was actually kind of hard and I quit using it after about a week.

Debt Cures book. This is an awesome book. It had a lot of good information, and I feel was a good purchase.

K-Styler. This is a hair straightener. I love it and use it everyday. Another good purchase.

Hot Wax Kit. This fucking thing didn’t work for shit. The “hot” part worked (omg!) but when I ripped off the little strip I was still as bushy as I was before. I didn’t have the balls to keep trying.

Hand Blender. I used this for about a month. Don’t even know where it is now…

Diet Pills. These didn’t work either. Go figure.

Zerosmoke. This was a magnet that you put on your ear to help you quit smoking. Apparently it is supposed to simulate acupuncture and block the “I want a cigarette” signals to the brain. Didn’t work.

Space Bags. These things are awesome, but too expensive. Luckily you can buy them at Wal-Mart now.

Ped Egg. This little gadget is supposed to help remove calluses and dead dry skin from your feet. Might as well of used a metal cheese grater, that’s what it looks AND feels like. But I have to admit, the dead skin WAS gone…

Mineral Make-up. This was crap. Big Josie kind of talked me into this one… I’m back to using store bought stuff.

Sonic Scrubbers. These are electronic toothbrushes that you use to clean unsightly bathtub tiles and grout. They work, but are louder than shit and take FOREVER to clean a whole tub.

Core Rhythms. This is a workout DVD that is supposed to incorporate Latin Dance into an aerobic exercise. I haven’t gotten it yet, so we’ll see… :)

Hopefully the Core Rhythms one will help me tone up. I have been losing some weight, but I'm stil flabby. :(

Oh by the way, today's weight 164 1/2 lbs! (weight loss of 12 1/2 pounds in 2 weeks!)

Big Girl Beds

2008-11-04T10:00:00.002-06:00

Oh, lordy lordy lordy. We got a couple big girls at my house now!

So, Saturday we went and bought Josie a twin bed. Her old toddler bed got passed down to Mia, and the crib is now Blakes. Out of the 3 of them, Blake is liking this arrangement the most, then Josie, and Mia fucking hates it.

Blake is enjoying having an ACTUAL real life bed to sleep in. He had outgrown his basinet a while ago, and his sleeping habits were very much like his father's (sleep all morning, stay up until 2 or 3 am). NOW he is in a nice big roomy crib! He went to sleep about 11:30 pm last night and didn't wake up until 4 am for a bottle, then right back to sleep. Ahhhh....

Josie is very excited, but keeps getting out of her bed to tell me she is scared or "something" is wrong in her room. Then she told Mia that if the monster's come after her, she can get in her bed... wtf? Why would she say that? Now Mia was all "Munter??" with big open eyes and hands over her mouth... shit. The first night Josie slept in her bed, about midnight Pat and I heard a very loud THUMP! We looked at each other and he took off running upstairs to check on the girls. Josie had fallen out of her bed. She was standing on the side all dazed with a "what the fuck happened?" look on her face. Pat helped her get back in and off to sleepyland she went again...

The funniest thing was the next morning I asked her how she liked her new bed - "Fantastic!" was her answer... I guess she didn't remember the loooong drop. :)

And then there is Mia. Mia hates it and keeps wanting to get back in the "baby bed". The first night she kept getting out of bed and unplugging the night lights, and then SCREAMING because it got dark. I guess I could have shrugged it off, except she did it FOUR damn times! What the hell? Why?? Then we finally let her fall asleep in the crib and moved her over after she fell asleep.

Mia has consistently gotten out of bed every night now at least 68 times for various reasons. I half want to just say fuck it, and put her in the crib. But I have decided that it will just take some time for her to get used to it, and I need to stick to my guns.

And, then this morning... I took a shower, got out, dried off, and headed downstairs to grab some clothes. I get the bottom of the first stairs when I hear "BERRRRRNN" very loud and scared the shit out of me... it was MIA! Yep! Sitting in the dark in the living room, turning on the TV at 6:30 in the morning. Again I start rethinking the whole "big girl bed" thing...

But in the end, I guess I am proud of her for doing this. She is getting a little better each night, and last night she actually DID fall asleep IN her bed! WOO HOO! So, we will see what the week will hold.

Wish me luck, and about 8:30 pm tonight, whisper "Mia, you are tired and want to go to sleep" about 15 times and maybe it will have a "do you believe in fairies" type of effect! Help a sista out, will ya???

Happy Halloween!

2008-10-31T09:14:00.004-05:00

So, its Halloween. This used to be one of my favorite holidays as a kid! I have SO many memories of trick or treating with my brother and sister, and then when I got older, my friends.

I still remember where the "good candy" houses are, and remember the furthest I ever walked one year. I made it halfway across town and had to drag my pillowcase back because it was so full of candy.

I remember hiding all the candy so my mom didn't know how much I really had. I remember sorting it all into like kinds, the "good stuff", the "yucky stuff", the stuff I wanted to trade, and the stuff I wanted to eat first. All the starbursts in one pile, all the candy bars in another. All the licorice over here, and all the stupid pencils and tiny toys over THERE.

Although, I can't remember what I ever dressed up as... I know one year I was yoda, and another year I was a baby (that was the most fun!), but other than that, I can't recall... Isn't that sad? The was one of the most important things, deciding what you were going to "be". And now I can't remember any of those "oh, so important" decisions.

This year all three of my kids are dressing up, and Pat has taken the day off to go trick or treating with us. Josie is going to be Tinkerbell, Mia is going to be a kitty cat, and Blake is going to be a monkey. :) I am actually looking forward to tonight. I think it will be so much fun to go out as a family and make some memories for my kids.

Anyways, tonight should be a lot of fun. The weather should be perfect, and the whole family is going out on the town! Hope they have as much fun as I did!

PS. Today's weight 169 lbs.

Angie's Top 5

2008-10-30T15:34:00.003-05:00

Top 5 Things I Love About Having Kids
1. Never a dull moment
2. The “I love you mommy” :)
3. Someone is ALWAYS happy to see you come home
4. The hugs and kisses goodnight
5. Their laughter

Top 5 Things I DON’T Like About Having Kids
1. Cleaning Bottles
2. Car seats
3. Poopy Diapers
4. BATH TIME
5. Having to make every single decision about every single thing, every single day

Top 5 Things I like to do when no one is home:
1. Sleep
2. Play WoW
3. Watch infomercials
4. Eat chips and dip without having to worry about little fingers getting in it
5. Masturbate

Top 5 Reasons why I like to work
1. Adult conversation with adults!
2. Making money
3. Get out of my house for a while
4. Taking long lunches ALONE
5. Making money

Top 5 things to do in the car while driving
1. Smoke
2. Cuss at other drivers
3. Talk on the phone
4. Play the radio really loud
5. Watch other people pick their noses at stoplights

Top 5 Restaurants
1. Red Lobster
2. Carlos O’Kellys
3. Sal’s
4. Olive Garden
5. Golden Coral

Top 5 “Extras” I don’t mind spending money on
1. Massage
2. Facial
3. Pedicure
4. Extra Cheese
5. Delivery

Top 5 Things I want to do before I’m 30
1. Lose weight!
2. Start taking some college courses
3. Go on a REAL vacation with Pat
4. Get another tattoo
5. Get plastic surgery

Top 5 Pet Peeves
1. People who do not answer their phone
2. People who ask me where shit is without even looking for it
3. Strangers in the store who think they know how to raise your kids better than you do and feel the need to give you “advice” on stuff
4. People who take up a REALLY good parking place with a motorcycle
5. People who leave seconds on the microwave, instead of pushing clear

Top 5 Weird Things I’ve Done
1. Became an ordained minister
2. Learned how to read Tarot cards
3. Dress up and work at the Ren Fair every year (bi-annually actually!)
4. Starting writing a book…but never finished
5. Became a MOTHER!! WEIRD! :)

Top 5 Regrets
1. Ages 17-22
2. Never going to college
3. Getting a GED instead of a real diploma
4. The way I treated my family and friends for sooo many years
5. Josie having Chris’ last name…I wish I could change it

Well there you have it! At least the beginning, I'll add more if I think of some!

What are your "Top 5"?

Update on My Diet

2008-10-29T09:54:00.003-05:00

Ok, so I started my diet last Wednesday. I have NOT had a REAL soda since, and since I don't really like diet soda, I've only had maybe one or two of those a day. I have been drinking more water and tea (green tea with citrus - yum). If you recall, the real soda (10 a day) was apparently my biggest "fat-ass" contributer, so this is a huge step for me.

I have also been wearing my pedometer, and am averaging about 7k steps a day (my goal is 10k). I think this is pretty good, so I'm not going to KILL myself trying to get them, but I am going to keep trying to do a little extra each day and see where it leads me.

So... today I weighed myself. 171 lbs.

WOOOOOOOOOOOOO! 6 big ones! That's what I'm talking about. I hope they came off of my ass...

Anyways, so it's working, and I feel great. I eat when I'm supposed to but I just eat a LOT less. Where I would usually have 2 sandwiches and a bowl of soup, I have 1/2 sandwich and a little bit of the soup before I'm full. And my willpower against takeout is amazing because I'm not really that hungry, so I find myself not going out to eat because I know half of the food will just go to waste and I don't want to waste the money.

I usually snack on cucumber slices, cheese and apple slices, cottage cheese, etc., because I can control how much I cut up and I don't have to throw any of it away.

Saturday night I thought I really fucked up because I went to a wedding and had some steak and garlic mashed potatoes and then drank all night... all the booze and beer are just empty calories that I don't need PLUS a big dinner, I really thought I had screwed myself. But I guess all the "exercise" later that night must have worked off all those extras! (Yes I'm talking about sex, cover your ears, little ones).

I have been sleeping about normal, but have had more energy throughout the day (which I desperately needed), so all in all I think it's going great! Keep your fingers crossed for me, and hopefully I will continue to do well in the upcoming weeks/months.

Oh, Mia, Mia, Mia

2008-10-24T09:22:00.003-05:00

Oh, geez, my little Mia. She is sooooo cute, but can really be quite a pain.

Today - she hid my keys.

OMG I spent 20 minutes looking for them and STILL didn't find them. Funny part is when I asked her to go find them and bring them to me, she ran off and came back with Pat's keys (apparently she had them also), but not mine.

I TORE that place apart, looking everywhere. Dumped out boxes of toys, looked in her toy kitchen, in her room, my room, the bathrooms, kitchen, living rooms, playroom. Under the couches, under the cushions, in the trashcan (Pat found his phone there once), in the diaper bag, EVERYWHERE!!!!!

I finally said fuck it, and just took my car key off of Pat's keyring and told he to hide a house key outside for me when he left and call and let me know where. I was 25 minutes late to work, and was pissed and fuming the WHOLE way.

Once I got to work, complained to a couple people about my morning, and explained to my boss why I was late, and apologized for it (he said "I don't care about that stuff, I knew you would call if you were not going to be in at all.... THATS cool!)

Then, I started retracing my steps from last night, and trying to remember the last time I SAW them... well, Mia had them. She was in the kitchen, and was trying to use them on her toy car. THE TOY CAR!!!! Omg, why didn't I think of that? I remember that her toy car has a seat that lifts up with a cubby hole underneath. So I call Pat. "Sweetie, I am soooo sorry I yelled at you this morning about my keys. I was just very frustrated, and didn't mean to take it out on you...but, hey - could you check Mia's toy car?"

............................ TA DA! There they are!!!! WHOOO HOOO! Fantastic. So I got all worked up and they were in the only place I didn't think to check... man, I feel stupid.

So, to ensure this doesn't happen again, I have come up with a GREAT idea. I am going to go to WalMart and buy a bunch of blank keys, and a few different key chains. I am going to make Mia her OWN set of keys!! I think she will LOVE this!! Damn, I'm a freakin' genius....

Well, wish me luck, I hope it works. :)

You know, a friend of mine (mother of three, oldest just turned 18) once told me - "I think they make the little ones really cute so you don't kill them. And they make the older ones little assholes so you won't miss them as much when they decide to move out!!"

Oh, and on another note - my weight loss plan seems to be going well. I have been having a hard time meeting my calorie limit. I am at about half that, so my nutritionist suggested I take the rest of my prenatal vitamins to help. After those are gone, I can just get an over-the-counter one. Soooo.... yea! :)

I'm on day three - weight 174 lbs. ( I lost 3 pounds!)

Fattys On Parade!

2008-10-22T11:01:00.003-05:00

~WIPES FORHEAD~ Wheeeeeew...... That's done. I went to the doctor today. My reason for going? I'm too fat. Yep. You can apparently go to the doctor for that now.

If you have previous blogs you will know that I had an appointment today to start my "Weight Loss With Meds" program. Well, I was very nervous that they would go through my lab results and find that I was not a good candidate or something like that, I would have to go back to trying to do it the hard way - eating right, exercising, etc.

But come to find out, everything went GREAT! With the exception of the doctor telling me I have no life, and I need to get one (yea, no shit doc? I could have told you that, and I didn't have to go to school for 16 years).

My steps to my weight loss target goal of 40 lbs.

Step One: I have to stop drinking 10 regular sodas a day. If I have to have my soda, I need to pick a diet one that I can live with and drink that.

Step Two: I have to drink water also. I was told this shouldn't be hard because the meds they put me on will give me cotton mouth (not their term, mine) and all I will want is WATER. So that's cool.

Step Three: Try and keep a food diary, and pay attention to how often I eat foods on the go (like fast food, etc.)

Step Four: Try and stick generally to a 1200 calorie diet, and make sure I GET 1200 calories (apparently the med will suppress my appetite, and I have to make sure I try and eat something, even if I don't feel that hungry)

Step Four: Get a pedometer and try to walk 10,000 steps a day (yeah that's not a typo...that will be the hardest I think)

Step Five: Take my meds as early in the morning as I can, daily. (Early because apparently they will keep you up late if you take them too late in the day.)

And that's it.

They put me on Phentermine and Prozac. Phen for weight loss and energy (an upper) and Prozac to even it out (a downer) and plus because I have no life (according to the doctor).

My doctor has assured me that this weight loss drug has been examined over and over and over again, and they can't find any reason that it should be pulled like some of the other weight loss drugs. He has taken it, and has prescribed it for over 15 years, and in his opinion, is completely safe when used correctly (like any controlled substance).

The nutritionist told me that in her opinion, if I cut out the soda (or go to a diet), and take my meds, that should be all I need to meet my goal. I am going to try and do the other stuff too, but those are going to be my big ones to concetrate on...

So today, my spirits are high, as is my motivation to finally do something about my weight.

Wish me luck!!!!

Oh, PS, I was sitting at the computer last night feeding Blake when my screensaver came up - it is a slideshow of pictures of me, Pat and the kids at special events over the past few years... the pictures were pretty much in chronological order, and I noticed I just kept getting fatter in each picture... time for things to change.

Starting Weight - 177 lbs. (shhhh) Let's keep track of this, shall we?

A Day at Home With the Kids!

2008-10-20T15:26:00.003-05:00

So, yesterday Pat was working at the Ren Fair for my daddy, and I was at home all day with the kids. This was from about 9:15 am to 10:30 pm. THIS WAS A LONG DAY.

So it started out pretty normal with feeding the kids breakfast. Jo and Mia wanted donuts. Easy enough, right? Well, yes until we ran out. Holy shit, you would have thought I had told them that we ran out of oxygen to breath!! Biggest breakdowns in the history of breakdowns. So, to try and make it "all better" I offered Pop-Tarts... kids look at each other for a second, then "Yes, Yes, Pop-Tarts Mommy!!!!" .... well shit we are out of PopTarts. WHAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Oh, here we gooooooooo again! I finally got them to settle for some cereal, but they were CLEARLY not impressed with it. ~sad faces~

Wow, 2 flip outs and it is not even 10 o'clock yet... it's gonna be a looooooooong day.

It was while the kids were eating their breakfast that I realized Blake would be waking up soon, and there was NO clean bottles (even thought Pat was home all day, the day before). So I went ahead and washed all the bottles, and all the other dishes while I was at it. As soon as I am finishing that up, Josie comes in to tell me she is cold. Now, she has been sick for a couple days, so I go to turn on the heater...

Mother#$%*&$ - the heater is still not working! The other adult in the household (trying not to name names here...) was SUPPOSED to have called the landlord and gotten it fixed the day before - he said he was "too busy"and forgot.... to busy doing what? Playing WoW???? Sleeping???? ALL DAY??

Well, shit, now I have THAT to do.

After I make that phone call, I realize my whole house looks like shit. And being raised by my mother (and knowing I had a repairman coming over) that was just unacceptable. It doesn't matter if someone if coming over just to take a crap in my toilet, if I'm having company, I CLEAN. So, the cleaning commences.

While I was furiously cleaning my house (mostly just the areas he might see...) the girls did some coloring while watching the new Pooh Halloween Movie. After coming downstairs from the bedrooms, I notice some green paint on the wall... so I turn the corner....and.... OMG. Mia had found a "Paint Pen" and painted the hallway going down the stairs. O, mommy flipped her lid. I took the pen, threw it in the trash (while muttering "no more F-ing Paint Pens in the F-ing house!!!!!") and started cleaning THAT mess...

Ok, finally, kids had breakfast, dishes are done, bottles are washed, house is clean, walls are clean, baby got fed - time for LUNCH!! It is 12:30... its BARELY been 3 hours... wow...

So, lunch... Hmmm..... no food in the house. And I'm not taking all 3 kids to the store ON A SUNDAY, plus the heater guy is supposed to be showing up any time. SO - can of chicken noodle soup it is.

Kids are sitting down, eating their soup and crackers, so I go take a potty break! YEA! Come back up, and Blake has spit up on himself. Take him down to change him - come back up... and... Mia has taken a freakin' BATH in her soup!! Oh lord. What a fucking mess. She looks and says "All done!" Yea, no shit? All done because there is no more food in her bowl, doesn't mean she ATE it all. Fuck. So I strip her down, and start to give her a psuedo bath in the sink...

DING DONG.

Yep. Heater guy is here. Perfect timing.

Old man stinking like BO starts trekking through the house, looking at this, looking at that... finds a problem and leaves to go "get the part". Fine. Get out so I can spray some Febreeze and lay Mia down for a nap.

Mia stays in her room for about 45 minutes or so... not sleeping. But she is out of the way long enough for the heater guy to come back and fix the damn thing, and for me to do a couple of quests on WoW.

Well, ok, "nap" (if you could call it that) is over, and back to playing!!! Yeah!!

The girls decide they want to color some more. Fine. I put Blake in his bouncy-chair, toss on Baby Mozart (he loves it) and run down to switch around the laundry. Bring up a basket of towels, get to the top of the stairs when.... I see IT.

The scene that will be burned into my mind for a loooong time. Mia and Josie have found more Paint Pens (where the hell did these things come from anyways????) and are poised, ready to begin coloring, 1/2" away from - their BROTHER'S FACE. "STOP!!"

I snatch the pens from them and look around for more. I find 2 more, and take them all directly to the trashcan. And future Paint Pen events have been circumvented. (I love that word, I always think of that movie "The Last Boyscout").

After that was dinner, where Mia has decided she is a big girl and refuses to sit in her high chair anymore. So I spent the majority of dinner saying "Mia get back in your chair and eat your dinner"..... over and over and over and over and over and over again.

Josie has been sick and is still on antibiotic, and so after we ate it was time to take it.... oh geez. Someone help me. You would have thought I was trying to pull her fingernails out with needlenose pliers the way she was screaming. I'm surprised the police didn't show up with a noise or domestic dispute complain.... although in my neighborhood I'm not really THAT surprised - probably couldn't hear her screaming over all the gun shots...

A little later the girls are "playing" in theire room and I hear screams... oh lord now what? I go up and I see Mia... but no Josie. I HEAR Josie... wtf?

Apparently Josie was playing in the closet, and Mia had done something to wedge it closed and she could not get out... "No more playing in the closet kids!" geez....

The rest of the evening continues, fairly uneventful. I think they had all realized I had hit "My Limit" on stupid bullshit in one day.

I finally get the girls in bed, and Blake decides he wants to play. He has been pretty good MOST of the day, and he needed a little one on one time, and I was fine with that.

After he falls asleep, I get on my geeky video game and start playing until Pat gets home..... I MISSED YOU SWEETIE!!!!!!!! Omg I was SO glad when he got there!

So that was my Sunday... what did you do???? :)

Sleep Debt

2008-10-17T15:12:00.002-05:00

So, have you ever heard of a sleep debt?

Apparently, your body has a memory. And it KNOWS how much sleep your body requires to function correctly, and keeps an internal log of how many hours you sleep each night.

So lets say your body needs 7 hours of sleep each night. You get 5 hours of sleep each night. So by the weekend you now your body 10 hours sleep. Your body just keeps on going, quietly contemplating HOW exactly it will get all that missed sleep back...

You body has now turned into a bookie. The juice is running on your missed sleep, and your body is hiding in the alley, just waiting to jack you. Now, if you are incredibly witty and sly, you can avoid having to pay back your debt until you die, but unfortunately all those missed hours are shaved off of your total life expectance...

Otherwise, it will get them one of two ways.

First, it waits until it sees an opening. It releases the "I'm soooooo tired" hormone into your bloodstream and you go to bed just a little early that night... and then - JACK! You CANNOT seem to drag your ass out of bed the next morning. You are 2 hours late to work, and all day long, all you want to do is go back to bed.

Second, it will just SLAM you with the NEED FOR SLEEP. You will just pass out and it will have its way with you. This can happen anytime, anyplace. Ever hear stories about people falling asleep behind the wheel? Well, they tried to slide one by on their body, and their body put a boot in their ass. They should have just went the easy way, just laid back and let it finish...

So the moral of the story is, no matter what, your body WILL get those hours back. It will try and do it all nice and slow, and you won't even notice what is happening until it is too late... But if you resist, it will use force - even if that means making you fall asleep driving a car, at work, or in the bathtub...

So, right now, I think I am about a ba-jillion hours behind, so I may keel over any day...

I am so screwed.

People I Hate

2008-10-16T12:26:00.004-05:00

This has been requested by (and dedicated to) one of my AVID readers, my sister. And.... I figured I had had a couple of funny blogs, so now it is time for a rant. :)

FIRST - I hate people who don't answer their phone... especially when you KNOW they are home AND they have caller ID. Makes me feel like such a loser.

I hate people that say "Uh huh, uh huh, really? Oh, yeah, uh huh, uh huh" while you are telling them a story. It is distracting and makes me forget what in the hell I was talking about... Just SHUT UP and wait for your turn to talk!!! Now, if I pause (for a reaction) please feel free to insert a comment, but saying that shit while I'm still talking is like those assholes who think it is funny to say random numbers while you are trying to count just to fuck you up...

Oh, and I hate assholes who think it is funny to say random numbers while I'm trying to count something... dicks...

I hate people who ride on your ass when there is NO ONE in the other lane... pass me jerk off! The only reason to do that is to be a prick.

I hate skinny people... mostly because I am jealous. I'm tired of being OBESE. BMI of 30 FTL!!!! lol

I hate people who have a ton of kids so they can get more $$ on welfare. Maybe you should try getting a fucking job, free loader.

I hate people who send me "God" emails. I'm glad for you that you have found something in your life that gives you purpose, faith, meaning, whatever, but No Thank You. I think I am doing just fine, and my life is not going to get better or worse depending on whether or not I forward your email to 10 friends in the next 60 seconds. If you REALLY want to send me inspiring emails, send vouchers for free liquor, cigarettes, vacations, gas coupons, or just send me a check. That would inspire the hell out of me.

I hate people who continuously try to debate religion with me. I will save you some time right now - You are not going to convert me. I do not believe in organized religion, and am more of a believer of science. Also, don't quote the bible at me - it is a beautiful work of fiction. It was written by man, and is their personal account of what happened in that time period, and was edited MANY times. Don't believe every freakin' book you read. There are dozens of books written on how the Holocaust never took place... point.

I hate line jumpers, and wreck gawkers, people who talk with food in their mouths, and people who wear patchouli. I hate people who are always so miserable and think you want to hear about every tiny detail about every aspect of their fucked up existences. Man, I got problems of my own and your constant tale of woe is just bringing me down even more. (Not saying I don't care, I just don't need to hear about it day in and day out, CONSTANTLY).

I hate people who lean over into the passenger's seat to drive.... geez. Posture, people, POSTURE!!!

Hate guys who wear their pants down so low their underwear hangs out. And then they tuck their shirts into their underwear to make sure you see it... Ok, I feel bad for their mothers, who obviously TRIED to teach them proper dressing attire. The "tuck your shirt in" one stuck but apparently the "underwear is an undergarment, and is not supposed to be seen by everyone" didn't. Even my 5 year old has learned that you don't show off your panties...

I hate old people - they all (ok not ALL but most of them) feel like the world "owes" them something as a prize for reaching 60. They expect everyone to bend over backwards for them, but are not willing to do anything (like renew their driver's licenses, or chew with their mouths closed, or say "Thank you" when someone helps them) in return. I'm allowed to say this, by the way, because I work for old people.

Oh, and I hate that my boss talks on the phone while taking a crap at work... makes me wonder how many times I have talked to him while his was on the shitter... makes me cringe. Wait 5 minutes, how important can the call be???

BUT - on the other hand, if you are at home, on a personal call.... GO FOR IT! I do it at least once a day! :)

Oh, and did I mention I hate it when people don't answer their phone... especially when you KNOW they are home AND they have caller ID....

By the way, Shelly I have been calling you for an hour, ANSWER YOUR DAMN PHONE!!!! :)

Work? Yep, sure am!

2008-10-15T15:08:00.004-05:00

So every now and then I have one of those days... a day that you don't want to do shit at work, and in all honesty, you don't really even what to BE THERE. And guess what? Today is one of thooooooooose days.

I have a habit that I fall into on days like these... first I call my sister... A LOT. :) I talk to her about pretty much nothing, but it gives me something to do and helps the time go a little faster. I will occasionally get caught being on the phone for long periods of time - in one of these instances, I say in my MOST professional voice "Ok, well thank you very much. I appreciate the call! You have a great day".

At this point she knows that is her cue to make one last smart ass comment in an effort to make me laugh out loud in front of whoever it is that I am trying to convience the call is work related (usually saying POOP in the phone will do it for me) and then I will call her back once the threat has passed.

Second, I surf the net a little bit and check in on Ol' McCane (I put CANE on purpose, the old fart) and Bommers. I know, I'm a geek... I probably won't even vote.

I also put on my headphones. Sometimes I'm not even listening to anything, but people assume I am listening to and typing dictation, so it works to get people to leave me alone and let me fuck off in peace. Other times, I'm listening to music or MSNBC video clips... today I listened to the debate - WHOO what a part-tee animal I am!!!!

I make a point to go smoke about once every hour too. This is not as hard or unusual as one would think, as the majority of this office does it on a daily basis anyways, so I'm really just conforming to the norm on that one...

And lastly, I go chat it up with my friendly neighborhood banker. (Kinda like your "Friendly Neighborhood Spiderman" but she doesn't really fight crime, or wear tights, jump from rooftops, etc... actually she is nothing like Spidey, so just forget all that shit...)

This is usually during one of my MANY soda/vending machine runs... I try to space these out, so I have a "get up and walk around" break about every 20 minutes including smoke breaks in there along with trips to the bathroom to check my hair, makeup, etc (which in reality I really shouldn't do. I always look like shit, and I just get depressed with every trip to the crapper...they should really take the mirrors out of there).

Oh, and I blog. Duh.

So, it is creeping up on 3:30, about time for another death stick, so I gotta go!! Back to WORK!!

LEGENDARY Spider Encounter...

2008-10-13T11:22:00.005-05:00

So, I know I am a BIG OL' SISSY when it comes to spiders, but I swear to you, my fear was validated Friday night...

A little set up:

My front door is a little dark, even with the light on. It is nine o'clock at night, I have all three kids, and all their stuff, all MY stuff, my 2 year old is very upset because she has a badly skinned knee, 5 year old is tired and "just wants to go home" and Blake is hungry. Also, we just spent the evening at a school carnival so everyone is a little tired, a little whiney and Mommy is more than a little overwhelmed...o, and I'm in flip flops....

Ok, so - I start the approach to the door, when I see something large and black in front of the "Welcome" mat (how ironic...) just sitting there. I get closer, staring, trying to figure out what in the hell it is, when..... IT MOVES.

HOLY SHIT, IT IS THE BIGGEST FUCKING SPIDER I HAVE SEEN IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.

I grab the girls, stop them from tramping up the stairs to the porch, and watch this monster run into the corner by my door, with all the brush to camofluage its self.

Oh, shit what am I going to do now???? I am shaking, but don't want my kids to see me get upset, so I say "Ok, sorry kids, we have to get back in the car for a minute!"

Despite their whining and arguing, they all get back in the car. I find a plastic block in the front yard and chuck it at the spider... doesn't do a damn thing... I look around for bug spray, check the truck for something to hit it with... I can't find shit.

So, I call my sister. Shelly!! What do I do??? She asks me if I am drinking anything... why yes I am - Mt. Dew! Which I will gladly sacrifice for this battle. So I get my soda and start throwing it at the corner...

OMG THIS IT IS EVEN BIGGER THAN I THOUGHT! IT'S LIKE A FREAKIN' TARANTULA!!!

Ok, no shit, this thing was the size of the top of a pop can. Not a bottle.... A CAN. Two and a half inches in diameter... Scariest fucking thing I've ever seen. It starts crawling up the side of my door as I just pissed it off with the pop thing... well shit.

Now what, Shelly???? I am almost in tears now. I am alone with my kids, trying not to scare them, out of ammo, in flip flops, and completely petrified of spiders. She says "I'm coming to help". Omg, really??? Thank you, thank you, thank you! I ask if she is bringing some spray or something, she said she will bring a flyswatter... are you kidding me? A flyswatter? This Loch Ness of Spiders with snatch the flyswatter from her and beat her with it!!! Oh crap...

I get in the car and take a quick spin around the block, over to QT so Josie can pee, and then back to the Porch O' Doom. I park my car diagonal so I can shine my headlights on the door, as if I am about to perform surgery or something - need good light for this!! I get out, and with the new perspective with the headlights, I spy out of the corner of my eye... The Hose. Oh, yes, the garden hose! How could I have overlooked it?!

My sister is pulling up as I am turning the water on, and is walking up to the porch as I start spraying...

HE IS PISSED!!! WOOOOO HOOOOO he takes off running, and I keep spraying! I get him away from the door, and down the steps towards my sister who is waiting with her flyswatter... it was like watching someone getting ready to try and kill a bear with a loose leaf notebook... hmmm... could it work????

Bigfoot (aka Spider of Death) has now figured out what is spraying him with the goddamn hose, and makes a sharp 90 degree turn to come straight at me!!! OH SHIT!! Shelly lifts the flyswatter over her head, and.... WHAM! .....

WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM!!!!

Shelly has SAVED THE DAY!!!!! The spider of epic proportions is dead, and even all dead and curled up, the thing is still bigger than a fifty cent piece...

So, then I proceeded to spray the front porch for a good minute or so, JUST IN CASE there is another one hanging out or he has laid eggs for more gargantuan spiders. The All Clear is sounded, so it is back to the car and back to grabbing all my kids, their stuff and mine, although this time I have sissy there to help... Mia is saying over and over "Yea Delly!" and I couldn't have agreed more!

With the all clear, I pile all the kids in the house, still paranoid about spiders... Discreetly eyeing ever corner of every room as I walk through the house turning on every single light... Get the kids in bed and make myself a REALLY big drink (I had earned it)...

Thanks Shelly!!! You are my hero!!!

Oh geez

2008-10-10T13:03:00.002-05:00

Hmmm... well I have a weird thing. I got contacted by a collection agency about a debt to Lincoln Meadows Apts where I had lived about 3 years ago. Apparently they felt I owed them some money. Now, I had owed them so $$ due to a move in "gift" I received, as I moved out before my lease was up. The lady in the office at the time had told me that I had to repay that amount, and I agreed. I made several payments, and then I stopped receiving mail from them - at this time I assumed I had paid it off.

Well, now (2 1/2 years later) I am getting harassed by an agency saying I owe about 3 times what I remember the orignal debt being for "carpet cleaning"... hmmm... well thats fucked up and I told them that I was disputing the charge, denying that it was mine. Well, being a fucking collection agency they then told me that they would have this put on my credit report and they would be contacting my employer for a garnishment. They were being assholes, so I hung up on that phone call...

Well, they called me again. And the first thing I said was "So, why are you calling me again?? I thought you guys were just going to garnish my wages for this alleged debt... that employer garnishment thingy, that not work out? I think they require PROOF of a debt through a court before they do that, which you don't have...that might be why you are having a problem with this..." So first thing out of the gate, I have pissed them off. And I don't really care.

Back and forth we go, blah blah blah. Finally I say that I do not believe this is an accurate collections, and I will not agree that this is my debt. They hang up on me this time. So I call the original debt company. The lady there was very nice, saying that she made an error and forgot to reflect the payments I had made, but the paperwork she shows says that I was also supposed to be paying a "one month rent" fee for not completing my lease. I can, honestly, see how this is probably true, but I can't remember. She says she has the paperwork, so I believe her. BUT the REAL debt is about 1/2 of what they were trying to collect. So she said she would contact them to fix it, and request that they work with me on a payment plan, due to her own error of not reporting this in a timely manner, as I had no idea about the debt and will need time in order to pay it off.

They call me back and are ASSHOLES. BUT they do set up a plan for me on the new $ amount. But then she starts being a bitch to me about the fact that this is my own fault, and the debt is almost 3 years old, and I should have been responsible enough to pay it before now... WHAT THE FUCK???? I am so pissed. Then she wanted my new address and I asked what she would need that for. She says "Fine I will put a note in here that you refused information required in order to collect this debt." I said, "First, you don't need my address to collect this debt, as I have already made arrangements to pay this online. Second, I didn't REFUSE i asked you WHY you need it." So I gave her address (very quickly and I knew she couldn't have written it down but at this point I didn't give a shit). She said she was done with my phone call. I told her to make sure to put that I complied by giving my address, its not my fault she writes slow. She hung up on me.

Fuck them

Fat Attack!

2008-10-09T10:56:00.002-05:00

So, I have made my appointment with my doctor for the "Weight Loss Program With Meds"... this is my last attempt in loosing this weight that I can't seem to get rid of.

So, I have tried so many different kinds of diets and nothing seems to work. I have tried over the counter weight loss pills and still come up with nothing. At one time, I had tried a wiehgt loss pill and it was fantastic! I lost a ton of weight and felt great!! But I can't find it anymore (5 years later)... I know that I should eat better and exercise. But I also have 3 kids and work full time. I eat the best I can, in fact probably better than I ever did. I have "grown up" and now will even eat a salad!! But no matter what, I can't seem to get rid of it.

I checked my BMI yesterday - healthly is 19-21 and I am at 30. THIRTY. Wow... so I decided something needs to be done. I have 2 friends and a co-worker (notice how I divide the two catergories... lol) that have used phentermine (perscription from a doctor) and it worked wonders. So that is my next thing. I hope it works.

It better - my insurance doesn't cover it because it is considered "cosmetic" so I will be paying out of pocket. So it better effing work!!!! I do know I will need to try and eat good things and exercise whenever I can in addition to this... but I also count my running around for the kids a little bit of exercise... it does get my heart rate up!!!!!

So keep your fingers crossed for me over the next few weeks. I go in on the 22nd. I hope it works. I miss feeling good about the way I look...

Honey, have you seen my....

2008-10-07T08:39:00.002-05:00

UGH!! What is it about men that makes them incapable of finding shit?? "Honey, have you seen my shoes? My wallet? My cigarettes, my lighter, my sweatshirt, the remote, the bread, my lunch, my cell phone, or my keys?"

WHY DON'T YOU OPEN YOUR EYES AND LOOK FOR IT FOR A CHANGE!!!!! Omg, I am so tired of being asked where shit is. It is bad enough that my kids can't find anything, but that is to be expected... so I suck it up and find their shoes, socks, etc. Pat can NEVER find anything. But I don't think he ever actually LOOKS for anything either.

He stands in front of the fridge, not even opened it yet, and asked me if his lunch is in there... open it up and fucking look, jackass! Do I have x-ray glasses on, and can see through the fridge door from 2 flights up to check for your lunch??

Stands in the bathroom and asked me I have seen his keys... I am supposed to believe he is looking for his keys in the shitter and just "can't find them anywhere"??? Noooo, he is fixing his hair, and can't be BOTHERED to go up and check the BIG KEY BOWL where all the keys go EVERYDAY to see if his are indeed in there or not...

"Where is my wallet?" ..... Why the hell would I know where your wallet is? It is your wallet...

"Are we out of toilet paper?" Um... go check. You know where we keep it - in the room with the toilet in it...

"Where is the cold medicine?" Same place it always is, in the medicine cabinet... And if it is NOT in there, I will go ahead and tell ya - that means "Yes" we are OUT, so don't ask...

"What did you do with my cell phone? It's not on the coffee table anymore..." My answer is: You mean you left it where the 2 year old can reach it (AGAIN) and you want someone else to blame for your stupidity?

Geez, I had babies with this man...

Although one of the FUNNIEST things I've ever seen was my brother in law... he walked through the house, comepletely naked, stood next to his wife (with his junk right next to her head) and asked "Honey, have you seen my boxers?" She turns her head and BAM - face fulla hubby!

But I love him, and you know I will do what every woman in America does... help him find his stuff. Everyday. Over and over again. Even when he puts his wallet in the freezer (because he set it down to fill his cup with ice) or his watch on the toothbrush holder (didn't want to set it on the sink, it might have gotten wet), just grin and bear it... and wait for him to lose his undies!! WOO WOOO!!!

Will you be my friend?

2008-10-06T09:50:00.006-05:00

So, after 6 years, and 3 kids I have come to the realization that I HAVE NO FRIENDS!! Awwww, isn't that sad? But when I think back to who my friends were so long ago, the things I did with them and the things I didn't do with them, I'm starting to wonder if it is necessarily a BAD thing that we have lost touch.

Most of the time we would sit around and drink and tell stories. Hmm... yea, lots of fun when you are 22. But when you are almost 29, have a full time job and 3 kids under 6 years old, that seems like an obscene waste of time. (Although, in all honesty, still sounds kinda fun!)

Now, my best friend is my sister (ok, it's ALWAYS been my sister!) and the only other friends are "online friends"... I don't really know any of them in person, never went to dinner with them or went to their house. Our kids never played together, and we don't exchange birthday or holiday cards. But these are some of the best friends I have EVER had. I guess the way you meet online friends are usually doing something that you both enjoy and have in common (I play online video games - World of Warcraft in particular) so we immediately have something to talk about... And I know!!! I'm a geek!!! Please try to see past my geekiness to my very cool, suave, and incredibly trendy interior... :)

I also don't have friends at work - I have Co-Workers. I don't know what it is about co-workers, but I have always had a weird thing about "going out with the girls" at work... Sure I might go to lunch or something, but I never really do anything on a personal level. Maybe I am worried that there will be a conflict and make my work environment a living hell, or maybe I am afraid that if they REALLY got to know me, they wouldn't like me as much anymore.....or maybe I'm just a bitch who doesn't like anyone. Either way, in my mind, co-workers are in an automatic "No friend" zone.

I always thought my mom was too lonely and needed to get out and make new friends - then she would be happy... but I am starting to realize that I was part of the reason that she had no friends. All her friends were childless and didn't "get it" or they had kids too and were too damn busy to play anymore!!

I guess I am turning more and more into my mother every year. I used to think that would really suck ass... but, you know, the older I get, I am starting to understand what she gave up to raise her own children, and I have so much respect for her now.

I'm sure she is kicking herself, wishing she hadn't given up EVERYTHING and left a little time for herself though. I think she would be much happier if she had... maybe I can learn from her mistakes, but still be a great mommy like she has been to me.

Or maybe I just need a drink... or 5...

Wait.... I'm a grown up now??

2008-10-03T16:25:00.003-05:00

Well, sadly I have figured out that, yes, I am indeed a grown up now. Well, shit, when did that happen?? Every day I realize more and more that I am pushing thirty. I know that is NOT old, but it sure ain't YOUNG either!! And I guess the worst part is...that I haven't really done much in my 28 years on this planet.

I never traveled the world, never went on a cruise, I've never REALLY been to a beach, never seen New York, or San Francisco OR Hawaii! I never bungee jumped or skydived, I've never tried ice skating or even snow skiing. I never did go stay in the haunted hotel where the Shining was filmed with my sister and I've never been to Mardi Gras. I never got to go to the Murder Mystery role-playing hotel (which I have been talking about for years now) and I never went back to school. I never got that gym membership and I never made my kids Halloween costumes. I never learned how to use an i-pod or how to burn a DVD... I've never got a video camera (even though I think about it a lot) and I never signed up to be on "Deal or No Deal". I never took ballet or even saw a ballet program. Never been to a Broadway play, or even a really crappy community theatre one... I never opened my bookstore, or my restaurant, or my bar and grill. Never learned how to sew or even knit, and I've never been to a shooting range.

I think my brain just can't get around the fact that I am an adult, and I can do whatever I want. If I want to take my family and move to Oregon (or Miami, or Venezuela), I could, or go on a safari, or visit the pyramids!!

I CAN do whatever I want... so why don't I ever WANT to do anything?

My life is FULL of "I nevers" and I am starting to realize how sad that is.

Josie is have a bad week...

2008-10-02T12:58:00.004-05:00

Wow, she is only 5 and I feel so sorry for her crappy week. First, she got tripped by a boy at school (little bastard). Second, her sister stabbed her with a freakin' straw from a juice box last night IN THE CHEST (and it actually made a mark and broke the skin a TINY bit), then...this morning... she got a pimple... MY POOR BABY!! I mean, geez, she is only 5, does she really have to get a pimple already? I'm sure the kids don't know to make fun of it yet, but I have no doubt the teasing will commence sooner rather than later...

She is just having it rough. And everday she reminds me more and more of myself when I was little... Desperate for friends, gullible, and willing to believe anything if it means she has a friend...

She doesn't realize that some people are just mean - like a little girl who came up and pulled her braids out the other day, Josie tells me "No, she's my best friend! She just liked my pony tail holders"... That little snot yanked those out of my kids hair, and stole them, and Josie was taking it as a compliment because the girl liked them in the first place... how do I fix this?

And, you know, maybe I'm wrong. I do not drop off or pick up at school, so I don't see her with her "friends"... maybe she DOES have a lot of friends (cross fingers) and maybe the girl really DID just like them and wanted to see the pony tail holders... but I doubt it...

Please don't let her turn out like me...the geeky girl that no one liked, that everyone teased, and that later in life did anything anyone wanted in efforts to be liked (which didn't work, and made me feel even worse about myself)... I hope that will be able to spot it early enough in order to try and stop her from going down the same path I did... my poor baby, don't turn out like your mom.

We built this city...on hypocricy...

2008-09-30T15:54:00.002-05:00

So over the past couple of years I have grown up (in MANY ways) and one thing I have noticed about myself is my insatiable curiousity in the world and politics.

For those of you not following current events, or if you have been living under a rock and haven't heard, the financial stability of our economics are in deep shit. Due to sub-prime mortgages, Wall Street is in the crapper and begging for salvation. The "Bailout" that was proposed (and shot down) was supposedly the only way to fix it.

What I find funny is all the people opposing it, are shouting "It's there own fault! If they hadn't been so greedy, they wouldn't be in this mess! Don't give them 700 billion dollars! Give it to us! We need it more!" Hypocricy at its best!

Hmmmm..... well sorry folks, as you have just demonstrated, greed is what makes the world go 'round. You don't want them to bail out the big companies, because that would be greedy of them... instead you want them to bail YOU OUT (you greedy little bastards!). Saying to bailout the people who bought the houses with the SP loans - well, guess what? That's THEIR own fault too for not reading their contracts. Live and learn and move the fuck on.

I hear people spouting that "well those people would not have been able to buy a house any other way..." Well, I say, then they were not in a position to be owning a house! Rent. And guess what? They are back to not owning a house AND get the extra special treat of having their credit score reduced to toilet paper. Everyone has at least one really hard lesson to learn in life, and those 5 million people just learned theirs. Don't be greedy, don't try to live above your means, and READ THE FUCKING CONTRACT BEFORE YOU SIGN IT!!!!

I'm not saying "screw the poor", I'm just saying stop trying to place blame. Oh, the realtor didn't tell me THAT, or the bank didn't explain it well... too bad, it was in writing and you should have read it.

Wow, I sound really mean and bitter, and I guess I am. This country seems to be more and more of everyone looking for a handout. No one wants to work for something anymore. I am just constantly getting more and more irritated with the whole damn thing. And it WILL affect me - I won't be able to but a house this year either.... so I will continue to rent and save what I can. Try not to put money on credit cards, save where I can.

Seems the whole country is shouting "gimme gimme gimme....but don't give HIM any..."

A New Blog for Angie...

2008-09-30T13:34:00.000-05:00

WOO HOO a new place to blog!! And I can do it at work!!!

Going to do my best to keep this one up, at least an update every other day... we'll see...

This one is just a short one to get it going, I'll do a real one later...